Title: Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash #16 - #20
Author: Lycanthrophile (lycanthrophile@imadethis.org) and KMS! (kmspider@aol.com)
Fandom: The X-Files
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Officially they belong to TenThirteen Productions and the Fox Network.
Rating: NC17 for male/male sex
Summary: These are the ongoing adventures of two chatroom admins and various and sundry residents. Names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.
Word Count: N/A
Archive: Please inform me


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 16
By lycanthrophile
lycanthrophile@imadethis.org

(Thanks to SugarRush for some ideas.)

[Mistress-In-Training steps into the Rathole with her arms full of shopping bags. She directs the Bunny Krycek Clones to put up everything except for the ingredients for the Muldercock (tm) cookies. In one corner is a 9 foot Xmas tree, which Alex and Mulder are decorating while Skinner and Spender 'supervise.']

"The tree looks pretty good, Mulder. But don't you think that we should have some more decorations on it other than blown-up condoms?"

"Well, yes, red, gold, and green condoms are festive, but you're sure you don't want to put something else on the tree?"

"Alex, what are you doing with that pin?"

"Alex! Popping those condoms wasn't nice. You know how short of breath Mulder gets blowing them up."

"You're looking for an excuse to give him mouth-to-mouth? You normally don't need an excuse. Anyway I thought that", [points to the ceiling covered in mistletoe] "was more than enough of an excuse."

"Yes, Walter, I noticed that there are more condoms on one side of the tree than the other. Give them some time to finish and don't be so anal about it."

"Yes Walter, I'm well aware of the fact that ex-Marine types are supposed to be anal. Why aren't you and Jeffrey helping?"

"Being the Assistant Director means you get to delegate your work? Maybe in the Office, but around here, The Mistress and I have the final say. So get over there and help them. And what's your excuse Jeffrey?"

"You caught a cold when you and Ferretboy built an anatomically correct snowman last night? Are you sure you should be here then?"

"You were lonely and are waiting here while Ferretboy finishes making you Turkey Krycek Clone Soup?!? You don't mean that...!!!"

"Oh, you're waiting here for Ferretboy and the Turkey Krycek Clone to finish making you some soup. It was difficult to understand you through all those sneezes."

[After leaving Jeffrey huddled in misery on the couch with a quilt and a box of tissues, Mistress-In-Training grabs a box from one of the passing Krycek Clones.] "I just bought us a whole bunch of Xmas ornaments. Why don't you put some of these glass balls on the tree?"

"You're right, Mulder. What was I thinking? Blue balls just aren't fitting for this room."

"Alex! You keep that tinsel away from Mulder! It's for the tree, not bondage games!"

"No, you can't use the popcorn strands for tying him up either. Even though butter makes a good lube, you're not supposed to put it on the tree. And we don't want to stain the new floors after only being here a week."

"No Mulder! Don't even think about putting that cranberry string in Alex's ass. It's not the same thing as a 'string of pearls'."

"Yes, Walter. I think several people will be getting stockings full of coal from Santa Claus. Where are the stockings anyway?"

"Alex, when the author of "Twas the Night Before Xmas" wrote that 'the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, I don't think he meant sheer black thigh-hi's. Mulder, why don't you put the star on top of the tree and we'll call it done."

[As Krycek and Skinner, arguing over who will hold Mulder from behind while he put the star in place, Mistress-In-Training puts out a new sign.]

Welcome to the Rathole
Happy Holidays!


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 17
By
KMS!
kmspider@aol.com

[Mistress watches as a group of Bunny Krycek Clones hop by, headed for the Christmas tree, their arms laden with blinking Christmas lights. As they pass, she notices that each of them has a tag dangling from their fluffy white tails. As the parade of clones continues on, she reads a few of the fluttering gift tags.... Josan, Shael, Phyre, Bernice, Sugar, Araxdelan, Nonie, Ori, Leigh, Little Alex, Ratgirl, Jill, LCFenster, RussianRat and a host of other names dangle amid the plushy buns.]

