Title: Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash #36 - #40
Author: Lycanthrophile (lycanthrophile@imadethis.org) and KMS! (kmspider@aol.com)
Fandom: The X-Files
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Officially they belong to TenThirteen Productions and the Fox Network.
Rating: NC17 for male/male sex
Summary: These are the ongoing adventures of two chatroom admins and various and sundry residents. Names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.
Word Count: N/A
Archive: Please inform me


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 36
By lycanthrophile
lycanthrophile@imadethis.org

[Mistress-In-Training, realizing she's got a deadline coming up on her latest story. She drags her laptop into #the_rathole and clears a space on the coffee table to start working.]

"You boys play nice while I try to finish this story."

"No Mulder, you can't use my laptop to run the Project SETI screensaver. Besides, I thought you believed alien life was already here."

"No Alex, you can't use it to hack into Skinner's email and send love notes to the entire FBI."

"No Alex, you can't send flames out either."

"Mulder, wait until I'm done before you start trying to surf porn sites!"

"Don't pout, Mulder. I didn't say you couldn't. I just want to have this story done before I get distracted any more."

[The boys fall silent. Mistress-In-Training resumes her typing. She suddenly looks up.] "Where are the clones?"

"They're still cleaning up the mud that was tracked in here last week? What are they doing with it?"

"They're putting it in the bathtub? Whatever for?"

"Mudbaths? They're turning #the_rathole into a health spa? Who gave them that bright idea?"

"Well, yes Mulder, the Mistress and I were rather stressed getting ready for Easter."

"So you boys and the clones thought you'd show how much you appreciate your hard work by mudbaths followed by a body massage?"

[Mistress-In-Training shuts off her laptop.] "The story can wait. And afterwards, I'll make Muldercock (tm) cookies for everyone."

Welcome to the Rathole
Pull up a mudbath and relax.


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 37
By
KMS!
kmspider@aol.com

Mistress: I'm thinking that we could start a clone-sitting service for working mistresses.
Mistress-in-Training: oh yes, we do have to keep those clones out of trouble.
Mistress: Idle clones are not a good thing.
Mistress-in-Training: You should have seen the mess they made trying to make Muldercock (tm) cookies.
Mistress: Oh my... well, we may have to offer classes that teach the clones skills... like cleaning up!

ATTENTION working clone owners!!
Does your clone sit at home idle all day?
Does he shred your curtains out of boredom?
Has he shaved your cat and told you that the cat asked for a summer cut?
What your clone needs is something to do to fill those empty hours until you return home from work.
The Rathole is now offering a clone baby-sitting service.

For a minimal fee, we will fill your clones' hours, and teach him valuable skills.

Mistress-in-Training: And exactly who will do the clone sitting? I don't think we dare leave them alone with Mulder, and forget about Krycek.
Mistress: I was thinking that we could have each of the boys share duties, offering classes to the clones.
Mistress-in-Training: Lets see - what skills could Mulder teach them? Pouty lips 101? Basic Skinnerbaiting and Spendertaunting?
Mistress: Tantrum throwing for experts?
Mistress: Phys. Ed.?
Mistress: Swim classes.
Mistress: Running.
Mistress: Bouncing.
Mistress-in-Training: Yes... bouncing!
Mistress: Skinner can teach weight-lifting.
Mistress-in-Training: That's the other skill we can teach the clones! Eyelash batting!
Mistress: As if they need help!!
Mistress: Then again, I have seen a few of them getting their lashes tangled, so....
* Ferretboy enters the room.
Mistress-in-Training: Ferretboy, we're starting a babysitting service for clones during the summer.
Mistress: Does Jeff need a part time job?
Ferretboy: Oh my... and they're the babies for it all right.
Mistress: And what skills can he teach.
Mistress: Mulder's teaching: pouting 101, Skinnerbaiting, swimming, running, bouncing.
Ferretboy: Bouncing?
Mistress: It's a clone skill, Ferretboy.
* Ferretboy imagines just what Mulder is probably bouncing on.
Ferretboy: Ahhh clone bouncing, got it.
Mistress: Well, I should say, it's a rabbit clone skill.
Mistress: But Mulder plans on teaching then how to do it without getting hurt.
Mistress: Skinner is teaching weightlifting, writing, and how to make movies.
Mistress: Alex is teaching eyelash batting.
Mistress: Scully can train them on how to cut things up.
Mistress: And how to run in heels.
Mistress: Skinner can teach scowling.
Mistress: Ferretboy, what are Jeffrey's skills?
Ferretboy: Shredding.
Mistress: Hehehe.
Ferretboy: That boy'd put the dog through one of those things if I'd let him.
Mistress: Oh my, better hide the puppies.
Ferretboy: Annoying Mulder -- he's pretty good at that.
Ferretboy: Lusting after Krycek -- he does that a lot too.
Mistress-in-Training: That's an instinct, not a skill.
Ferretboy: Then there's that whole *other* array of....um... more personal skills.
Mistress: Hmmm.... And he's going to be teaching the Krycek bunny clones.... We may be asking for trouble... or an orgy.
Ferretboy: hehehehe.
Mistress-in-Training: Mistress, I'd say both.

