Chapter One Hundred Sixty-four She was more than a little nervous as she sat down across from Mulder, tightly grasping Anton's hand. Instead of calling it a therapy session, she'd asked the new vampire if she could talk to him about his FBI work. Always happy to talk about it, he'd readily agreed...even if he was a bit in the dark as to her reasoning. "So, Bryn. What did you want to know?" "Um...you already know that I was abducted too. And that it only happened once, but that it made me able to get pregnant with Anton when I shouldn't have." "Right." "I--I wanted to know about your partner. Agent Scully. You told me that she wasn't supposed to be able to have children. But she did anyway." When he nodded, she continued. "Do you think the aliens...changed her. Do you think she was part alien?" Mulder blinked, not quite certain where this was coming from. "I knew they had put a tracking device in her, and they had taken samples from her for experimentation. But I didn't think that she was turned into a hybrid." "A tracking device?" She glanced at Anton nervously. "Where would they put that?" "Back of the neck," Mulder said, tapping the back of his neck roughly where Scully's scar was. Anton leaned over to brush her hair away from the nape of her neck. "I don't see anything, Bryn." "We should have you x-rayed to double check. You're lucky. Women who had their chip removed went on to develop inoperable brain cancer. I doubt you'll have to worry about that." She gave Anton another nervous glance at that revelation. "And what about your son? Is he healthy?" "Yes, he is. In fact, for a while, he had shown some unusual abilities." "Like my son's immunity to light?" Anton asked quietly. "Yes, something similar," Mulder said. "Bryn, why are you asking about this?" She was a bit ashamed to say it. "I had a bad dream. And in the dream, I was an alien. I just...I'm scared to find out it's true." Anton put a comforting hand on her shoulder, squeezing it lightly. Mulder nodded thoughtfully. "I see," he said. "And what would that change about you?" "A lot of things. I would be something that I hate...something that made my entire life up until now a living hell. They may have given me my children, but they owed me that much after the things they did." "And what if they didn't turn you into one of them? What if you are completely human?" "Then hopefully that's the end of it. If I don't have a tracking device in me, I pray they can never find me or my children. That they can never hurt us again." She squeezed Anton's hand tighter. "Was Agent Scully abducted more than once?" "Only once. But she was a special case. She was missing for several months." Mulder studied her carefully. "Would you like to have a DNA test performed? Find out one way or another?" Bryn nodded, her eyes watering a bit. "Yes...but Dr. Anne once told me there was nothing wrong with me. It was just our kids that had...strange blood." "With all due respect to Jess' sister-in-law, I'd like those tests rerun. She was possibly looking for one thing, and missed something else." Mulder looked at Anton curiously. "Did you ever notice a difference in the taste of her blood?" Anton frowned and thought about it before shaking his head. "Most aliens have blood that is toxic to humans," Mulder continued "If you were truly a hybrid, I think that Anton would be able to taste something different in your blood." She closed her eyes briefly, looking miserable. "I know I should be grateful that me and the kids are immune to sunlight, and that my children exist at all...but this terrifies me. I don't need another reason for my mother to hate me." Anton gently squeezed her hand. Mulder, on the other hand, tilted his head at Bryn. "And why would your mother hate you?" She sucked in a shuddering breath. "She's always believed I lied about what happened to me. You heard her. You were there when she said it. She didn't want to believe in aliens. Could you imagine what she'd do if I were one?" "Bryn, that's just it. I don't think you are one." Mulder held up a hand to forestall any protests. "In all the research I did on the X-Files, I never came across a case where a human was hybridized directly. Sperm, eggs altered, yes. Cells cloned and fused with something else, yes. But to take a distinct individual and fuse their DNA? Like a werewolf's or a vampire's bite? No." "But...our children. Anton is supposed to be sterile. If it was something simple like that, wouldn't he have the be the one whose sperm was altered? Not my eggs?" "Not necessarily, Bryn." Mulder leaned forward as he tried to explain. "Have you heard of a medical condition called chimerism?" Anton's brow furrowed. "Isn't that where a person could have two distinct sets of DNA?" He shrugged when Mulder looked at him in surprise. "I watch the Discovery Channel a lot." Mulder nodded. "I think that may be what is happening here, Bryn. You as a whole weren't altered, but parts of you." "And that wouldn't make you an alien any more than it makes those glow in the dark pigs with jellyfish DNA in them have to breathe water," Anton added. Again Mulder's