Title: Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash #6 - #10
Author: Lycanthrophile (lycanthrophile@imadethis.org) and KMS! (kmspider@aol.com)
Fandom: The X-Files
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Officially they belong to TenThirteen Productions and the Fox Network.
Rating: NC17 for male/male sex
Summary: These are the ongoing adventures of two chatroom admins and various and sundry residents. Names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.
Word Count: N/A
Archive: Please inform me


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 6
By
KMS!
kmspider@aol.com

A discussion in the Rathole quickly degenerates to its basic elements... a discussion of Nick Lea's ass...er... assets...

RRRattie3 When he pulls up his shirt, little round tummy. * RRattie2 gets the shakes.

RRattie2 Naked tummy!!

Chatter1 I *love* Nick's pudgy little tummy!! Sooooo cute! RRRattie3 Schweeeeeet round tummy...

Rattie1 I like guys with love handles too...

RRRattie3 Just right for raspberry blowing... * RRRattie3 confesses to a bit of a love handle thing. :)

RRattie2 The better to lay your head on, my dear. Chatter1 A nice round tush is good for razzberries too!

RRRattie3 Oh, and he has the round tushie! * RRRattie3 likes round guys...

Chatter1 Nice round apple-ass...

* RRattie2 swoons.

Mistress Plushie

Ferretboy Hmm? what? Zzzzzzz . . . ummm . . .

RRattie2 Poor Ferretboy...LOL

Chatter1 Wake up, Ferretboy!

RRRattie3 Ferretboy - NAKED Chris Owens!

RRattie2 That ought to do it!

RRRattie3 Naked Chris Owens doing jumping jacks. Mistress Doing that funny little hip twist so that all his parts wave enchantingly.

Ferretboy I find, for some reason lately, I'm drawn to tall lanky types, with dark, tightly curled hair and sharp features... and brown eyes. Have no idea where this comes from of course.

M-I-T Don't know anyone who looks like that, Ferretboy.

Ferretboy Naked CO????? What? Where? I don't... How? When? AAAAAAUUUUGGGHH!

RRattie2 Somebody catch Ferretboy! Call 911! Ferretboy *thud*

RRattie2 Oops, too late...

M-I-T I thought you were gonna catch him, Mistress.

* Mistress gets the smelling salts.

RRRattie3 Okay, I think that woke him up.

Ferretboy *whimper*

RRattie2 Whew, he's coming around.

RRRattie3 Nearly killed him!

* Mistress paints Ferretboy like a tiger while he's out and sticks him into the cage with the boys.

Ferretboy *sniff* *sniff* What's that smell? ...and who's cracking that whip?

* Mistress whistles innocently.

Ferretboy Ack...

* Ferretboy waggles his eyebrows and pulls curtain around inside of cage . . .

RRattie2 Whoa, I leave for just a minute and Ferretboy winds up in a cage.

Mistress Its okay, RR. He's not alone.

Chatter1 Chained!! Painted all stripey!

RRattie2 Ah-hah

Mistress Mulder and Alex and Jeffrey are in there, too.

RRattie2 Oh my god...What a group.

* Mistress doesn't know how Ferretboy is getting out of the cage.

M-I-T Talk about being 'man eater'.

* Mistress wonders if she can fit RR in the cage, too.

RRattie2 Oh yeah, I'll volunteer.

Mistress Just be careful, I hear Skinner is coming by later in his Safari Outfit and his Pith helmet.

RRattie2 Ooohhh...the Big Guy himself.

Chatter1 Not to mention a whip and a chair.

RRattie2 slips through the cage door, careful not to slam it on his tail.


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 7
(Another One-sided Conversation)
by lycanthrophile and KMS!
lycanthrophile@imadethis.org and kmspider@aol.com

Mistress-in-Training: Maybe we ought to lock them in the cage and let them fight it out?
Mistress : But who will have to clean up the blood? ME!
Mistress-in-Training : Well, you could always delegate it to the Mistress-in-Training, (hint hint).
Mistress: You looking for a position? I believe we have an opening....

[After removing RRattie2 and Ferretboy from the cage and sending them home in a cab, muttering 'drunken sots' the entire time, Mistress-In-Training bustles around the Chatroom, searching for the Muldercock (tm) cookie recipe and ignoring the giggles coming from the cage, where Mulder, Alex and Jeffrey are still playing 'Jeffrey in the Tiger's Den'.]

"Alex, I don't think 'Tyger, tyger, burning bright/fucking every thing in sight,' is what William Blake had in mind."

"No, Jeffrey, you don't have a tiger by the tail. First of all, despite how long it is, that's *not* Mulder's tail."

[The boys stop giggling and stare at the wall, eyes wide. Mistress-In-Training turns to see Skinner, dressed in a Pith helmet and Safari Outfit and knee-high leather boots, carrying an animal carrier, stepping through the hole in the wall.]

