"The Eighth Side of the Triangle"(14/?) by Susan Jameson
(DrBarnBarn@aol.com)
See part 1 for headers, archive info, etc.




~~~~~

Trinity Hospital
As Jill Saw It

~~~~~

I remember reading once that a woman can find things in another
woman's kitchen that a man can't find in his own.

I always thought it was pretty funny, mostly because it's almost
always true. I've also found that it's true at work, too: I can find
things in other nurses' hospitals that most doctors -- that is, male
doctors -- can't find in their own.

That's why I was so surprised to have such a hard time finding Dana,
even though I'd never set foot in Trinity Hospital before. I went all
over that hospital looking for her and just couldn't find her. I
thought she'd be in either Medical ICU or a step-down unit, but she
wasn't, and if I had to go ask someone where she was, I was going to
lose faith in myself.

Okay, so it's a silly game. We all have our little quirks. You spend
as many years in oncology as I did and you'll come up with a few games
to divert your mind from what's going on, too -- along with some
really awful, hard-boiled jokes that you'd just die if anyone outside
the nursing staff ever heard them. It's part of how you deal with it,
and it was part of how I was dealing with it now.

I didn't say it was pretty. I just said it works. 

Anyway, I started looking around for familiar sights and sounds that
would tip me that I'd hit the oncology section of the med-surg floor:
People wearing turbans or wigs, walking around with infusion pumps
that had the familiar chemo mixtures piggybacked, maybe a radiotherapy
sign on the door ... 

I found Dana's room all right, but I still lost the game. I knew it
was her room only by the two Navy officers standing by the door. They
both resembled her, but the younger one, a redhead, could almost have
been her twin.

"Hi," I said, and they turned around. The red-headed one smiled.

"Hello," he said. "Can I help you, ma'am?"

"I think you can," I said. "I'm looking for Dana Scully's room, and
from the looks of things, lieutenant, I've found it."

"Yes, ma'am, you have," he said, nodding. "I'm her brother Charlie and
this is our elder brother, Lt. Commander Bill Scully. And you are
..?"

"Jill Reilly," I said, extending my hand. Odd. They reacted to my name
as though they'd heard it. I wouldn't have thought Dana would have
mentioned me. "I'm pleased to meet you both," I said. "I've heard so
much about you."

"I hope it was all good, ma'am," Lt. Scully said, taking my hand. He
still looked surprised, but he was at least polite. That's more than I
can say for his brother.

"Jill Reilly?" Lt. Commander Scully said, with a slight scowl.
"Commander Daniel Reilly's sister?" 

"No, his wife," I said, without thinking, and then I shook my head,
flustered by my mistake. "I mean, his ex-wife. We're divorced."

"His ex-wife?" Lt. Scully said.

"He was married?" Lt. Commander Scully said, simultaneously.

They both looked ... almost shocked. I found that a little disturbing.

"Do you gentlemen know Daniel?" I said, cautiously.

"We just met him," Lt. Scully said, nodding toward the door. "He's in
there with Dana right now."

My heart leapt up in spite of me. "Oh, is he here?" I said, trying to
sound calm. "I thought he was at sea."

Okay, now they were really looking at me strangely. 

"Yes, ma'am," Lt. Scully said, slowly. "He's here. He and our mother
are here visiting Dana ... and so is ... um ... Agent Mulder ..."

Oh. I got it now. They thought I didn't know about Mulder. But then,
judging from the look on Lt. Commander Scully's face, he didn't
especially like knowing about Mulder. He looked as though he'd just
been forced to pluck a five-day old lemon out of a Dumpster and suck
on it.

Something was up here. But I didn't think it was a good idea for me to
try to find out what. I needed to stay perfectly calm and betray
absolutely nothing. 

I was sure I could manage that. It's another dubious benefit of
spending years in oncology.

"I see," I said, nodding politely. "Well, I'm glad to hear it. I
haven't seen Daniel or Mulder in ages. But I really came here to see
Dana. How is she today, anyway?"

"She's very well, Mrs. Reilly, thank you," Lt. Scully said. "In fact,
it seems she's in remission."

I gasped. I couldn't help it. "In remission?" I said. "Oh, lieutenant,
that's wonderful! That's the best news I could imagine!"

"Better than seeing me again?" came a voice from behind me. "I must be
slipping."

I whirled around. It was Daniel, with Fox and Mrs. Scully standing
just behind him.

"Danny," I whispered.

"Hello, sweetie," he said, with a soft smile, and he held out his arms
to me.

That was the end of all my plans to be cool, calm and collected.
Without another thought, I ran to him, and he lifted me off my feet
and kissed me, just as he had every other time he came home from the
sea.

"Oh, Daniel, it's so good to see you," I said, wrapping my arms around
his neck so tightly I'm surprised he could breathe. "When did you get
back?"

"I just got here about 30 minutes ago," Daniel said, giving me another
kiss before putting me back on the ground. "But I'm not really back.
It's just a short leave."

