"The Eighth Side of the Triangle"(15/?) by Susan Jameson
(DrBarnBarn@aol.com)
See part 1 for headers, archive info, etc.




~~~~~

As Mulder Saw It

~~~~~

God damn Jon Zuckerman to hell.

It wasn't enough he had to stick it to me in Badlands that night; now,
he was sticking it to Jill, too, and she sure as shit didn't deserve
it.

Worst of all, I think, was the look on her face when Zuckerman gave
Daniel those keys ... Jesus, that poor kid. She knew. There was no
mistaking it. And since I'm sure she can do simple math, she knows not
only what happened, but when.

It's an easy equation to work out: Daniel had an affair with Zuckerman
while he was still married to her.

I'm pretty sure that's the first time she's ever been forced to put a
face and a name to Daniel's infidelity, and it turns out to be someone
she knows and used to work with. God, that had to hurt.

I could kill that mother-fucker myself if it weren't for the fact that
he's actually a pretty good cancer doctor.

But he's a lousy human being.

I suppose it was pretty fucking ungrateful of me to be harboring such
dark, murderous thoughts while I was enjoying the hospitality of
Zuckerman's couch, closing my eyes as I half-listened to Daniel,
speaking in low tones to someone at Andrews AFB. I was so damn tired,
in fact, that despite not having seen Daniel for months, I was about
to fall asleep listening to the low, soothing rhythm of his speech.

Finally, though, Daniel put the phone down and turned around to look
at me.

"There's an Air Force C-130 headed to Italy at 1400 today," he said,
simply. "It has two seats available, and I have to be on it, which
means I need to be at Andrews in two hours."

"Shit," I said, sitting up straight. "That soon? Can't you even stay
one night?"

Daniel shook his head. "I wish I could, Fox," he said. "But the ship's
still deployed and I'm still in charge of the health of about 10,000
people in that battle group. I have to go back today."

"Fuck," I muttered, flopping back against the cushions. I felt the
seat next to me settle as Daniel sat down beside me, and then his hand
on my face, caressing gently.

"I'd love to," he whispered, and then he leaned in for a kiss, and I
do mean a kiss. This wasn't the gentle, tender kiss he'd given me
earlier in Scully's room -- this was Daniel in full-out seduction
mode, kissing me hard, coaxing a response from me, urging me to come
along with him for more. I opened my mouth and drew his tongue into my
mouth gently, savoring every hot, wet, hungry inch of him, and I could
feel myself getting hard fast. God, I wanted him. And I couldn't have
him.

It was so fucking unfair, but I had to stop this now before it got out
of hand.

I put my hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him back. "Do me a
favor, sailor," I said, my voice husky with lust. "Don't start
something we can't finish, all right?"

"Who says we can't finish it?" Daniel said, putting one arm around me
and pulling me closer.

"I think you did," I said. "You're the one who said you couldn't stay.
You don't even have time to go home and check on your apartment."

"You're right, I don't," Daniel said, softly, running a hand through
my hair. "But we're here now, and there is a lock on that door."

I couldn't help it. I laughed. "Christ, Daniel," I said. "Does reaming
out junior officers always send your testosterone levels soaring like
this?"

"Oh, yeah," Daniel said, and he kissed me again. "You should see what
happens after I send someone up for Captain's Mast."

"I'm afraid to," I said. I pushed away from him and stood up. 

"Something wrong?" Daniel said, looking up at me.

"Maybe," I said. "Yeah. There is something. Jill."

"What about Jill?" Daniel said, suddenly wary.

"You know what," I said, a little annoyed. "Your ex-boyfriend went out
of his way to let her know what kind of relationship he used to have
with you."

"I know," Daniel said, looking away quickly. "I could kill him for it,
too." Then he looked back at me, and his eyes were clear and steady.
"I'm guessing he didn't waste much time telling you about it, either."

"He didn't," I said, nodding in confirmation. "I ran into him one
night at Badlands, and in less than a minute, he was telling me the
whole story."

"He doesn't know the whole story," Daniel said, getting to his feet
and picking up his hat.

"Why didn't you tell me about him?" I said, putting my hands on my
hips. 

"How was I going to do that?" Daniel said, and I could hear the anger
rising in his voice. "You think I can tell you about my ex-boyfriends
on a ship-to-shore call? Not much, I can't."

"You've had a couple of years to mention his name, Daniel," I said,
sharply. "It sounds to me like he was a little more than just a
trick."

"He was a hell of a lot more than a trick," Daniel said. "Look, Fox, I
don't want to talk about Jon Zuckerman right now. You want to just
drive me to Andrews now before this gets ugly?"

"No, I don't," I said. "I want to know why you never told me you'd
dated him."

"Because when you're married to someone else, you don't call it
dating, Fox," Daniel snapped out. "You call it cheating, and I'm not
terribly proud of it, all right?"