"Skinner? What are you doing out of the Office?"

"You're here to save me from the ferocious leopards? What leopards? They're supposed to be tigers."

[Mistress-In-Training squints into the cage]

"Well, yes. With all those hickeys, they do look more like leopards."

"But I don't need saving from them. They're already caged. See the lock?"

"So how are you planning to save me from those ferocious beasts?"

[Alex picks the lock when Mistress-in-Training turns away and the boys bound out of the cage.]

"Alex has a lockpick? But he's naked! Where did he hide... wait, I don't want to know."

"Mulder, stop rolling on the carpet! You're getting bodypaint in it. Scully just got those motorcycle tracks out of it!"

[Chatroom is filled with roars and growls of the newly released tigers.]

"I don't care if Alex is cracking the whip... and Alex, we went over this last time. Tigers can't use whips!"

"Skinner, see if you can round up the boys again. The guests will be here soon and I don't want them messing up the Chatroom."

[Mistress-in-Training watches as Skinner digs into his animal carrier and pulls something out. Skinner removes a small, fluffy, white bunny and places it next to a pit in the Rathole.]

"Bunnies? You're going to catch them with *bunnies*?

"For heaven's sakes, Walter. What the heck is the pit for?"

[Mistress-in-Training watches as Skinner places a mat of sticks and leaves over the pit to hide it.]

"Wasn't the hole in the wall enough?"

"Walter, what happens when someone steps on that!?"

[Mistress-in-Training watches as Mulder reaches for a bunny and stumbles into the pit, letting out a high-pitched girly scream in the process.]

"Is he okay, Walter?"

"Tell me those leaves aren't poison ivy."

"Well, he does look kind of happy down there. Awww, look. He's snuggling with the bunny."

[Mistress-in-Training watches Skinner use another bunny as bait.]

[At the mention of the word 'snuggling', Krycek peers down jealously. Jeffry 'accidentally' bumps into him and pushes Alex into the pit. Alex grabs Jeffrey and pulls him into the pit behind him.]

"Nice job, Walter. Jeffrey went down without a peep, but Alex doesn't look happy."

[Mistress-in-Training looks into the pit of snugglebunnies.]

[Mistress-in-Training watches Skinner pull out yet another bunny.]

"Just how many of those did you bring? And who's supposed to clean up after them?"

[Mistress-in-Training watches as the bunnies get more aggressive in their search for attention.]

"Hey, watch what you're nibbling, Bugs!"

"Walter. Walter! Put them back in. They are getting out of hand!"

[Mistress-in-Training watches as her 'tigers' are overrun with bunnies.]

"My god, Walter. Just how many rabbits did you bring? They're multiplying!!!!"

[Mistress-in-Training watches the 'tigers' scream in terror and scramble back into their cage, baring the door from bunny entry.]

"Walter, please say those bunnies are all the same sex..."

[Mistress-in-Training dives into the cage after the tigers and closes the doors after her.]

"Walter, shouldn't you be inside with us, where it's safer?"

[Mistress-in-Training watches the 'tigers' cling to each other for safety, despite Alex doing a bit of surreptitious grouping.]

"Well, relatively safer."

[Mistress-in-Training watches Skinner leap to the top of the cage and take a ferocious stance, hands on his hips, chest thrust out in a manly way, then shoots a glare as the bunnies nibbling at the fingers and toes of the caged, squealing tigers.]

"Walter, use the whip! Use the whip!"

"What do you mean you left it on the chair?"

[Mistress-in-Training wails as the Rathole is completely overrun with fluffy, white bunnies.]

[Mistress-in-Training puts up a sign on the cage that reads....]

"Welcome to the Rathole.
Beware the Bunnies."


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 8
By
KMS!
kmspider@aol.com

* Ferretboy rolls across the floor locked in mortal combat with a little fluffy bunny.

* Mistress wonders if the rabbit is winning.

[RRRat3 ----- "Rabbit with nasty big pointy teeth."

* Mistress mutters 'Its just a little white bunny' in her worst Monty Python impression.

* Ferretboy flees across room, pursued by a pack of surly rabbits.

* Mistress watches as a rabbit nibbles at Mulder's toes and runs away when Alex growls at it.

* Mistress covers her ears as Alex's growl scares Mulder and he emits a girly scream.

* Ferretboy notes that that was Krycek's tummy making that sound.

[Mistress sees that Mulder realizes it too and grins sheepishly before laying his head on Alex's tummy and using it like a plushy pillow.

[Mistress-in-Training ----- "Mistress, I thought you were going to be in charge of feeding the boys."

[Mistress ----- "The Mistress-in-Training was *supposed* to make cookies."