"Mulder, you're giving a BKC to Ferretboy? What's he going to do with it? You know that it's only Jeffery that he adores."

"But Jeffrey doesn't need another clone to cuddle with when Ferretboy's away on business. He already made off with the Turkey Krycek Clone. And Scrooge... er, I mean, Skinner, too, for that matter. Sorry, Walter. And I have it on good authority that Jeffrey has been caught doing unspeakable things with the turkey baster. Ferretboy says that even Walter has learned to run away in fright at the sight."

[Mistress looks over and sees a recumbent figure wrapped in swaddling clothes that look suspiciously like the quilt that was given to Jeffrey last week.]

"Mulder, when Jeffrey wakes up from the NyQuil Mickey that you slipped him, tell him that he's not supposed to sleep in the manger. That's for the baby Jesus."

[Mistress watches as the Turkey Krycek Clone wildly waves his fingers in the air trying to dislodge the tape that is stuck to them while Mulder (wearing a ridiculous elf hat) wrestles down the rumpled corner of wrapping paper onto the Christmas present between them.]

"Walter, take those brass balls off the tree. They're pulling down the limbs. You're supposed to use *glass* balls.

[Mistress watches a group of KBCs and Skinner stand in front of the Christmas tree, arm in arm, swaying softly as they play the sing-a-long album to 'A Charlie Brown Christmas', Walter's bass voice nicely carrying a tune among the tenors. She smiles to herself as she notices that they each have bows and ribbons and tinsel hanging off their tails. Suprisingly, even Skinner's backside is decorated with a bow, in imitation of the furry tails. Then she suddenly frowns when she realizes that there is snow falling down on the Christmas tree.]

"Alex! What are you doing up there? Why is there a hole in the ceiling?" "You wanted a white Christmas? Alex, we can use flock! We don't need real snow to sprinkle down on the tree!"

"What is that in your hands, Alex?"

"No. No! NO!! You are *not* using a sled to ski down into that snowdrift in the living room!"

[Mistress is unable to pull her eyes away as Alex skis down the hole, into the living room, heading straight for the tree and the singing KBCs and Skinner. He hits the tree, sending it sailing into the air, then barrels on, running down the KBCs like elf-bowling pins, and snagging Skinner into the seat behind him.]

"Alex, look out!"

[Mistress watches as the tree makes a perfect arc in the air, landing (a bit wobbly and nearly spearing a Wise Man) in the middle of the nativity scene, somehow managing to not wake Jeffrey in the process.]

[Mulder and the Turkey Krycek Clone spring to their feet, leaping out of the way of the sled at the last minute. The Christmas present between them is clipped and flips into the air, tattered and half wrapped, landing near Mistress's feet.]

[Mistress watches as Alex and Skinner end their wild ride with a thump against the far wall, dislodging a Christmas wreath that falls and ends up wrapped around their necks.]

"That's it, young man. You are in such trouble!" [Mistress sighs in relief that no one is hurt and then notices that the package that Mulder and TKC were wrapping (addressed to Scully) suddenly spouts four furry white feet and hops away.]

"Mulder!"

Welcome to the Rathole.
Ski-lift tickets on sale inside.


Keeping Your Boys on A Short Leash 18
By
KMS!
kmspider@aol.com

'Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the Rathole
Not a Ferretboy was stirring,
("That's because Jeffrey wore him out.")
Not even a Fox;
The chaps were hung
By the chimney with care
In hopes that Santa Alex
Would strip someone bare;

The KBCs were nestled
All snug in their beds,
While visions of SugarRush
Danced in their heads;

And Mistress-in-Training
And I in our stupid elf hats
("That Mulder made us wear.")
Had just settled our brains
For a long winter's nap;

When out on the lawn
There arose such clatters;
They ran over the Lawn Santa
It was just in tatters

Away to the window
I flew like a flash
("Neatly jumping over the crumbs of devoured Muldercock(tm) cookies, mind you.")
Tore open the shutters
And threw up the bad eggnog
("Note to Self: Have Skinner check the expiration date next time.") The moon, on the breast of a new-fallen Turkey Krycek Clone ("Who had tripped getting out of bed.")
Gave the luster of midday to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh,
And eight tiny Bunny Krycek Clones
("Well, maybe not so tiny. And wearing fake antlers. And since when do reindeer have fluffy white bunny tails?")