eyebrows rose. "Discovery Channel again?" "No, the Learning Channel website." Bryn glanced at him, dryly. "So that's what you really do in that office of yours." Shaking her head, she looked to Mulder again. "Wouldn't that make me some kind of mutation? Wouldn't you be able to see that, in my face or body?" "Not necessarily," Mulder explained. "There is a well known case of a woman who is a chimera giving birth to children who did not appear to be genetically related to her. It turns out that her reproductive tract has a completely independent set of DNA from the rest of her body. That could be what is going on here. The only reason it was discovered was when maternity tests were run on the children for welfare." Bryn wrinkled her nose. It still sounded like some kind of weird mutation to her. She wasn't so sure she wanted to have a dead twin's reproductive organs. "What does having some dead twin's uterus have to do with aliens?" "No, Bryn," Mulder said as he shook his head. "That was all that was changed. All they did was fine tune your reproductive system. Possibly so that you could be used to carry their fetuses. But whatever they did also made it possible for Anton to impregnate you." "Oh." She finally understood. It still meant that the children had the possibility of being a bit alien, though. "You said aliens have toxic blood. Wouldn't our children have it, too?" "I'm not sure why they don't," Mulder said. "Unless for some reason a vampire's traits are dominant over an aliens. But I haven't seen them show any other abilities that a hybrid has, and seen some that hybrid's don't." Bryn let out a sigh, leaning against Anton a bit more. "Is there anything you'd like to ask him, sugar?" Anton had been quietly absorbing what Mulder had to say. "I'm not sure to think. Is there any way we can find out what happened, one way or the other?" Mulder shook his head. "We have to come to terms with the fact that we may never know everything that happened that night Sabryn went missing." Bryn was going to suggest some sort of hypnotic regression, but she wasn't so sure she wanted to put herself through that. She supposed she should have considered herself lucky--some people, like Mulder's sister, never came back at all. "I wish there was more that my brother or even my mother knew. Something they might have forgotten. But neither one of them has ever mentioned anything else. And I certainly couldn't ask my dad." "Maybe we do need to ask your family," Mulder said. "If not in a group setting, maybe I should speak to them one on one." "Maybe my mother. I don't know if John would agree to it. He's sort of...private about that. I think he's ashamed of it." She shrugged. "After our parents' behavior, I don't blame him." "If he's willing to talk, I would appreciate it. I'm also going to try to talk with your mother alone." Mulder reached out and patted her thigh. "We'll get you though this. I can't promise we'll figure it all out, but we'll make the most sense of it that we can." Swallowing heavily, she nodded. "Thank you. I'll talk to them both and let you know what they say." Standing up, she reached for Anton's hand to help pull him to his feet. She'd had enough therapy for the day. "We should head home." Anton stood up, placing an arm around Bryn's waist. "We'll talk to you tomorrow," he said as he guided his wife to the door. Mulder nodded. "Bryn, I want you to think hard about what we've talked about." She met his gaze as she headed through the door. "I won't be able to think about anything else." Anton waited until they were out of the werewolves' home and half way to theirs before speaking. "I don't know what to think about what he said, Bryn. On some level it makes sense, but it doesn't line up with what you told me. And I'll believe you before him any day of the week." She gave him a quick glance. "May not be the wisest decision in this case. I'm apt to believe he must know more than me. It was his job. But still...I don't know if it makes me feel better or not. I'm more confused than anything. What the heck was that stuff about dead twins? Am I the only one that was lost?" "I don't think he meant to imply that you had a dead twin, my dear," Anton said. "I think he was trying to explain how you could still be human, how your blood couldn't be toxic like other hybrid's he was discussing. They changed one part of you, not all of you." "Uh huh." Lacing her fingers together with his, she said, "I'm starting to realize that I'm more concerned about the kids than me. If I am part alien, I'll deal with it. But for two little kids...it's going to so confusing for them." "Yeah. It's going to be confusing enough trying to explain to them that they're part vampire, but part alien as well?" Anton shook his head. Walking up the sidewalk to their house, Bryn said, "I think we should make them something special for dinner, and just spend the rest of the night playing with them." "That sounds like a wonderful way to spend the evening my dear. And after they go to bed, we can play with each other." Lindy looked at her mother, eyebrows raised. "Pig's ears?" Jess