[Ferretboy ----- "Jeffrey ate all the cookies, he's attracted by that shape for some reason.."

[Mistress-in-Training ----- "I was looking for the recipe when the bunnies broke loose... remember?

[Mistress ----- "The recipe is taped to the fridge.... it would be that white card that the rabbits are eating."

* Mistress looks through her cookbook for a good recipe for Hossenfeffer.

[Mistress ----- "Yum Cha.... Is that glazed rabbit bits?

[Mistress ----- "Candied rabbit ears? Roasted rabbit tails?

* Mistress thumbs thoughtfully through her cookbook.

[Mistress ----- "Chicken fried rabbits feet."

[Mistress ----- "Sauteed rabbit toes."

* Ferretboy holds his fingers over his mouth, trying not to be sick.

* Ferretboy turns green and swoons.

* Mistress watches Ferretboy's prone body is overrun by rabbits and tigers.

[Ferretboy ---- :::sniffle:::

* Mistress notices that the rabbit tails are tickling Ferretboy's nose.

* Mistress waves smelling salts at Ferretboy hoping to bring him around.

[Mistress-in-Training ----- "Mistress, you're doing it all wrong... If you want to get Ferretboy's attention, you do it like this...."

* Mistress-in-Training clears her throat.... "Isn't that a Naked Chris Owens?"

[Ferretboy ----- "Hello? what? where? huh?"

[Chatter2 -----"LOL, great idea."

[Mistress-in-Training ----- "See?

* Ferretboy rattles the cage bars desperately, as large whimpering sounds fill the Chatroom.

* Chatter2 pats the cage gently. "Shhh, you'll wake the boys."

* Ferretboy briefly considers kicking the boys out of sheer spite before dissolving into a sobbing heap.

[Mistress-in-Training ----- "Sorry Ferretboy, the bunnies made me do it." [g]

* Chatter1 sniffs and holds back sympathetic tears.

* Chatter2 hands Chatter1 a hanky. "I think you just might need it."

[Mistress ------"Just grab a rabbit to wipe those tears, Ferretboy."

* Chatter2 sits in front of the cage and observes intently.

[Mistress-in-Training -----"We've got more than enough rabbits to spare..."

* RRRat3 pats Chatter1's quills and makes soothing noises.

* Chatter1 dries her eyes and makes purring noises.

* Mistress watches a tear drenched rabbit hop away from Ferretboy.

* Chatter1 finds a soft clean towel and gently dries the poor damp bunny.

* Mistress covers her ears again as Mulder and Alex squeal in terror of the damp bunnies.

[RRRat3 ----- "Just gonna grab some lunch, back soon!

*** RRRat3 is now known as RRRat3LUNCH.

[Chatter1 ----- "OhmiGawd!!! Somebody ate RRRat3!!! RRRat3LUNCH??

* Mistress watches bunnies leaping about the room.

[Mistress-in-Training ----- "The bunnies got to RRRat3!"

[Mistress ----- "Poor RRRat3.... We shall mourn our loss."

[Chatter1 ----- "Oh, sure -- blame it on the rabbits!

[Mistress-in-Training ----- "Vicious critters, aren't they?

[Ferretboy ----- "Yes, they are, I'd best go hide in the cage for a couple hours."

[Mistress ----- "Hey... that's not hiding!!!!"

[Mistress ----- "Ferretboy? Ferretboy!! Take your hands off those tigers!!

[Mistress-in-Training ----- "Sure, Ferretboy, go 'hide' with Jeffrey...."

* Mistress gets out her camera.

[Chatter1 ----- "Make it the digital camera, Mistress. That way we can have blackmail material out on the net immediately."

* Mistress wiggles her eyebrows at Ferretboy in a very bunny-like fashion... "Blackmail? More like 'I'm gonna make you famous.'"

[Ferretboy ----- "Blackmail? You can't blackmail me. I've got no shame."

[Ferretboy ----- "I keep it on the shelf next to my 'morals'."

* Mistress examines the items on Ferretboy's shelves. [Mistress ----- "Hey, isn't that your 'restraint' sitting next to the 'shame' and 'morals'."

* Chatter2 picks up the contents and juggles them around. "Wow, you got tons of stuff here!" [g]

[Ferretboy ----- "Yeah, careful... That's my 'conscience'."

* Mistress watches the bunnies trip up Chatter2 and make her spill out the contents of the 'conscience' jar."

[Mistress ----- "Oops."

[Chatter1 ----- "Oh, yeah, I recognize him -- the little guy with the pitchfork who usually sits on your shoulder...."

* Ferretboy sighs and listens to little guy with horns natter in his ear . . . he's got a long list.

* Mistress glances at Mulder and Alex and Jeffrey, wondering if she can disguise them as bunnies and sneak them by the killer rabbits.

