Chapter One Hundred Seventeen Bryn couldn't believe how nervous she was to be meeting a total stranger. In the long run, this woman would have no real lasting effect on her life. At least not that could be measured now. But although Bryn didn't remember her, she'd had an enormous effect on her previous life. They were driving to see Alexandra's daughter. Mack's mother. The product of her affair, seventy years ago, that had ended her marriage to Anton. It wouldn't be a simple visit for any of them. In fact, Mack still didn't know who Bryn really was to him. Tugging her coat tighter around her and once again turning up the heat in the car, Bryn glanced behind Anton to see what Max was doing. Innocently cooing, Max reached out for Petunia, who licked his little hand. Anton looked outwardly calm as he drove, but his white knuckles gripping the steering wheel betrayed him. He had been surprised when Mack had called, announcing that his mother was in town. His friend wanted to know if he was interested in meeting her. And Anton was. He was curious if she looked like Alexandra, or how much of his secretary Richard was in her. He glanced over at Bryn, who was watching Max and Petunia. He wondered what her reaction would be since the woman would have been her daughter in a previous life. "Are you as nervous as I am, my dear?" She looked up at him and started to answer, but her mouth was dry. Swallowing, she tried again. "Yes. In fact, I'm debating whether or not I should ask you to turn around and go home." Bryn gave him a small smile but it didn't last long. "I get really cold whenever I'm nervous. I can't feel my toes right now. Guess wearing these boots didn't help either. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to wear a dress or slacks or...whatever. I mean, it's not like she's going to judge me on my outfit. She's not even going to believe me, anyway. Maybe this is a bad idea. We should just go home." "We can, my dear. In fact, I'm strongly considering it myself." Anton reached over and grabbed one of her hands, trying to warm it in his. "I'm not sure about how to handle this. I never expected to meet Chloe." The daughter who was proof of Alexandra's infidelity. With a deep sigh, he pulled up to the driveway by the road that lead to the stables and the house. "Last chance, Bryn. Do we, or don't we?" She held his gaze, wrapping herself up in the warm chocolate color. "Anton, I don't really remember her. This is only going to make me uncomfortable at the most. But it will bring up a lot of memories for you. Very painful stuff that you probably don't want to deal with. So if anyone has the right to back out, it's you." Anton sighed staring straight ahead. "Let's do this, Bryn. Because if I don't, I'm always going to wonder about her." He pulled the car into the driveway. If he did back out, he would be wondering what she was like. How much she looked like her mother. "I'm worried about what her health state is. Mack said she was still able to live on her own, but that he asked her neighbor to check on her every night. She might not be mentally stable." Glancing back at Max, she added, "I wonder if bringing him along was such a good idea. I don't know that any of this is such a good idea." As Anton pulled the car to a stop in front of the house, Bryn groaned, "Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick." "Well, let's hurry up and get you to the bathroom." "No, not that. It's just nerves." She squirmed in her seat as he turned off the engine. "Maybe Mack will have some tea or something." "I'm sure he'll have something." That reminded Anton that they hadn't told Mack the good news yet. Something they could use as a light hearted distraction if things proved to get emotionally heavy. Anton got out of the car and hustled around to the other side to help Bryn out. He also got Max out of his car seat and handed him to Bryn. He clipped a leash onto Petunia noticing there were fewer dogs milling around. "Ready for this, Bryn?" "What do you think?" She made a face, but hitched Max higher on her hip and grabbed Anton's hand. "Let's go." Max squealed when the strange dogs came over and started sniffing him, torn between horror and fascination. Gripping his Mommy's coat, he tried to pull himself up higher. Bryn let go of Anton for a moment to lift him against her chest. "It's okay, sweet pea. They won't eat you." Following Anton up the porch stair, once again regretting her boots, Bryn waited patiently as he knocked on the door. They shared another look of nervousness and squeezed each other's hands. It took a minute or two for Mack to answer the door. He grinned when he saw them standing there. "Just in time. Come in, we're going through pictures." "Great." Anton followed Mack in, holding the door for Bryn. He followed Mack to the kitchen first, holding Petunia's leash tightly. Although they could let their dog roam outside with the others, they thought it better that she remain in the house, but not under foot. Once she was fed and given a bowl of water, Anton turned to Mack. "So how's your mother doing?" "Good," he said, looking better than usual himself. He'd showered and freshly shaved, his hair still longer but obviously recently cut. It had to be Chloe's influence. Since Chandra had left, Mack's appearance had left a lot to be desired. "She gets tired a lot easier, and uses a cane when she's been walking a lot, but manages to get around okay. If you ask me, she looks about a hundred percent better now that Dad's gone." Mack held Anton's gaze. "What about you? Are you sure you want to do this? I told her you might stop by but I left it open in case you decide to back out." "No, Mack. I think I need to do this. Get some closure on the situation." He