Title: Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash #41 - #45
Author: Lycanthrophile (lycanthrophile@imadethis.org) and KMS!
(kmspider@aol.com)
Fandom: The X-Files
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Officially they belong to TenThirteen
Productions and the Fox Network.
Rating: NC17 for male/male sex
Summary: These are the ongoing adventures of two chatroom
admins and various and sundry residents. Names have been
changed to protect the (not so) innocent.
Word Count: N/A
Archive: Please inform me
Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 41
By
KMS!
kmspider@aol.com
Mistress-in-Training: Hi, Mistress.
Mistress: Hi. I told the boys, no more flour in the pool,
but did they listen? No. I'll have you know that all that
flour in the pool has turned it into paste.
Mistress-in-Training: Oh dear... and who's going to clean
it out?
Mistress: I'd make Mulder, but the KBCs hid all the
skimmers from him. Now I have a half dozen KBCs stuck like
flies to paper, feebly thrashing about.
Mistress-in-Training: How are we going to get them out?
Mistress: Well, you know how kids are... they tried eating
most of it.
Mistress-in-Training: Didn't anyone ever tell them that
they shouldn't eat paste?
Mistress: Like they ever listen to anyone.
Mistress-in-Training: Maybe we should keep them stuck. Can
get into less trouble that way.
Mistress: True.... Except for the one who just *had* to
hold the cat.... I've never seen a cat so pissed off in my
life.
Mistress-in-Training: The cat didn't claw the beauty, did
he?
Mistress: No, but the poor thing looks like a huge
hairball.... And the cat's not real pleased that he had to
get shaved.
Mistress-in-Training: Yikes - a fur transplant. I have
these visions of KBC's with shaved tails.
Mistress: Mulder is trying to tell them it's to help
streamline them for the swim meets, shaving all their body
hair.... which I'm sure Mulder will be having them do soon.
Tails and everything.
Mistress-in-Training: If he hasn't already. The boy's a
pervert, and Alex encourages it.
Mistress: They can't help themselves... it's just the way
they're drawn... written… er, built. One of the other KBCs
tried to get the paste off by rolling in the grass. Now he
looks like a furry version of the Jolly Green Giant.
Mistress-in-Training: Swamp thing!
Mistress: Only cuter. You know, I'm thinking of having
Skinner put in a garden for the summer.
Mistress-in-Training: More mud for the KBC's to play in.
[g]
Mistress: At least it will get them all out of the house
for a few hours. But then we'll have to contend with
sunburns.
Mistress-in-Training: And mud tracked all over the
livingroom, kitchen, and bedroom.
Mistress: We could let them build a treehouse.
Mistress-in-Training: Over where the WKBC's nested?
Mistress: Didn't they fly off for the winter?
Mistress-in-Training: You know, I'm not sure.
Mistress: We haven't seen them since Easter.
Mistress: Maybe they went to Fort Lauderdale for Easter and
decided to stay there.
Mistress-in-Training: I was thinking Acapulco myself.
Mistress: Ah... that sounds even better.
Mistress-in-Training: It's summer now, shouldn't they fly
back soon?
Mistress: Unless they've gotten a better offer.... You know
how Kryceks are.
Mistress-in-Training: That's true. But what would lure them
back? I promised them I wouldn't let Mulder trim their
wings.
Mistress: International Kryceks? The only thing that will
bring them home is the threat of oil aliens... You may have
to send out the Alien Bounty Hunter after them.
Mistress-in-Training: We have a Bounty Hunter? When did we
get him? Has he been morphing into that weird lamp I don't
remember buying to hide from me?
Mistress: That lamp that looks like a huge stupid cowboy
that Alex has draped all those cheap necklaces from Red
Lobster on? Probably.
Mistress-in-Training: Maybe one of us should 'accidentally'
tip it over to see if it breaks.
Mistress: If it says 'ouch', we have our boy.
Mistress-in-Training: LOL... Of course it could just be Odo
from the DS9 room.
Mistress: Those morphs are so hard to tell apart.
Mistress-in-Training: Yep. Except Odo isn't black, he's
more a reddish gold, right?
Mistress: Only in a liquid state.
Welcome to the Rathole
Best to watch what or *who* you're sitting on.
Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 42
By lycanthrophile
lycanthrophile@imadethis.org
"Now boys, I'm going to be gone next week. I want you all
to behave while I'm in Las Vegas."
"Mulder, you are only to call 911 in the event of a real
emergency. Being out of lube does not constitute an
emergency."
"Alex, I want to make sure the clones are groomed
regularly. I want to see clean, fluffy tails on the KBCs
when I return."
"No new holes in any of the walls. [Looks meaningfully at
the 'skylight' in the ceiling and the '"secret" tunnel to
the Ferretcage' behind the couch.] We already have more
than we need."
"Jeffrey, no trying to take over the Rathole while I'm
gone."
"I don't care if you only tried it once. That was one time
too many. And we've never tried to annex the Ferretcage.
[Pause] Don't even *think* about it Alex. I don't need any
more rooms to keep clean."
"Walter, I want you to take care of the yard. I know the
Mistress has talked to you about putting in a garden, so go
ahead and start that. But please try to keep the clones
inside. I don't want to deal with sunburned hineys when I
get back."
"The Mistress will stop by to make sure you have plenty of
Muldercock (tm) cookies. I don't want anyone else trying to
bake while I'm gone. Open flames and BKCs are not a good
mix."
"I think that's everything." [Mistress-In-Training tries to
pick up her suitcase by the big cowboy hat lamp that she
thought was on the other side of the room when she came in.
The suitcase doesn't budge. She notices the sides bulge in
a weird way.] "What the hell?"
[Mistress-In-Training unzips her suitcase and out spills a
Krycek Bunny Clone.] "Okay, who put him in there?"
"Mulder thought I could use him for good luck, since
rabbit's feet are lucky? He's a KBC, not a rabbit, and I
think a lot of footless rabbits would disagree with you,
Mulder."
"Anyway, what would I do with a KBC in Las Vegas?"
"I could bet him on the craps table and double my winnings?
Like we need more clones running around here!"
Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 43
By
KMS!
kmspider@aol.com
"All right, boys, front and center. You've got some
explaining to do."
"You want to tell me just what you were all doing in Las
Vegas with Mistress-in-Training?"
"No, Mulder, don't bother to deny it. Mistress-in-Training
has pictures of the entire bloody affair."
"See, here's one of the clones riding the roller coaster at
the New York, New York."
"Here's one of the KBCs at the Tournament of Kings in King
Arthur's Arena at the Excalibur, pretending to be Merlin
and one pretending to be the Black Knight."
"Here's one of Alex on the Hispaniola pirate ship in front
of Treasure Island fighting Mulder on the HSM Britania. And
sinking it!"
"And, Walter, isn't that you on the Mardi Gras float at the
Rio, tossing out beaded necklaces?"
"I thought so."
"Here's one of Jeffrey and two clones scaling up the Eiffel
Tower at the Paris. Though I must say... nice butt shot."
"And here's one of five clones at Caesar's pretending to be
the moving statues of Baccus and the gang. I'll have you
know that the statues are *usually* dressed!"
"What I want is an explanation, Mulder!"
"You all sneaked aboard Mistress-in-Training's flight? How?
Who paid for it?"
"You put it on the Bureau's credit card?"
"And Walter approved your expense account?!"
"Oh, Walter, I had such hopes for you." [Sigh]
"You got a discount because you let the KBCs pretend to be
stewardesses?"
"How did Mistress-in-Training not recognize them? Well,
yes, they probably did look really cute in those short blue
skirts. I guess that explains why she didn't recognize
them... they were dressed."
"But did you have to let them loose in the M&M store?
I've got pictures of two clones trying to roll Blue and
Yellow M&M in a downhill race. Poor things. 'All the
king's horses and all the king's men,' if you know what I
mean."
"I've got a letter here from the Las Vegas Chamber of
Commerce asking when the KBCs can return! It seems the
Disappearing Krycek Bunny Clones were sold out at every
show. Standing Room Only."
"And how did you talk the Lone Gunmen into putting together
a magic act call 'The Three Magicians'? And, yes, Scully
really does look pretty good in that showgirl outfit. They
must have gotten her drunk... again."
"This letter from the Mirage says that you have traumatized
the white tigers and now you're barred for life! You are
never to enter the establishment again, much less the tiger
cages."