With a little old driver,
("It's a figure of speech, Alex. They don't mean 'old old'.")
So lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Santa Alex. More rapid than eagles
("And drunker than beagles.")
His coursers they came
("...and came, and came, and.....")
And he whistled and shouted,
("Hey, keep it down. I don't want to get evicted again.") And called them by name,
("It says 'by name', Alex. Not called them names.")

'Now, BKC! Now, BKC!
Now, BKC and BKC!
On, BKC! On, BKC!
On, BKC and BKC!
("Okay, so we really should look into giving them each a name of their own.")
To the top of the porch!
To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away!
Dash away all!
("Hey, come back here, you guys! We're not done yet! Well, yes, I know that I told you to 'dash away', but... Just get over here!")

As dry leaves that before
The wild hurricane fly,
("Jeffrey, stop blowing on everything, we don't need special effects.")
When they meet with an obstacle,
Mount to the sky;
("Now, just stop that, Mulder! They don't mean *that* kind of mount!")
So up to the house-top
The coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Sex Toys,
And wrapped Bunny Krycek Clones, too.
("Mulder, you were supposed to wrap them and leave airholes. There is a big difference between airholes and gloryholes!")
And then, in a twinkling,
I heard on the roof
("Alex, you better not be planning another sled ride through the chat room! I'm warning you!")
The prancing and pawing
Of each little hoof.
([snicker] "I agree, that probably isn't their hooves. That sounds like a pair of Nikes, size 11.")

As I drew in my head,
And was turning around,
Down the chimney Santa Alex
Came with a bound.
He was dressed all in leather,
("Except for the feather boa! And it's pink!")
From his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished
With ashes and soot;
(Mistress winches. "All right, who started the Duraflame log?")
A bundle of Sex Toys
He had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler
Just opening his pack.
("I am not making that up, Alex. See. It says it right here. Yes, I do know you have better taste in clothing than that.")

His eyes - how they twinkled!
("Well, *that* sounds like you.")
His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses,
("This is starting to sound suspiciously like the Wanted Poster that Skinner put out.")
His nose, like a cherry!
("You haven't been into the vodka again, have you? Your nose is awfully bright.")
His droll little mouth
Was drawn up like a bow,
("Some might call it beestung!")
And the beard of his chin
Was as white as the snow;
("Skinner, stop tugging on that. Of course, it's fake!")
The stump of a pipe
("Alex, it's supposed to be a pipe, not a cigarette... and not a candy cigarette at that.")
He held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled
His head like a wreath;
("You've been hanging around Cancerman too much.")

He had a broad face
And a little round belly
("Plushie!")
That shook, when he laughed,
Like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump,
("No, I don't think they were talking about your cock!")
A right jolly old elf,
And I laughed, when I saw him,
In spite of myself;
("Mind you, that's when I'm not so mad at him that I want to sell him for parts!")
A wink of his green eye
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know
I had nothing to dread;
("Except for the hole in the ceiling from 'Santa's Great Sled Ride.'")

He spoke not a word,
("As if!")
But went straight to work,
("It says 'not a word', Alex!")
And filled all the chaps;
With condoms and lube
("And stiletto heels, too.")
And laying his finger
Aside of Mulder's nose,
And giving a nod,
Up the chimney they rose;

He sprang to his sleigh,
To his team gave a wolf whistle,
And away they all flew
New passenger, too

But I heard him exclaim,
Ere he drove out of sight,
'Happy Christmas to all Rathole lovers,
And to all a goodnight.'