pulled Bryn and Max a little closer. Since Mack didn't know, he didn't say that he was a little concerned as to how Bryn would react. It would be awkward to explain why she was regressing spontaneously to Alexandra. It was awkward enough that Chloe knew that he was a vampire. "Let's get this started." "Okay. Come on in the living room," Mack said, leading the way. Grabbing Anton's arm and staying a little behind him, Bryn followed them in to the other room. She stopped when they did, but couldn't see anything past the two tall men. But she felt Anton stiffen slightly. And she heard Mack say, "Mom...our guests are here." Suddenly Mack moved to the side and Bryn saw her. Small and pale, with hair that was probably once a lustrous mahogany, Chloe Hewitt looked a bit like a porcelain doll. Her hair was gathered at the back and just touched her shoulders in thick ringlets. She wore a white blouse with a lace collar and a crocheted blue sweater. The only thing that offset the picture was her very ordinary blue jeans. Mack handed his mother her glasses, which she perched on her nose. They made her look a little like a quirky librarian. "So this is my mama's Anton," she said, quietly, studying from behind the tortoise-shell frames. "You could've walked right out of the picture." Anton gave her a slight smile. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Hewitt" "Please, call me Chloe." "Chloe, then." Anton's eyes kept sweeping over her, seeing so much of Alexandra. The same heart shaped face, the same curls in her hair, the same doe brown eyes. Her nose and the set of her ears were her father's though, he thought as he sat down on the love seat near the couch where Chloe was. He squeezed Bryn's hand tightly. "This is my wife Sabryn, and our son Max," he said as an introduction. "Very nice to meet you," Chloe said, making eye contact, but her gaze couldn't stay on Bryn for long. She went back to staring at Anton almost immediately. "Likewise," Bryn said. The woman seemed to be memorizing his face. Noticing his discomfort, she gently placed her hand on his arm. But even her hand moved as if to discover his shape. "Forgive me for staring. I never thought I would meet a true vampire. My mother always taught me to believe, but I'm not sure I actually did until now. I used to look at your picture all the time. Mama never took it down." "She didn't?" He knew the picture she was referring to. It was one taken outside a speakeasy in New York where they had met, shortly after they were married. "I wish things had been different between your mother and I. Did she talk about what happened between us?" "Some," she said, squeezing his arm. "Enough to know you were her husband, and I'm not your daughter. I feel as if I should apologize for that, but I won't. I never met my own father and did not care to. You were the only one my mother ever talked about," she said, smiling. "It may not have been real, but I felt as if you were my father." Anton shook his head, feeling a knife twist in his side. "You deserved one better. I should have tried harder to find you and your mother." He had to tread carefully. Mack wasn't aware that Anton had killed his grandfather, and he wasn't certain that Chloe would take the news well either. Chloe shook her head. "You did what was best. Michael's father cheated early in our marriage and I forgave him. But I was never able to forget it. Our relationship was never the same." She took a deep breath. "Mother was able to recover from what happened and she took very good care of me. She spent every moment making me feel special. I never missed having a father in my life because she made sure there wasn't a void. I hope you were able to move on, as well." Anton nodded, tears showing in the corner of his eyes. He squeezed Bryn's hand tighter. "It took a while, but I eventually did." He looked over her again, still amazed at how much of Alexandra he could see in her. And curious about the life that she and her mother had shared. "Where did you grow up? We lived in New York for most of our married life together." "Philadelphia," she said, making Bryn perk up. "My mother had a great aunt who needed caring for. I was five years old when she died, and she left mother the house. It turned out to be more work than it was worth, but I think Mother secretly enjoyed it. I can still remember her in tattered jeans with a scarf around her hair, cursing as she cleaned out the gutters. The neighbors were horrified." Chloe grinned. "She didn't much care what the others thought of her. They were already scandalized by her lack of a husband. Her smoking and cursing were the least of their concerns." Anton grinned at the image as well. Although in his last memory of her, she had been afraid of his anger (something he felt ashamed of) this sounded much like the spirited woman he had fallen in love with. "Is there anything you would like to know, Chloe? Anything I can help you understand?" "It may not be something you can answer. I never understood why my mother would have an affair when it was obvious she loved you so much." She dipped her chin slightly. "She told me my father was in your employment, and that he had been a handsome man, but she said he never truly loved her. And she never truly loved him. Why would she do such a thing to the man she loved?" "She was hurting," Anton said after a moment's thought. "And I was too blind to see it. There were things she wanted, needed, that I couldn't give to her. Things she told me at first that she could live without, and I took her words at face value. Things that at the time I thought he could give her. And that is why I let her go, although with all my heart I wanted her to stay, though I was too prideful to admit