"Oh," I said, feeling unaccountably disappointed. I let go of him and
straightened my clothes a little. "I had hoped ... how long can you
stay?"

"Not long, I'm afraid," Daniel said, and he reached over and smoothed
the hair away from my face. "It's emergency leave and the emergency
seems to be over. Which is good, of course, but it does mean I have to
get back to my ship. Today, probably, if I can arrange
transportation."

Daniel was looking at me as he spoke, but out of the corner of my eye,
I could see Mulder and Mrs. Scully casting uncomfortable looks in the
direction of the Scully brothers when Daniel mentioned his ship.

Something was definitely up. But I didn't have time to wonder what --I
hadn't even spoken to Mulder or Mrs. Scully yet.

"I'm sorry for that, if not for the reason," I said, and I gave him
another quick kiss on the cheek. "I know we'd all like to keep you
here longer. I certainly would."

Daniel just smiled in reply, but it was one of those smiles of his
that could melt an iceberg before it calved. It reminded me of the way
he used to smile at me during our marriage on those all-too-few nights
when something was going to happen in bed ...

Okay, Jill, stop right there. You do not need to think about that, not
at all. 

I stepped over to Mulder and gave him a quick embrace and a kiss on
the cheek, which he returned, along with a more heartfelt, "Hello,
Jill," than I usually got from him. 

I hugged Mrs. Scully, too, but she still seemed a bit distracted,
although she smiled at me and hugged me back. We exchanged a few
words, and then she excused herself and said she needed to talk to her
sons, and they --reluctantly, I thought -- followed their mother down
the hallway.

"You seemed surprised to see me, Mulder," I said. "Didn't Mr. Skinner
tell you I was coming?"

"Skinner?" Mulder said, raising his eyebrows. "What's his part in all
this?"

"I'd like to know that myself," Daniel said, looking over his shoulder
at Mulder. "I've got a few things to tell you about him."

"Well, you can ask him now if you want to," I said. "He just went to
park his car. He should be here in a minute or two."

"He actually brought you here himself?" Mulder said, shooting me
another look that went from surprised to keenly analytical in about a
microsecond. "I find that rather strange."

"It's no great mystery, Mulder," I said. "He called me a couple of
days ago and said Dana wasn't doing well and that he'd made
arrangements for me to visit her. He picked me up at the airport and
brought me here. That's really all there is to it."

Mulder shook his head. "Not if I know Skinner, it's not," he said.
"He's up to something."

"Whatever it is, I don't have time to figure it out right now," Daniel
said. "I've got to get on the phone and arrange a ride back to the
Adriatic."

"Already?" I said, even though I guess I already knew the answer.
"Can't you stay just for a few days?"

Daniel shook his head. "I really have to get back," he said. "But the
deployment should be over soon. Maybe we'll get a chance to visit for
a while then -- that is, if you still want to."

"Of course I do," I said, quickly. "I just don't know when that would
be, since I have to go back to San Diego."

"Yeah, it's just like they say: It's always something," Mulder said.
"If you don't mind going outside, Daniel, you can use my cell phone.
Just don't make any prank calls that'll get traced back to me, okay?"

"Aw, shoot," Daniel said. "No Prince Edward in a can, huh?"

"Not unless you want the FBI after you, sailor," Mulder said, handing
him the phone. "Go on, make your damn call, but don't ..."

He stopped there, his eyes narrowing just slightly and a hint of a
frown on his face, which I saw even though he tried to turn away from
me so I wouldn't. I looked up at Daniel to see if I could figure out
what was going on... Daniel's expression was softer, but he still
looked a little unhappy. 

"Hello, Jon," Daniel said, looking beyond me to someone else.

I turned around. It was Jon Zuckerman, Dana's oncologist. I knew him
because I'd worked in oncology in a VA hospital where he practiced.
We'd always gotten along fairly well -- in fact, he and Daniel had
gotten to be pretty good friends during that time. They spent a lot of
time together, playing basketball or whatever, until Daniel left for
Desert Storm. Even then, Jon used to ask me all the time whether I'd
heard from Daniel and how he was doing.

So why did both Daniel and Mulder look so unhappy to see him? It
couldn't be over Dana -- she was doing far, far better than anyone
ever had any right to hope that she would.

"Daniel," Jon said, with a nod, extending his hand. "This is a
pleasant surprise. It's good to see you, too, Jill, of course. How are
you? It's been a long time."

"Six years," Daniel said, shaking Jon's hand, but I thought he seemed
.. I don't know, a little wary, maybe? "How have you been, Jon?"

"Much the same as at our last meeting, Daniel," Jon said. "But what
would you expect? Agent Mulder, good to see you again. How are you?"

"Oh, you know," Mulder said, softly, but with an unmistakeable edge in
his voice. "Much the same as at our first meeting, Dr. Zuckerman. But
then, what would you expect?"

Well. Zuckerman didn't like that comment one bit. If looks could kill,
I do believe Fox Mulder would have been lying on the floor dead right
then, the way Zuckerman was glaring at him.