"Did you cheat on him, too?" I said.

"Fuck this!" Daniel said, throwing his hat down on the coffee table
and sitting down on the couch again. "I'll take a goddamn cab, all
right? I can't believe this shit. I'm home for less than two hours and
you're badgering me about my relationship with Jon Zuckerman when we
could be on that couch right now making love."

Shit. Daniel was really upset. I mean, he just doesn't swear and raise
his voice like that, ever. 

Fucking Jon Zuckerman. If he was trying to cause trouble between me
and Daniel, he'd done it ... and I was helping him.

And there was no reason for it. No matter what Fuckerman said, I knew
there wasn't anyone else while Daniel was away. I knew it the way I
knew the sun would rise tomorrow.

And yet here I was, once again, being a perfect asshole to Daniel
because I'm so scared of losing him. I'll admit it: I'm not very brave
about that possibility. 

Daniel ... Daniel is brave and beautiful and lovely even when he is
torn apart and has nothing to give. 

God, even straight men look at Daniel and want him sometimes. 

When I look at him, I want him.

I wanted him right then, right that moment.

I walked over to the door and locked it, then walked back to Daniel
and took his hand.

"Come here," I said, and he looked up at me with a soft question in
his eyes, eyes gone the color of deep sapphires.

But I couldn't tell him. He would have to read my answer in my eyes,
because the blood in my veins was too hot. I needed to cool down.

I needed to cool myself in him.

Daniel stood up and laced his fingers through mine. He started to say
something, but I shook my head. I pulled him closer to me and silenced
him with a kiss.

"Just come to me," I said, and I could hear my voice shake. "Come to
me, Daniel."

And he did.

I took him in my arms and pulled him down on the couch; I turned off
the light, and we were alone, finally, at last ...

I pushed the crisp fabric of his shirt over his head while he looked
at me with fierce lust ... I struggled with the buckle on his belt, I
stripped him bare in the dark of the office, I watched as the light
from under the door made his skin glisten and his eyes glow, made the
dark lights shine in his hair like starshine at midnight.

Everything about him was mine, because he gave himself to me as I took
of him greedily, fiercely ... I rolled him onto his back and he was
hard as a rock beneath me, his strong hands forcing me out of my
clothes as I had forced him out of his. I felt his mouth on mine, on
my neck, on my throat, warm where the cooled air was chilling, his
voice low, urging me on ... I was warm only where he was touching me
and there, my God, I was on fire. 

My lover was naked beneath me and I was making him moan, I was making
him beg for me as I suckled at his nipples, as I slid down his body
and took him in my mouth and begin to suck and stroke him with my
hands because I know him, I knew what he wanted, I knew how to make
him cry out my name and come in my mouth and even though my ass ached
for him, that was what I was going to do to him now.

And there was no sound then except the soft sound of Daniel's moans
and the sound of rain outside, a warm, laughing music in my head,
music for a lovers' dance, a dance of men, hard and strong and danced
in straight lines and hard planes and lust with few preliminary steps
but love, dear Jesus, love that would risk everything for those few
moments alone with my lover's cock strong and salty in my mouth, with
his balls round and loose in my hands, with his moans low and sweet in
my ears ... 

I felt him tense beneath me, felt his whole body tighten, his hands
clenching in my hair as with a sudden thrust upward he came, and the
strong taste of him filled my mouth, over and over, his muffled cries
echoing in my ears as I took him in, one spurt after the other until
he was spent. 

I know the sound of his climax so well, and yet I know that at the end
of my life, after everything that has come and gone in my life, and
all the sweet things it has brought me, nothing will ever equal this
.. if I were dying, if I had one breath left to me, I would still
walk through hell to hear that sound one more time. 

I swallowed what he had given me and laid my head on his still-
quivering abdomen, watching as the last drops trickled from him, but I
didn't touch or taste them, much as I wanted to, because I know him
and I knew it would be too much for him. I just lay there as my dazed
lover stroked my hair and tried to remember where we were.

I wasn't going to give him time for that. I got up from the floor and
laid down beside him, kissing him deeply, touching him everywhere,
soothing him until the confusion in his eyes was gone, replaced by a
look of peace and comprehension ... and anticipation.

He rolled me onto my side next to him; he sat up, and bent his head to
take me in his mouth, to make me wet and hard enough to do what I
wanted to do, and I cried out his name in a wild mix of passion and
gratitude as he made me ready for him ... 

And then he lay down on our quiet, makeshift bed and laid his head on
his arms, leaving room between his long, straight legs for me to
kneel, but I couldn't move at first, struck motionless with awe at the
beauty of Daniel Reilly naked and waiting for me to love him ...

He didn't rush me, so I drank him in, even though the blood was
pounding through my head so hard he must hear it. I reached out my
hand and stroked him, from his shoulder down his back, across his
beautiful ass, down his thigh and his leg ... he smiled as he felt my
hand move across his body.