**********************

12 days of Christmas (Rathole style)

On the First day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - A Plush Playroom Cage
On the Second day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - 2 Little Ferrets
On the Third day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - 3 French Ticklers
On the Fourth day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - 4 Sets of Wrist Cuffs
On the Fifth day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - 5 Large Cock Rings
On the Sixth day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - 6 Nipple Clamps
On the Seventh day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - 7 Chocolate Covered Strawberries
On the Eighth day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - 8 Shining Harleys roaring
On the Ninth day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - 9 Bunny Krycek Clones dancing
On the Tenth day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - 10 Strapping Assistant Directors growling
On the Eleventh day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - 11 Turkey Krycek Clones a laying
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, Alex gave to me - 12-month lease on the Rathole

Merry Christmas, Everyone!


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 19
By lycanthrophile
lycanthrophile@imadethis.org

Excerpts from a sheet of paper held by a magnet on #the_rathole refrigerator...

*** New Year's Resolutions ***

1. I resolve not to put holes in any of the walls of #the_rathole. - Alex
You broke this one before you made it. There's already one in the ceiling! - Mulder
Technically, it's not a wall! - Alex

2. I resolve not to use the KBCs as bowling pins, ala Elfbowling. - Mulder
You can only keep this one because Mistress gave them all away as gifts - Alex

3. I resolve not to ride the Harley in #the_rathole. - Alex
As if Skinner'd let you near it! - Mulder

4. I resolve not to leave love notes for Skinner with the Cigarette Smoking Man's signature on them. - Mulder
[Snort!] You'll sign them Mr. Morley instead. - Alex

5. I resolve not to use the turkey baster to terrorize the Turkey Krycek Clone. - Alex
Another easy one! It was that pervert Jeffrey who did it! - Mulder
Pervert? I'm not the one watching Bigfoot videos in bed! - Jeffrey
Well, you know what they say about the size of a man's feet. - Alex

6. I resolve not to pay the pizza boy with a blow job. - Alex
Alex! You swore you used a coupon. - Mulder
Could I help it if he had a coupon for a 'blow job from a green-eyed brunette Russian?' - Alex
Where do I get one of those coupons? - Skinner

7. I resolve not to put Alex on a leash and then pretend to hold him back when the mail man comes and he snarls and nips at the poor man's heels. - Mulder
What? No more leather harness? - Alex
I said no leash, not no harness. - Mulder

8. I resolve not to force the Mistress and the Mistress-In-Training to wear the knitted elf hats I gave them for Xmas. - Mulder
Damn! I just ordered them the matching shoes. - Alex

9. I resolve not to put the KBCs in a box outside a store with a sign around their necks that says 'free to good home.' - Alex
We don't have anymore KBCs. You really have problems with jealousy. - Mulder
I can't help it! My eyes are naturally green. - Alex

10. I resolve to find Scully a boyfriend (or girlfriend, which ever comes first). - Mulder
Finding them isn't the problem, Mulder. It's keeping them alive and sane. Look what happened to Pendrell and Ed Jerse. - Skinner


Keeping Your Boys on A Short Leash 20
By
KMS!
kmspider@aol.com

(Thanks to Fan4Richie for the inspiration)

Note from the Mistress:

It has recently come to our attention that many people who received a Bunny Krycek Clone (Model number 1013) are reluctant to open them in fear that they are not Y2K compliant.

Never fear, fellow Rathole dwellers.

Each and every BKC was put through extensive testing prior to leaving the Rathole and has met all stringent governmental (both FBI and Consortium -- well, at least Mulder and Alex's) requirements.

To ensure that your BKC will continue to function well (function, I didn't say ëbehave', mind you) into the next millennium, please take the following steps.