shrugged as she consulted the notepad on the kitchen table in front of her. "Denise's pack is going to be here, and I'm not certain how human they'll be. Or capable of being. So I figured it might be good thing to have some on hand just in case." Bryn wrinkled her nose. "Why not just throw at a carcass for them to chew on. Seriously, we'll be eating normal food. Nothing weird or even vegetarian. I think they can deal. Besides...everyone loves cake." "Cake is good," Jess said, nodding in agreement. "Although we still will need something vegetarian for Amanda." Lindy blinked. "She's still on the wagon?" "Only when it's not a full moon." Bryn shook her head. "Did you decide on a theme yet? That might be a good place to start." Jess shook her head. "I have no clue what's suitable for a stable triad of werewolves getting married would be. Lindy started flipping through magazines. "Why not something with a forest theme?" "That would work, I guess. But what would consist of the menu? Venison?" "Yeah," Lindy said. "But I was thinking more decoration wise - wildflowers, pine cones, pine needles and so on." Jess nodded. "Or it could be barbecue. That way there's a choice of meats. It might also be easier to cater too." Bryn started taking notes, writing on the back of one of the bridal magazines. "I like the wildflowers idea. Maybe even some ivy thrown in there. Oh, and you could even request that guests wear casual, neutral-colored clothes, like natural linen." "And we can have it out behind the barn, near that grove," Lindy said. "Although it might get cold since it's at night." "We can bring in space heaters... make it look rustic," Jess said. Bryn smiled. "This is fun," she said, still writing. "About what time of year have you decided on?" "Summer, I think, just so we can be outdoors and not worrying about rain." Jess looked at the magazine, trying to be inspired. "How about in August so we're not too close to your anniversary, Bryn?" Bryn lifted her head. "Well...that's fine, if you want it then. But you don't have to worry about being close to anniversary. Lindy's already is. I don't mind. Besides, I think we'll be sticking close to home this year." "Yeah, I could see why," Jess said, closing the magazine. She looked across to Bryn, gaze keen on any uncomfortable shift or expression she might make. "How are you guys doing? Everything okay?" Frowning slightly, Bryn had to wonder if Jess had picked up some kind of weird vibe from one of the kids. If the werewolf had, she didn't know where she'd gotten it from. "We're good. Especially now that Mom has her own place. It's nice to have some time alone again." "I'll bet," Jess said. "And your mother is settling in to her place okay?" "Yeah. I think she's a little lonely, though, because she still comes over a lot. I wish she'd try to get out more and make some new friends. I should probably try to help her find a group or something that she could join to share her interests. I don't want her just sitting around by herself all the time." As soon as the words had left her mouth, Bryn frowned again. "Um, is it okay if I use your phone and invite her over here? I can't believe I didn't even think about that." "Sure," Jess said after a look at Lindy. "I should have thought of that myself. Bring her on over." Bryn quickly excused herself to make the phone call. Unfortunately, her mother said she was too tired to attend. She had to wonder if it was just an excuse, and she was really irritated at not being invited in the first place. Sighing, Bryn ended the call and decided to talk to her about it later. Returning to the couch, she picked up her notes again and said, "She declined, but said to say, 'hello.' So...where were we?" "Themes," Lindy said. "Hey, here's something we could modify. A lumberjack wedding." Bryn cast a sideways glance at her. "Um...lumberjack wedding? You're not about to do a Monty Python joke, are you?" Jess looked immediately crestfallen. "I guess this means that the 'Holy Grail' themed wedding is a no go either?" Bryn rolled her eyes. "Come on, guys. Let's get serious. If you really want to have this wedding in the summer, we need to get our butts in gear right now. Time is flying." "Okay," Jess said. "I'll be serious," she said. Lindy flipped through some of the magazines, then looked up with a question. "How about something a little different from a traditional Western wedding? Maybe something more like a handfasting ceremony?" Bryn got a bit of a wistful smile on her face. "Our first wedding was a handfasting under the stars. It was very romantic...just the two of us. It was the perfect way to start our life together." Jess blinked in confusion while Lindy had a similarly wistful expression on her face. But it was also tinged with sadness. "I wish that I could have been there to see it," Lindy said softly. Which led to an even more confused look on Jess' face. But only for a second or two. "Oh. Brinley and Lindara." It was something she was still coming to terms with, at least for Lindy. "It does sound like a lovely idea." Bryn blushed a bit. "Sorry. I just get memories every