Title: Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash #1 - #5
Author: KMS! (KMSpider@aol.com)
Fandom: The X-Files
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Officially they belong to TenThirteen Productions and the Fox Network.
Rating: NC17 for male/male sex
Summary: These are the ongoing adventures of two chatroom admins and various and sundry residents. Names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.
Word Count: N/A
Archive: Please inform me


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash.
(A One-sided Conversation)
ByKMS!
KMSpider@aol.com

Warnings: Mild BDSM

"Go ahead and ignore me, fellow lurker. I'll just sit here and feed strawberries to Alex while you read your mail."

"Now, Alex, don't get that whip cream all over your nose like that!"

"Yes, dear, I know that your hands are tied behind your back, but, please, try to be more careful."

"Stop worrying so! It's not like you're going to soil your clothes. Your naked, for heaven's sakes!"

"What do you mean Mulder made you drop that strawberry on the carpet? Well, he shouldn't have been trying to eat it from your bellybutton in the first place."

"Who do you think is going to clean it up, Mulder? Don't look at *me*, Mr. Smartypants-contortionist!"

"Yes, you and Mulder can play 'Acrobat' later." [heavy sigh]

"No. I said, no. Not now. Look what you've done. That carpet cleaning is coming out of your allowance, Mister."

"Mulder, get that strawberry away from his ass!"

"And just how did Alex get out of the handcuffs?"

"What do you mean you lost seven minutes?"

"Mulder, Alex did not use 'The Whammy' on you."

"And, no, Alex is *not* the reincarnation of The Great Houdini!"

"Mulder, he couldn't have stolen the key out of your pocket. You're wearing chaps, dear boy, and nothing else. They have no pockets."

"Let me see. No, that is not a rash that's a bite mark. You've been making Alex play the part of the horse again, haven't you? I should have know better than to let you wear the chaps this time."

"Well, you tell *me* where he got the spurs."

"Don't blame me, *you* told him you would be the horse this time, Mulder."

"Alex, I don't think you need to use the riding crop... Alex? Alex! Oh! I'll bet that stings."

"Maybe if you ask real nice, Alex will kiss it better for you. Did you ask him?"
[Door opens to admit new chatter. Mistress patently ignores the two men writhing on the floor.]

"Oh, hi! Welcome to the Rathole!


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 2
(Another One-sided Conversation)
By
KMS!
KMSpider@aol.com

[Mistress retrieves the last batch of warm cookies from the oven and sets them out on the coffeetable, giving the Rathole one last glance to make sure everything is in its place. Suddenly she hears a roar and spins around to see the commotion.]

"Not in the Chat Room, Alex!"

"Look out for the couch!"

"Now you've upset the tray of Muldercock (tm) cookies."

"Alex, I don't think you should be riding a Harley in the Chat room, or wearing just chaps."

"Well, I guess it would feel kind of good. All that vibration. But look! Mulder burned all the hair off his calf by touching the hot muffler."

"Do you really think he should ride in the backseat naked like that?"

"No, you are *not* going to try and jump the coffee table."

"I don't care if Mulder *did* challenge you."

"Alex... [yelling over the roar of an engine] Alex? Alex! Now how the heck am I going to get tire tracks out of the carpet? No, I don't think it *is* a WearEver (tm) carpet."

"Yes, it was a nice landing. Well, except for the part where you bounced Mulder off the back seat. And when you hit the far wall. I think you left a dent. I told you not to do sixty miles an hour in the Chat Room. Even if you did use the hallway to get up to speed."

"And just where did you get the launch ramp? Skinner's going to want the top to his desk back, you know. Whole. Without skid marks."

"No, Mulder. He's *not* just like Evil Kinevel. He's much prettier. How's the tush?"

"I don't think you broke anything. No, you already had that crack in your ass. And well used, buy the looks of it, I might add."

"Alex, would you please put that thing elsewhere, I can't see the TV."

"Well, you might just peek in. I don't think anyone would notice a Harley parked in the AD's office. And if they do, they'll just think Skinner's gone butch this week."

[ding dong]

"Mulder, see who's at the door."

"What's this? An eviction notice! Damn it! I told you not to ride the hog in the Chat room."

"Mulder, where did Alex go?"

"What do you mean he's taking care of the eviction notice?"

"If he's down there blowing the landlord, I'm gonna kill him."

"No. No, I'm sorry. Alex wouldn't cheat on you. I know that. Remember? He told us both that he didn't touch the pizza boy last week, he promised he got the pizza for free because he had a coupon. Now dry your eyes, Mulder."

"What would Scully think if you go to work with puffy, red eyes?"