[Mistress-in-Training ----- "Would never work, Mistress... Alex would insist on fluffing Mulder and Jeffrey's cottontail."

[Mistress ----- "Then we'd never get out of here..." [sigh]

[Chatter2 ----- "Now would that be the tail in front or in the back? [g]


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 9
by
lycanthrophile
lycanthrophile@imadethis.org

[Mistress-In-Training turns from the oven, a tray of Muldercock(tm) cookies in her arms. She maneuvers around the multitude of fluffy bunnies and puts the tray down on the counter. She smacks Alex's hand with a wooden spoon as he tries to steal one of the cookies.]

"Wait a few minutes, Alex, until they cool down. Why don't you entertain yourself with the real thing?"

[A bright light flares.]

[Mistress-In-Training blinks rapidly and then turns around to find the tray of cookies is now empty.] "Okay, which of you two ate the cookies?"

"Aliens did? And why would aliens want to eat our Muldercock(tm) cookies?"

"They were hungry after capturing all the bunnies?"

"Well, yes, all the bunnies have disappeared, but what makes you think that they were abducted by aliens?"

[Mistress-In-Training looks at the shivering, oil-covered bunny the boys are pointing at.]

"You're sure that bunny just didn't hop into the AD's Office, roll in a oil spill underneath the motorcycle, and hop back here?"

"Mulder! I do not sound just like Scully!"

"Okay, I do sound like Scully. But what would aliens want the bunnies for?"

"They're trying to come up with an alien/bunny hybrid? Whatever for?"

"Mulder, I'm supposed to believe that Bugs Bunny is the first of the crossbreeds? And what are you doing to Alex?"

"I don't think aliens would put implants there, Mulder. Besides, shouldn't you be searching with your fingers?"


Keeping Your Boys on a Short Leash 10
By
KMS!
kmspider@aol.com

"Mulder, what do you mean that it wasn't aliens that abducted the bunnies? It was witches? And you have proof that they cast a spell?"

"Well, yes, despite your deep probing of Alex, I'm not surprised that you didn't discover any implants. At least not *there* anyway. Besides, you should know better than anyone that an absence of evidence is not proof."

"Alex! Stop yelling 'Burn the Witch' every time Scully walks into the room."

"It is *not* her fault that Mulder stands to attention every time she comes in. He does it when Skinner walks in, too. And Jeffrey. And anyone who crosses the threshold. All they need is a pulse."

[Mistress mutters to herself, 'Except for that vampire chick in Season 2. I'm not so sure that she had a pulse.']

"Anyway, it's not magic. Not at all. Mulder's just a slut. Everybody knows that."

"Yes, dear, I do believe that is why you love him." "So, Mulder, what is your proof?"

"The missing Muldercock(tm) cookies? How are missing cookies proof of witches?"

"Yes, we all know it's getting close to Halloween. You mean the witches took them for 'Trick or Treat?"

"What about the bunny in the corner? Why was he covered in oil?" "So I was right? He was hiding under the motorcycle in the AD's Office? How did you find out? You followed the oily footprints?"

"Told ya so."

"Mulder, why are you wearing that big, pink bunny costume?" "You're going under cover? Trying to fool the witches? Even if there were witches (which you haven't proven yet), they would never be fooled by that costume. And since when do bunnies wear spiked collars? And the leash that is attached to Alex's hand?"

"Alex? Alex, stop fluffing his tail! And get that carrot away from his ass!"

"Alex, when they talk about a witch's familiar, I don't think they mean for you to get that *familiar* with the bunny."

"Mulder, must you hop around the chat room?" "You're getting into character? Can you do that little wiggle again?" "I meant your nose! Wiggle your nose!"

"Forget it, Mulder. It's actually kind of scary when you wiggle your nose. It just doesn't have that... uh, *pink* quality."

"Well, yes. *That* does have a pink quality. But I don't think I've ever seen a bunny waving a 'carrot' quite like that!"

[Mistress turns away to retrieve a hot tray of Muldercock(tm) cookies. When she turns back, Mulder is missing.]

"Alex, where is Mulder?"

"He fell down the rabbit hole?"

[Mistress peers over the side of a gaping hole in the floor.] "I thought that was the pit that Skinner dug to catch the tigers." "Oh, dear. I think you're right. I don't think it was quite that deep before."

"Alex? You're going to go down there? Are you sure?" "Okay, Indiana Krycek. But shouldn't you put some clothes on first? Just a whip isn't much protection."

[Mistress watches as Jeffrey appears carrying two worn and battered Fedora hats and hands one to Alex. Mistress shakes her head, a worried frown on her face as she watches them drop into the rabbit hole, one after the other.]

Mistress hangs a sign on the chat room door:

Welcome to the Rathole,
Watch your step