once in a while. I can't control it. But you're right, it is a lovely idea. And you wouldn't need anyone to officiate. You could all write your own vows and do the ceremony yourselves." Jess scribbled some notes. "You know, I the more I think about it, the more I like it," she said, then tapped the pad with the eraser on the pencil. "Let's face it - we're not a normal family. So why should we have a normal wedding?" "And writing your own vows would work great. That went so well for me and Nate in Hawaii." She chewed her lower lip for a moment. "Maybe we could get Zenobia to officiate?" Bryn cast an odd glance at Lindy. "Well, they wouldn't really need her. But...if you want to give her a call..." "It's an idea," Jess said. "Let's think about it. But I like the idea of a handfasting a lot. I think we need to start looking at ceremonies, maybe start writing vows. I'll talk to the guys about it. Oh, that reminds me," Jess said. Her expression was a bit more solemn as she looked at Bryn. "Whenever you're ready to practice, Alex and Walter are available." Swallowing heavily, Bryn got a distinct deer-in-the-headlights look when she heard Jess's words and felt Lindy's gaze on her. "Oh. Uh...okay." Lindy looked sharply between her mother and her friend. But she held her tongue, knowing that later on she'd get the full story from either of them. "You know, I think we've done about all we can do tonight. Maybe we should get together tomorrow after Mom's talked to Alex and Walter?" Bryn nodded, standing up. She didn't make eye contact with Lindy. "Be sure to ask them what kind of food they'd like to have, Jess, so we can get started on the menu. I'll give you a call if I don't hear from you by Wednesday." "Okay," Jess said. "We'll see you then." "I'll talk to you later, Mom," Lindy said, getting up. She followed Bryn out the door, intending to talk to her. She could also get answers from her mother, but she thought the might get them from her friend much more easily. "Hey, wait up, Bryn," she called out as she caught up. "What's up with you and Mom?" Bryn mentally cringed, trying hard not to do it physically too. She kept her gaze trained straight ahead, still walking. "Um...well, it was just an idea that Anton had. You know, for practice. He thought it might help me get better at hunting." "Hunting? Practice?" Lindy stood there, not quite tracking. "What do you mean practice... wait." Her eyes widened at the realization. "You're going to hunt Alex and Walter?" Bryn winced, stopping in her tracks. "Well, sort of." She turned to face her friend. "It was Anton's idea," she said, defensively. "And Jess is totally okay with it." "She is?" Lindy knew her mother could be helpful, but hadn't expected her to be so helpful. "And Anton is too?" "It was his idea," she repeated. Sighing, she shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I think he's okay with it. He hasn't really said a lot about it. I'm the one who's a nervous wreck." Lindy blinked in surprise. "I'm just surprised that Mom and Anton are so mellow about it. But why are you nervous? Alex and Walter won't hurt you or give you any problems." "I know they won't. I'm just...worried about disappointing people. For as little as Anton has talked about it, I know he can't be entirely comfortable with the idea. And Jess..." Bryn swallowed heavily, trying to find a way to best express her words. "She expressed concerns that I might...cheat on Anton." Lindy's eyebrows raised at that. "More likely she's worried that Alex or Walter might cheat on her, but she wouldn't say it that way. And if Anton were completely comfortable with the idea, I' be worried." Lindy put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "I'm sure it will go okay, Bryn." "But if she's worried that they might, is this really such a good idea? I mean..." She blushed, feeling decidedly awkward. "I wouldn't want to...tempt anyone. I never even considered myself attractive, Lindy, let alone enough for someone to be worried about what me or someone else might do about it. I don't want to hurt anyone, even unintentionally." "Bryn, if something happens, I'm sure that Mom will know it will be Alex and Walter's fault. She'd be having this worry about anyone they'd be helping with. I think that she was even uneasy about how many late nights Alex and Vandala were working together. And as for Anton, it might be a good reminder to him about how damn lucky he is to have you." Bryn rolled her eyes. "Oh, and how so?" Lindy began ticking things off on her fingers. "You're beautiful. You're smart. You're a wonderful mother. You're willing to put up with his broody vampire moods..." Bryn started walking again. "That's not what I meant. Why would this specifically remind him? I'd be with someone else. If anything, it would be a great reminder of what Alexandra did to him." "But Alexandra wasn't a vampire," Lindy pointed out. "If you have this many hesitations about it, you need to sit down and talk with both Anton and Mom. Otherwise, you're always going to be second guessing what goes on when you do practice hunting them." She nodded, then