"Okay, so she might not notice if you walked in naked, but you might want to slip into something. The weatherman predicts rain."

[door opens again]

"All right, Alex, just tell me what you traded for."

"Good heavens! Don't tell Mulder that. I think he kind of likes the AD. He might be mad if he found out you traded Skinner for the eviction."

"I still say you should have offered him the Harley."

[door opens again to admit a Chatter. Mistress turns her back on the rumpled room, pretending nothing is amiss.]

"Welcome to the Rathole. Please, take a seat and put your feet up."[quietly to herself] "If you can find a chair that hasn't been run over, that is..."


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 3
(Yet another one-sided conversation)
By
KMS!
KMSpider@aol.com

[Mistress looks about the messy chat room wondering if it will ever be clean again. There are tire tracks on the rug and Skinner's desk is a shambles. The hole in the far wall stares at her accusingly, left there by the great 'Coffeetable Jump' by Krycek Kenivel, and his trusty companion, Fox, the Human Fly.]

[Mistress mutters to herself] "More like fly to the floor. Hrumph!"

"Alex, when are you going to fix the wall?"

"Well, yes. If you think Mulder knows what he's doing, he can help."

"Emmmm, power tools?" [uncertain] "Are you should you should be using power tools?"

"Alex, shouldn't you be wearing more than just chaps if you are going to be using power tools?"

[chuckling] "Yes, you look quite fetching in safety glasses."

"Okay, but what about Mulder?" [snort] "Wearing a condom is considered safety gear only in your world, Alex."

"Alex, I don't think that just putting a toolbelt around Mulder's waist would be legally considered safety gear." [smirk]

"You could put Mulder in an apron and have him work on the tire tracks on the rug."

"Mulder, how did you talk *Scully* into coming over to clean the rug? What did you use to bribe her? Yeah, I guess I could make some more Muldercock(tm) cookies later."

"Alex, keep that buffer away from Mulder's ass! That is no way to have a freckle removed."

"I didn't know that drills came with *those* kinds of attachments! Is that dildo made by Black and Decker?"

"Mulder, I know they call it a screwdriver, but its not supposed to be used like *that*!"

"Alex, you've managed to make to make the hole in the wall bigger!"

[Mistress winches.] "Um, yeah. The wall looks fine."

[Mistress stares at the warped paneling *taped* over the hole in the wall with duct-tape and shakes her head sighing. At least they tried.]

"Well, see what you can do with Skinner's desk."

"I told you that he was going to want it back. He was in here just this morning looking for it."

"Yes, I did manage to hide the pieces till after he left."

"By the way, Alex, he found the Harley that you left in his office. He thinks someone left it there as a present. Someone left a bow on it."

"Don't look at me, 'Bob Villa', I think your trusty assistant did that!"

"I don't think the desk is supposed to wobble like that. No, I don't think he's going to want to have it back if it needs a brick to hold up that side. I take it you've never even *seen* 'The New Yankee Workshop"

"What did you do to the legs? It's awfully short now. Alex, that desk barely reaches my knees now. There is no way Skinner is going to fit behind it!"

[Mistress peers through the hole in the wall as the taped paneling falls off, revealing another room.]

"You know, I think I can see The Ferretcage from here."

[Mistress waves]

"Hey look! There's Jeffery!"

[Jeff rattles the bars on the cage in which Drovar keeps him]

"I saw that look you two. You are not going to tell Skinner that Jeffery stole his desk!"

"Maybe if you bribe Jeffrey he'll help you fix the desk. I've got fresh cookies."



Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 4
(And Another One-sided Conversation)
By
KMS!
KMSpider@aol.com

[Mistress relaxes on the couch, reading a slashy tale, waiting for the fellow chatters to arrive. She looks up as she hears a noise.]

"Mulder, dear, what are you humming, 'I'm an old cowhand from the Rio Grande?'"

"Mulder, *wearing* mules is not the same as *riding* a mule." "Well, yes, you do look quite spiffy in heels. Nice ankles. Ever think of shaving those legs?"

"Be careful, heels can be difficult to walk in." [Mistress rolls her eyes as Mulder wobbles about the Chat room.] "Mulder, you have all the grace of a drunken cat." "Well, yes, you can play with Spender. Just be careful. You know how his owner gets. Very protective. He wasn't too pleased with you and Alex when you sent him home last week with a red butt."

"I'm not so sure he deserved to be spanked just for eating the last cookie. You didn't spank Scully when *she* ate the last cookie."

"I agree. She probably *could* take you and Alex both with one hand tied behind her back. Self-preservation is a good thing, I suppose."