it. And that was my folly, for not only did I lose your mother, but I lost a chance to know you as well." She nodded. "She lied to you. I suspected as much." Sliding her hand down to his hand, she squeezed it. "My mother never forgave herself for what happened, if that is any consolation to you. She loved you for the rest of her life. And I would have liked to know you. Maybe this is our second chance." "Yes, it is," he said gently squeezing hers in return. Anton didn't say that he already knew that from Sabryn. He didn't know if she wanted either of them to be aware that she had access to Alexandra's memories. "I have a lot of time to make up for, Chloe, if you will let me." The elderly woman smiled again, looking much younger now as if a weight had lifted. "Of course." Still holding his hand, she scooted over on the couch and gestured to the spot she'd vacated. "Please, sit with me. I was just showing my Michael some old pictures I found. I wouldn't mind going through the early ones again with you." "Okay." Letting go of Bryn's hand but looking at her to let her know she hadn't been forgotten, Anton moved over to the spot that Chloe had just emptied for him. He took the first picture and looked at it. Before long, both he and Chloe were sharing memories from a time gone by. She hadn't told Chloe she was her mother. After listening to her story and her disappointment with Alexandra's behavior, it didn't seem right to reopen old wounds. Besides, Anton was dealing with enough already. By the end, he was finally becoming comfortable in Chloe's presence. Yet even though Mack invited them to go out to dinner with them, it hadn't seemed right to intrude. They stopped on the way home at McDonalds instead, choosing to sit in the car and eat. Bryn had her chair tilted back to feed Max soft pieces of her hamburger bun and fries. The cheeseburgers were better than usual, and she wasn't sure if it was hunger or her nerves finally settling. After taking a drink of her triple-thick chocolate shake, she met Anton's gaze. "You looked like you finally enjoyed yourself after a while." "I was, once I got past some of the guilt." He hadn't allowed himself to think of what happened to Alexandra after he killed Richard that often. And almost certainly never of the child born to that union. There were a lot of feelings bubbling up through his psyche, feelings that he was still trying to identify, and would talk about only when he was ready. "How about you, my dear? It mustn't have been easy for you to listen as we spoke." "I felt her...Alexandra, trying to come through and speak to her. I couldn't listen to very much of what she said, but from what I did hear I didn't think it was right to reveal myself. Chloe has moved on and resolved her feelings since her mother's death. She doesn't need to open that wound again." She stared down at her shake, suddenly mesmerized by the swirl of brown and white. "I almost gave her up," she said, quietly. "I was going to put her up for adoption and come back to you...to beg you to take me back. I was so convinced you would hate her. Because I did, too." Shamed, she squeezed her eyes shut. "She was everything that went wrong and I didn't want her. I despised her until the moment she was born. And then...I saw her, and everything changed. She was so helpless and innocent. She looked like a little angel. Even though she was Richard's, I loved her with everything I had. I couldn't give her up, so I gave up on you instead." "My sweetheart," Anton said softly at the pain in Bryn's...no Alexandra's voice. He shifted in the seat so he could put his arms around her, resting the bridge of his nose against her head. "If I had been a better man then, I wouldn't have let you leave I should have searched for you. And I would have loved her, because she was a part of you." Only now was he understanding what Ivan must have gone through every time the vampire looked at him. The man he called father had learned to love the boy that was the product of his wife's sin. "I should have tried then. I'm so sorry." She didn't cry, although it seemed like she should have. Setting down her shake, she curled her fingers in his shirt and held on to him. It felt like Alexandra and Bryn were fighting for control of one body, and Bryn was winning. She pushed the sadness away, refusing to blame Anton for what had happened. "It's over," she said. "You don't need to be sorry. Everything turned out fine." He held on to her for a few minutes, and then sat up with a sigh. Anton kissed her forehead. "Thank you for understanding, Bryn." His eyes went to Max. "Sometimes I wonder though..." "Wonder what, Sugar?" "Ivan and I had a similar situation, but handled it differently. I know, I know, it was different times and expectations for the both of us. But still, I can't help but wonder if I should have tried to take care of Chloe as if she were my own. Father did." "You're not Ivan. You don't think the same way he did. He was lonely and falling in love with his wife. He was an outcast, feared by everyone, and couldn't chance losing what little respect he had. He made the decision that was right for him at the time. And so did you. You can't compare yourself to him. They were very different circumstances." She took a bite of her cheeseburger, chewed and swallowed. "Besides, you never actually told her to leave. You never said the words." "I didn't have to. I frightened her away." He looked down at his lap, ashamed. "I lost my temper, and let her see my inhuman face. Not like the time when we met, but much, much angrier. I never would have hurt her. I was just..." Bryn reached over and slid her hand behind his neck, encouraging him closer, pressing her forehead to his. "It's okay. I know that."