I couldn't help wondering what it was that Mulder was referring to,
but I knew I wouldn't find out just then. I suppose it was just
Mulder's frustration over Dana's illness, but that was over now. He
never struck me as the type to carry a grudge, either.

Daniel, on the other hand, looked as though he'd just figured out
where he'd left that live granade. His eyes got bigger, and his mouth
opened, just slightly, as he looked slowly from Zuckerman to Mulder.
There was a light going on in his head, but it was not a happy one at
all.

"You two know each other?" Daniel said, slowly. 

"Actually, Daniel, we had a drink together not too long ago,"
Zuckerman said. "We just happened to run into each other."

"You know, Daniel, if you don't mind, I think I'll go with you when
you make that phone call," Mulder said, abruptly. "I'd imagine Dr.
Zuckerman will want to see Scully alone."

"If you need to make a call, Daniel, you can use my office," Zuckerman
said, blandly, almost as though Mulder hadn't spoken. "It's at the end
of the hall, first door past the nurses' station." He reached into his
pocket and took out some keys, selected one and handed the keys to
Daniel. "Just lock it back up when you're done."

"Thanks, Jon," Daniel said, putting out his hand.

What happened next was really weird. Zuckerman put the keys in
Daniel's hand, but then he laid his hand on Daniel's, on top of the
keys, just for a few seconds longer than he really needed to. It was
almost like ...

No way. I wasn't going there at all. Besides, Zuckerman had been
dating one of the other nurses ... hadn't he?

Mulder cleared his throat, and Zuckerman pulled his hand back,
quickly, looking like he'd been caught. Oh, this was not good ... I
did not want to think about what all this might mean, not at all. 

But I couldn't help it. God help me, I couldn't.

Daniel took his hand away, his eyes fixed on Zuckerman's. He did not
look happy; in fact, he looked ... a little angry.

"Fox," Daniel said, without moving his eyes, "you still want to come
with me?"

"Sure," Mulder said, and I thought I saw just a little bit of a gleam
-- a triumphant gleam -- in his eye.

Daniel nodded. Then he turned and looked at me. He must have seen some
of the fear that I was feeling, because his expression immediately
changed from angry to worried, and then to guilty.

Oh, my God, I thought, horror-stricken. Please don't let it be ...
please.

But it was. Daniel may have hidden a lot of things from me, but he
wasn't hiding this very well. I knew that look on his face so well ...
it was the look that said, "I'm sorry, Jill."

I looked down at the floor. I had to steady myself before I could
speak. I still hadn't put a name to what I was thinking, but I could
feel the words pushing against the fabric that divided my subconscious
mind from my conscious mind. Those words were struggling to get out,
and I didn't want to be around any of these men when they did.

Finally, I looked up at Zuckerman, and I suppose this time it was my
turn to send death-dealing glares his way. "If you don't mind, Jon," I
said, as politely as I could manage, "would you tell Dana that I'm
coming by to see her after lunch? I need to go find a hotel room, and
I haven't had breakfast yet ..."

"Of course," Zuckerman interrupted me. At least he had the grace to
look guilty, too. "I'm sure she'll be glad to hear it. Any chance of
your staying on here and looking after her post-discharge? I can't
think of another nurse I'd rather have caring for my patients than
you, Jill."

He really sounded sincere about that. Nice of him, I suppose. 

I shook my head. "I have a job at Scripps Mercy, San Diego, in ob-
gyn," I said. "I have to get back there soon. I don't do oncological
nursing anymore, Jon."

"I'm sorry to hear it," Zuckerman said, and he still sounded sincere.
"I hope you're happy doing what you do now."

"I'm happier than I've been for a long time," I said, trying to keep
my voice steady. "Staying around here is the last thing I want to do."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Daniel wince at that. He
reached out for me, tried to take my hand, but I pulled it away before
he could reach me.

God damn it, Daniel ... the man was my friend, my co-worker ... 

How the hell could you do this to me?

I could feel tears starting up in my eyes. They were all staring at
me, and I knew that none of us was under any illusions any longer.

Once again, Daniel had made a fool out of me.

I had to get out -- now.

I tried to raise my eyes to meet Daniel's, but I couldn't. I only made
it about halfway, my gaze fastening on the row of ribbons on his chest
.. for a moment I just looked at them, idly remembering each one, how
he got it and why. "I have to go, Daniel," I said, softly. "I'll try
to catch up with you later, okay?"

"All right," Daniel said, softly. "I hope you will. I have missed you,
Jill."

I wanted to answer him, but I couldn't. My self-control was rapidly
running out. I just nodded, and turned away, and walked down the
hallway.

I only looked back once. There was Daniel, his head hanging, looking
unhappier than I'd seen him since he'd been with Mulder; Mulder,
looking at Zuckerman, with an expression on his face halfway between
fear and anger; and Zuckerman looking utterly, completely triumphant.

I didn't know what the game was, and I didn't care. Once again, my
only part in it was to lose.


It's all I ever do.




END "The Eighth Side of the Triangle"(14/?) by Susan Jameson
(DrBarnBarn@aol.com)