Welcome to the Rathole
Sign-up sheets are near the door.


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 38
By lycanthrophile
lycanthrophile@imadethis.org

So tell me boys, how's the clone classes going?

Mulder ran out of lip gloss during Pouting 101? Oh no. I hope the bouncing class went better.

Alex, what do you mean you weren't sure what kind of bouncing you were supposed to teach the clones? What kind of bouncing did you teach them?

You did better not have taught them how to bounce checks buying expensive electronic surveillance equipment. I've already had to loan money to Josan because of what her clone did. We don't have that kind of cash to hand out to each clone owner. You were supposed to teach them *physical* bouncing, preferably when cats aren't around to cause tragic accidents.

Skinner's scriptwriting class went well? They all turned out scripts that are rated NC17 for homosexual content? Woo hoo! Let's start filming those right away!

Wait a minute, that's not was Jeffrey was using for his shredding course, was it? Good. I'm glad the boy has taste. What did he use?

Mulder's expense reports for the last seven years? Oh no! How's Mulder going to explain that to the auditors?

He's convinced that they were abducted by aliens in an ongoing conspiracy to make his life a living hell? You know, that's not to far off from the truth.

Five of them sprained their ankles in Scully's "How To Run In High Heels" class? I *told* the Mistress that we needed to have some of those alien healers on duty just in case of that. I hope our insurance covers it. It's a good thing we cancelled her "How To Perform An Autopsy" class. I'm afraid to think what would have happened with all those sharp objects.

So what's the next class?

How to make Muldercock (tm) cookies? That's the one I'm supposed to teach, right?

Okay, but let me lay out some ground rules first. No flour fights. No use of frosting as lubricant. At least, not until the cookies are done.


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 39
By
KMS!
kmspider@aol.com

"Mulder, it was really nice of Scully to come over and help you give the clones a class on Ballroom Dancing. My only complaint is that they all want to lead! I've had to bandage so many toes today that I'm thinking of becoming a podiatrist."

"At least the class that Skinner added seems to be very popular with the clone owners, though I don't know how wiping off fingerprints and cleaning up after bees would be a helpful trait. Hmmm. I don't *think* any of the owners are Consortium members..."

"Jeffrey, when you said you were going to offer a class in Vacuuming, I didn't think you meant teaching the clones how to keep suction... though it is a *very* popular class!"

"Alex! I want to know just who gave you permission to teach the KBCs the 'Hero verses the Evil Overlord' game! Man oh man, if the clone owners find out that you've been teaching them to make doomsday devices, you are a dead man!"

"Mulder, I thought you were teaching the clones to swim, not use the Slip and Slide. You should have made sure the grass didn't have any rocks there *before* you started."

"Well, let me look again. I don't think those stitches on your hinny will leave a scar. Lucky thing Scully was still here with her doctor's bag."

"And no more playing 'Stargate' and throwing the clones through the pool rings. It's taken me hours to calm them down."

"And who is going to clean up after Mistress-in-Training's Muldercock(tm) cookie class. Those clones have frosting in every crease and crevice they could find."

"Oh! That's why you were throwing them into the 'Stargate'? Now the pool is murky and full of flour and frosting."

"You boys will just have to clean it out... And no more chasing the clones around with the skimmer pole!"

Welcome to the Rathole


Keeping Your Boys On A Short Leash 40
by lycanthrophile
lycanthrophile@imadethis.org

"Hey! There's still flour and frosting in the swimming pool! Why haven't you boys cleaned it out like the Mistress told you to last week?"

"The KBCs kept pushing Mulder into the pool whenever he started cleaning it? Whatever for? Revenge for the pool skimmer incident?"

"Oh, so they could 'rescue' him and perform mouth-to-mouth. Yes, it's good for the clones to practice, but poor Mulder looks a bit waterlogged. And it's going to take forever to get all those cotton tails dry."

"So what is the next class?"

"Alex is going to teach them how to use that stiletto used to kill aliens? I'm not sure its wise to mix KBCs and sharp objects. What else you got?"

"Skinner is going to teach them how to hold down an enraged Mulder? That would be a useful skill, and an excuse for full body contact. Not that the KBCs need much of an excuse. Or even an enraged Mulder."

"Jeffrey will be on hand to massage any muscles pulled during the lessons? I'm sure he's just going to hate doing that. And after that?"

"Alex will teach them how to diffuse the doomsday devices they made in the 'Hero versus the Evil Overlord' game? You mean they're still live? When are they set to go off?"

Mistress-In-Training hears a loud bang coming from the front room. She rushes out there, trailed by KBCs and the boys to find another hole has been blown in the roof.

"Oh my god! How am I going to explain this to the Mistress?"

"No, Mulder. I think we're going to need a lot more than a can of Spackle to fix it."

Welcome to the Rathole!
Enjoy the new skylight!