"You have to admit, she did a real nice job getting the tire tracks out of the carpet. And she didn't even tell Skinner who parked the Harley in his office."

"Now, Alex, don't grumble. I told you not to ride the Harley in the chat room anyway."

"No. I don't think Mulder traded him the Harley for the desk you couldn't put back together. Still, you shouldn't have used it for a launch ramp in the first place."

"Well, I'd hardly call either of you Mr. Fix-it. The desk wouldn't even stand when you two 'repaired' it."

"Alex, steal Mulder's heels again and I'll fix you!" "No. I'm sorry. I won't have you neutered. I promise. Mulder would never forgive me. But do it again and your ass will be as red as Spender's was."

"Mulder, Jeffrey did *not* have a sun burn! Nobody gets a sunburn *just* there!"

"Honestly, if you aren't nice to Jeffrey, I'll have to tell his owner you two can't play."

"Alex, I'm not so sure that heels go with chaps." "Alex, get off his back. I told you that you couldn't make Mulder the horse anymore."

[Mistress cocks her head to one side.]

"He does look quite fetching with a bit in his mouth, doesn't he?" "Alex, I told you no riding crop this time. Alex? Alex!" "Does it sting, Mulder? Just rub it a bit, I'm sure that red mark will go away on its own."

"Honestly, if you two don't behave yourselves, I'm going to get a cage, just like Drovar has for Jeffrey."

"Well, yes, I did ask, and Drovar assured me that Jeffrey is only in the cage for 'Fantasy Time.'"

"No, he said something about 'Naked Slaveboy Auction' and 'Bad Cop, Friendly Convict', why, did you want to see if we could borrow it?"

"Alex, I'm not sure it should be used as a corral for your recalcitrant mount."

"Mulder, stop jumping up and down like that. You are not a bucking bronco!"

"Oh, sorry, dear. I didn't see that Alex had found the spurs. By all mean, feel free to buck him off, Trigger."

[[Mistress turns to greet new chatters to the Rathole, patently ignoring the 'Rathole Rodeo' taking place behind her.]

"Welcome to The Rathole!"



Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 5
(Another One-sided Conversation)
By
KMS!
KMSpider@aol.com

[Mistress eyes a large square object, covered by a tiger print sheet, sitting in the middle of the Chatroom.

"Mulder? Alex? Where are you two? What's this* *thing* for? [Mistress hears giggling from under the sheet and raises a corner cautiously. "What are you two rascals doing in there? Well, boys?" [Mistress tugs at the sheet until it floats off the large square cage, revealing Mulder and Alex seated inside, wearing nothing but leather collars and body paint, giving them the illusion of being tigers.]

"All right. Just tell me how much you jacked up my credit card for this?" "You *borrowed* it? And they *know* you borrowed it? From *whom* did you borrow it? I'm not going to have the police knocking at my door again, am I?

This isn't another of your Midnight Skulking Missions is it?" "Jeffrey? Does Drovar know you have it?" "What do you mean you *borrowed* Jeffrey, too? Drovar's going to kill me." "What did you do with him? Come on, out with it. Where is Little Jeffrey? By god, if you boys send him home with a red butt again, *his* won't be the *only* blistered hide*."

[Mistress ignores the giggling behind her as she turns to face Jeffrey, who steps out from the large hole in the wall, wearing Alex's chaps and carrying a bullwhip.]

"Oh my. Jeffrey? Little Jeffrey? Is that really you?" "Soooo, boys. What's the game you're playing?" "Jeffrey in the Tigers' Den?"

"I'd keep a good grip on that whip if I were you, Jeff. Those look like awfully ferocious beasts."

[Mistress finds her latest story and settles down to read, keep a surreptitious eye on the boys.]

"Jeffrey, are you certain that you need the chair, too? Just don't leave any bruises on them, okay?"

"Sorry, Jeff. I didn't mean to distract you as you entered the cage?" [Mistress shakes her head as a giggling Spender is pounced upon and 'savaged' with kisses by the caged beasties.]

"Mulder, no biting. No hickeys. We're sending him back as pristine as we got him."

"Alex! No biting Mulder. No fighting Mulder. No hoarding the choice pieces of Jeffrey for yourself."

"Jeff, you'll never be able to control them if you can't stop giggling." "The Ferret is holding a whip over the Fox and the Rat. This isn't a chat room, its 'Animal Farm'!

"Alex, the Tigers are not supposed to be able to use a whip! Alex? Alex!"

[Mistress ignores the crack of the whip and gleeful howls behind her as the door to the chatroom opens.]

"Welcome to the Rathole!"