"You are mine, Daniel," I said, just loud enough to be heard over the
storm outside and the beating of my own heart. "Mine ... do you
understand?"

"I know," he said, quietly. "That's all I've ever wanted to be."

That, finally, was too much for me, and I fell on him like a predator,
I sank my possessive flesh into the smooth heat that was my lover's
body and I thrust into him over and over, I made him mine again as he
was in the beginning. I knew this must hurt him a little; I thought
that maybe I should have tried to find a better lubricant, but
something in my soul told me he wouldn't have let me. 

We needed to be together. Now. And maybe we both needed it to be this
way, a new beginning, not painful the way your first time is, but
something to remember the beginnings of things with.

Too quickly, I felt the tightening deep inside me and I came, shooting
hot jets into him as he had into me, a communion in the flesh of
lovers that only men will ever truly share, and I fell exhausted
beside Daniel, dimly aware that he had taken me in his arms.

It is the truest of ecstasies, this mutual giving and accepting of the
most male substance on earth, the one thing most men would do anything
to avoid touching... semen, the beginning, the sexual exudate of man,
another man, and we luxuriate in it, Daniel and I ... we are not
afraid. 

I burrowed deeper into his arms, seeking his warmth, remembering a day
when he asked me if I really understood how profoundly intimate it is
for one man to touch another the way we do.

I do.

I do.

"Daniel," I said, before I even knew I was going to speak.

"Yeah?" he said, and I could tell he was falling asleep. He always
does.

"Marry me," I said.

That woke him up.

"What?" he said, sitting up in shock. "What did you just say?"

I sat up. "I asked you to marry me," I said. "It's a fairly simple
question."

"The hell it is," Daniel said, in amazement. "You haven't forgotten
it's not legal, have you, G-man?"

"I haven't forgotten one damn thing, sailor," I said. His reaction
actually made me laugh, maybe because I was so damn punchy and sex-
drunk myself. "I'm not saying we get a marriage license. I'm talking
about a commitment ceremony, or whatever they're calling them these
days."

"You have got to be out of your mind," Daniel said, flopping back down
on the couch.

"Thank you," I said, flopping back down beside him. "That's such a
flattering response. You have just assured my self-esteem for the rest
of my life."

"Come on, you know what I mean," Daniel said, propping himself on one
elbow. "Assuming we dodge the Bill Scully bullet, which I admit is a
hell of an assumption, the best way I know of to get kicked out of the
Navy is to send a bunch of people invitations to my wedding to another
man. I love you, Fox, but I've got a little over two years until I can
retire, and if it's all the same to you, I'd rather retire than be
discharged under less-than-honorable conditions."

"I am not suggesting that we hold it in the National Cathedral,
asshole," I said, rolling over to look at him. "I'm serious, Daniel.
Maybe we can't shout it from the housetops, maybe I have to give you a
Duke University class ring instead of a wedding ring, but I want to do
this. I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I've known that since we met."

"Fox, I feel the same way about you," Daniel said, quietly, stroking
my face with one finger. "But why now? Why, after what's just
happened?"

"Because it was really hot, stud," I said, smiling, and Daniel
laughed.

"I thought so, too, but that's not what I was talking about, and you
know it," he said, and his smile faded. "You know what I mean, Fox."

"I know what you mean," I said, more quietly. "And maybe that's the
best reason of all. I'm tired of doing things halfway, Daniel. Maybe I
can't tell the world how I feel about you, but that doesn't mean I
can't tell you, does it?"

"You're really serious about this," Daniel said, almost in wonder.

"You're damn right I am," I said. 

"Fox, listen," Daniel said, hesitantly. "Look, you know I love you. I
want to be with you for the rest of my life. Nothing we say or don't
say in public is going to change that. I'm just not sure I want to get
up and make a fool of myself and you by taking another set of vows. In
case you hadn't noticed, I don't have the world's greatest track
record when it comes to keeping marital vows." 

"That was different," I said.

"It was _not_ different," Daniel said. Abruptly, he got to his feet
and started pulling on his clothes.

"What are you saying?" I said, sitting up. "That if we did this, you'd
cheat on me, too?"

"No, I am not saying that," Daniel said, reaching for his undershirt.
"What I am saying is that I'd feel like the world's biggest hypocrite,
making the same promise of 'till death us do part' to two different
people, both of whom are still living."

"You sound like a Catholic now," I said. 

It was just an off-hand remark, I swear; just a tease. I wasn't
expecting anything like the reaction that I got. Daniel winced, like
I'd kicked him in the stomach, but other than that, he made no move at
all -- just stood there with his uniform shirt in his hands.

Finally, he looked at me. "I _am_ a Catholic," he said, quietly. "I
may not talk about it, Fox, but I still believe."