"Not to mention the scraped knees I've had to put Band-Aids
on because they tried to play 'King of the Hill' on the
pyramid at the Luxor."
"Well, as long as you didn't let the clones gamble. I don't
think they're old enough to gamble."
[Mistress blinks in surprise as handfuls of silver dollar
casino coins are dumped onto her lap.]
"Please tell me that you won those."
Welcome to the Rathole.
Care to make a bet?
Keeping Your Boys On A Short Leash 44
by lycanthrophile
lycanthrophile@imadethis.org
"Okay boys, let's get ready for the Fourth of July picnic.
I don't want another fiasco like my vacation to Las Vegas
was. I don't know why you boys will behave for the Mistress
and act up whenever I'm left in charge."
"Alex, the condiments are meant for the hot dogs. I don't
care how delicious you think the clones look. Don't
encourage them to use the mustard as body paint."
"Mulder, be sure you bring along the bottle of 'Off.'
Remember how miserable the clones were when they got
mosquito bitten so badly. I didn't find it funny at all
when you substituted repellant for a bottle of 'On.'"
"Yes, Walter, I made a double batch of Muldercock (tm)
cookies to bring with us. I'm surprised that you're hungry
for sweets so soon after the big cake that was at Ursula
and Fan4Richie's bash for their favorite actor's birthday."
"Yes, Jeffrey, we're going to be watching some fireworks
tonight. No, fireworks up in the sky, not between the
sheets." [Pause] "Well, maybe later when we get back."
"Alex! Give me those unlit sparklers! Don't even think
about giving them to the KBCs. 'Safe and Sane Fireworks' my
ass. Whoever wrote that obviously hasn't met this bunch."
"Oh, that reminds me. I want each clone wearing earplugs
once we get home. I don't want to be woken up in the middle
of the night by all the KBCs trying to hide under my bed to
escape the fireworks's loud bangs."
Welcome to the Rathole
Happy Fourth of July
Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 45
By
KMS!
kmspider@aol.com
"Front and center, boys! No, no, not in a chorus line. I
don't care how popular you were in Vegas."
"By the way, anyone want to tell me who taught the KBCs how
to shoot crap's dice out of their asses?"
"Yes, Walter, I want to talk about the brush fire you
started on the Fourth of July. I thought I told you 'No
Rocket Launchers!!!' You boys flew off to Wyoming to get
illegal fireworks again, didn't you?"
"And whose idea was it to stick a sparkler in the ass of
each KBC? I've had to put ointment on every hinny that I've
seen today. And, yes, Jeffrey, I want to thank you for all
your help in volunteering to help administer the cream. I'm
sure it was appreciated, if those grins I saw mean
anything."
"The neighbors still aren't talking to us. They didn't
appreciate you boys going out and shooting off the rest of
your Ground Flowers and Smoke Bombs at two-thirty in the
morning. Next time please don't borrow any of those smoke
grenades from the Swat Team. I'm surprised the neighbors
didn't call the Fire Department out on you again. Though
you did make it up to the Firemen very nicely the first
time. They said they'd be willing to come over and hose you
down anytime. And, yes, Alex, you look really cute in that
yellow slicker and fireman's hat. I won't ask how you
talked that fireman out of it."
"I also want to know whose idea it was to have a Watermelon
Seed Spitting Contest. I've been digging seeds out of the
lawn furniture all week."
[Mistress sighs remembering having to put burn ointment on
several KBC fingers because they tried to snatch hot dogs
straight off the barbecue grill. Not to mention the Lorena
Bobbit Hot Dog Throwing Contest that they engaged in
afterwards.]
"At least the Water Balloon Toss went well. It's hard to
get mad when you don't wear any clothes to get wet. And,
Mulder, next time, you are not to fill your Water Balloon
up with orange juice and vodka and then empty it *before*
the toss by drinking it all."
"You know, it wasn't the fireworks that kept the KBCs up
all night. It was the 'Wizard of Oz' movie that they showed
on TNT the night before. Those darn Flying Monkeys scared
the crap out of the clones."
"Of course, it didn't help that Alex kept yelling 'I'm
melting' when he lost the Water Balloon Fight."
"It also didn't help that you spent the afternoon chasing
them and yelling 'I'll get you, my pretties', Mulder."
"Face it, safe and sane we are not!"
Welcome to the Rathole