Notice for New Owners and Y2K Testing Procedures:
1. Open the darn gift box! Those gloryholes don't provide that much air!
2. Encourage your BKC to leave his enclosure by luring him with tasty treats. (Dark chocolate works best. See's Candy, if at all possible.)
3. Speak in a soothing voice while the BKC becomes familiar with his new surroundings. (Warning: Don't let him near your Christmas tree. They have a tendency to want to move all the bulbs to new locations that leave the trees just a little lopsided.)
4. On introduction to a new household, territorial fights may break out between your BKC and any pets. Usually these will end by your BKC clinging to you for protection. While this is generally considered desirable, your BKC will quickly become traumatized by the sight of a fluffy kitten. Be certain to always stay nearby when introducing your BKC to any other pets to settle any spats. (And don't worry, the BKC will find other various and sundry excuses to cling to you.)
5. As the BKC settles down and becomes comfortable, lure... er, I mean, urge him to join you on the couch and put in his favorite movie. (Random Harvest (with Ronald Colman and Greer Garson) is the best choice, but please provide tissues, as they seem to burst into tears in the emotional scenes.)
6. Pet your BKC and let him cuddle close to you until he becomes familiar with your presence and imprints upon you. (You might also provide popcorn at this point, teaching the clone to accept food from your hand)
7. Slowly show your affection to your BKC. Let the BKC approach you in their own time. (SLOWLY, I said, DAMN IT! You don't want to hurt the poor thing.)
8. Once your BKC has become comfortable in your company, continue to stroke and pet him until he falls asleep. (Caution: Failure to apply a continuous repetitive motion may result in your BKC nibbling at your fingers to urge an increased volume of strokes. Do not become alarmed. Your BKC will not bite -- unless specifically asked to do so.)
9. If your BKC fails to fall asleep, you may need to administer a mild sedative. (A cup of hot chocolate appears to work best.)
10. Once the BKC is in a relaxed and receptive state, insert one of the Y2K checking products in any appropriate slot. (Please use appropriate lubricant as your clone is new and has only endured factory testing and may be sensitive to new insertions.)
***Caution: Use only Rathole approved Y2K testing Products. Improper testing products may result in severe psychological damage that may require years of expensive therapy.
11. If there are any difficulties, please feel free to contact one of our crack team of Rathole technicians. (Mulder, Alex, Skinner, or Jeffrey) will be happy to be of assistance and come over to demonstrate proper testing procedures.
12. Once the testing has been completed, please feel free to enjoy hours and hours of fun in the company of your BKC.

Precautions Regarding your Bunny Krycek Clone:
1. Do not place BKC where it will be subject to direct sunlight (they burn easily and need a high SPF) or close to heaters (they tend to hog all the heat to the exclusion of the rest of the household)
2. Do not place BKC where the temperature is extremely high or low. (This includes not letting them walk barefoot through the ice cream in the freezer -- this only seems to occur on extremely hot days in August -- or sleeping on heat registers during the winter.)
3. Do not place BKC where the degree of humidity is high. (BKC also appear to like saunas and will (again) hog all the available time in sauna. They will also run a shower until all the hot water is gone.)
4. Do not place BKC where there is a lot of dust. (BKC tend to hide from any calamities they have created by trying to fit under the sofa. Please insure that BKC will not be eaten by ferocious dust bunnies as their allergies will kick in and their sneezes have been known to frighten other household pets.)
5. Do not place BKC where it will be subject to vibration or shock. (This includes jumping out and trying to scare them as they have a tendency to emit a high-pitched girly scream (that they learned from Mulder) and attempt to hide under the sofa. Vibrating sexual appliances, on the other hand, are completely safe and highly recommended for BKC's enjoyment.)

Maintenance:
1. Use only a clean, dry soft cloth to clean BKC.
2. To prevent damage and/or discoloration, do not use chemical cleaning products that contain solvents such as alcohol, benzene or thinner.

Troubleshooting:
1. If you have any problems with your BKC, please feel free to contact us at 1-800-Rat-Hole

Copyright 1999 Rathole Productions
Rathole and Bunny Krycek Clones are registered trademarks of The Rathole Incorporated.
Copying or other reproduction of this document (or BKCs) is prohibited without the prior written permission of The Rathole Incorporated.