"I'm sorry," I said, just as quietly. "I didn't mean to make light of
it, honestly. I guess I didn't realize you still identified as a
Catholic after all these years of not practicing the faith."

Daniel shrugged, then tossed the shirt over a chair and sat down next
to me.

"I never wanted to leave the Church," he said, taking my hand. "It
just became very, very clear to me that I wasn't really welcome, that
there was no place for me there."

"Because you're gay or because you're divorced?" I said. 

"Get real," Daniel said, bitterly. "Divorce hardly raises an eyebrow
these days."

"It's not like you've got a pink triangle tattooed on your forehead,"
I said. "They wouldn't know."

"I would," Daniel said, and he gave me a quick smile and squeezed my
hand gently, then got to his feet. "I wish I could, though. I still
miss it, especially during Christmas."

"I don't have any frame of reference for that, Daniel," I said,
shaking my head. "I don't know what to say to you. It sounds to me as
though what you want is for someone to tell you that your sins are
forgiven, and I can't do that. I can't really see that you've sinned,
and the people who do think you've sinned won't forgive you."

"An unresolvable dilemma," Daniel said, agreeing. "So why don't we
just leave things as they are?"

"Because I can't," I said, as gently as I could. "I need more, Daniel.
Even if no one ever knows it but us, I need to hear you say it."

"Why the hell would you believe me if I did say it?" Daniel said. "No.
Let's just let it go by. Maybe in a few years, I'll retire and go into
private practice and then we can do this, if you still want to."

"You're not going to retire in a couple of years," I said. "And I
don't want you to. Maybe before today, I would have. But that was
before I saw you chew Bill Scully out, Daniel."

"What's that got to do with it?" Daniel asked, sounding a little
irritated.

"It told me something about you that I've never realized before," I
said. "I always thought you went into the Navy and stayed in the Navy
because your family expected it. But that's not true, is it? You
really love the Navy. You're part of it, and it's part of you, and you
won't be happy without it."

Daniel shrugged and picked up his shirt. "I'll have to learn to be
happy without it someday," he said, as he pulled the shirt on and
buttoned it. "No one gets to stay in forever."

"That's an evasive truism," I said, standing up and picking my clothes
up off the floor. "I expected better from you."

"Well, try not to expect too damn much right now, okay, Fox?" Daniel
said, brusquely. "I'm not really up to anything philosophical. I spent
most of the past 24 hours on an airplane, I just got outed to a raging
homophobe who just happens to be in the Navy, and whom I just dressed
down good and proper, thus pissing him off even worse than he was
before, and while we're at it, my wife just figured out that I cheated
on her with one of her friends."

"Ex-wife," I said, and immediately regretted it.

"Fuck you," Daniel said, without a trace of humor in his voice. He
meant it.

I didn't know what to say. I never do. It's not usually that easy to
make Daniel angry, and I just don't have much experience dealing with
it. I just turned away from him and started putting on my clothes. 

I was buttoning my shirt when I felt Daniel's hands on my shoulders
and felt his warm breath on my neck.

"I'm sorry," he said, quietly. "You didn't deserve that. I'm more
tired than I thought, I guess."

I reached up and grabbed his hands and pulled them around me, and
leaned against him, letting him hold me.

"Tell me what's wrong, Daniel," I whispered. "Something is, and it's
more than just Blustering Bill Scully."

"It's nothing," he said, and he kissed my cheek. "Really. It's just
been a long few days, and a lot of things have happened -- not all of
them bad, either, but it's just ... it's a lot to take in, that's
all."

"That's not all," I said, and I turned to face him and put my arms
around him. "It's more than that. You're keeping something from me,
baby, and I don't know why."

"Fox, we don't have time for this," he said, and he kissed me, a long,
slow kiss. "I have to leave, and I mean now, if I'm going to catch
that hop. I don't want to start giving you an inventory of all the
things I have to whine about. There's no point in it."

"There is, if it helps me understand," I said.

"You don't have to understand anything except that I love you, and I'm
going to come home to you just as soon as I can," Daniel said, cupping
my face in his hands. "That's enough for now -- isn't it?"

I laughed shakily and leaned my forehead against his. "It's never
enough," I said. "It'll never be enough, not where you and I are
concerned. I started to add up all the days we've spent together since
we met, and I had to stop when I realized how low the total was going
to be."

"Whether I'm with you or not, I'm yours and I love you," Daniel said,
and kissed me again. "Don't ever forget that. And don't forget that I
need to hear from you sometimes while I'm out there tossing around on
the ocean."

"I'll try," I whispered, and then I grabbed him and kissed him with
all the wild hunger that was in me, once more with love and then one
last time to say goodbye.

And then I let him go.





END "The Eighth Side of the Triangle"(15/?) by Susan Jameson
(DrBarnBarn@aol.com)