paused. "But maybe I should really be talking to Alex and Walter?" Lindy nodded also. "Maybe everybody. But not all at once. That would just be weird." Bryn sighed. "You think the whole idea is weird, don't you?" "Well, yeah, kinda," Lindy admitted. "But then I didn't think about practicing hunting. It might have saved me a lot of problems." "Lindy...if you're at all uncomfortable with this, I'll call it off right now." "I know, I'm just getting used to the idea. I'd be a lot more uncomfortable if it were Nate you were hunting." She tried not to take offense to that, but she couldn't help giving Lindy an exasperated look. "I'm not a maneater. Good grief." Lindy let out a little giggle. "I didn't mean like that, Bryn. I'm just surprised that you haven't stalked Anton before." She closed her eyes briefly. "He's asked me to...but I'm not all that sure I'm ready for that. After what Lilith did to him...if he reacted badly, it would just kill me." Lindy nodded. "Yeah, I could see why." She looked at her friend with concern. "Have you talked to Anton about that?" "A little." She gave Lindy a slight smile. "We're good at avoiding subjects that bother us. All it takes is a look and we'll have forgotten all about it." She gave her friend a knowing smile. "Maybe you and Anton should try talking about it while wearing blindfolds?" Smirking, Bryn said, "Or maybe we he's tied up and can't distract me." Glancing back in the direction of her house, she nodded her head. "I'm gonna go. Maybe if I'm determined, I can't actually get a few paragraphs in before he gets hold of me." Lindy almost made a joke, but realized that there was a seriousness behind Bryn's words. "Okay. And good luck talking with him." "Thanks. Good night." She waited until Lindy gave her a wave, then resumed walking towards the house. Anton was home alone with the kids, which she found amusing considering he had promised to have dinner ready. It definitely wasn't easy caring for the kids and preparing food, without her mother's help. She had to wonder just how he was managing. Opening the front door, she greeted Petunia warmly and called out, "I'm home." "Dinner may be a few minutes late, my dear," came her husband's voice from the kitchen. Anton was completely unaware of the smear of flour across his nose as he checked the timer for the potatoes roasting in the oven. He had managed to keep Kat and Max in dry diapers, but at the expense of having hot food on the table. "How did the planning go?" She smiled at him, smooching his lips as she reached up to dust off his nose. "It went okay. How did your evening go?" "It's been busy. And Max isn't at all certain about my parenting skills. He's been telling me that he wants you home all day. And Kat seems to be producing more than we're feeding her. It's amazing how many diapers I've had to change today, which is part of why dinner is late, and we are currently dessert-less." He gave her a peck on the lips. "I don't know how you do it, my dear." "I don't, remember? I drop them off with Mom for half the night and then arrive home just in time to make dinner. Lucky for me, you usually aren't far behind me." Spotting Max hurrying around the corner, she bent down to pick him up, smiling as he hugged her tightly. "What's the matter, sweetie? Did Daddy forget to bribe you with cookies like Mom does?" Max made a happy sounding burble and smiled widely. "I'll have to remember that, my dear," Anton chuckled. He grabbed an oven mitt when the timer went off and pulled out the potatoes. "And that's dinner my dear. Would you mind setting the table?" Bryn bounced Max on her hip, kissing him noisily, before letting him slide down to the floor. "I can do that...if you get the kids set up in their high chairs." She smiled at him, opening the cupboard to grab some plates. "I was talking to Jess and Lindy...and Jess kind of mentioned that Alex and Walter are ready to go, whenever I'm ready too." "Really, my dear?" Anton scooped up the kids and headed towards the dining room. "And what about you? Are you ready to go?" Bryn took a while in answering, as she got out the silverware and glasses. "I don't really know. I...had a talk with Lindy. She said it sounded a little weird, but she didn't try to stop me or anything." "Really?" Anton placed Max and Kat in their chairs. The challenge for him was getting Kat safely situated before Max managed to climb down. "Did she say why it sounded weird?" "She said something about how she never really thought about practicing hunting." Assembling the place settings, she continued watching him. "And she said she thought I should talk to you about it. About what you might be thinking." Kat firmly in place and handed a bottle, Anton managed to snag Max before he slipped out of his high chair. "What I might be thinking?" he asked a bit confused. "Wasn't this my idea in the first place?" "Yes, technically. But you were trying to help me. I'm hoping this isn't just your attempt at being noble. And that you aren't trying to ignore something you might be feeling just because you don't want to hurt my feelings." Anton's expression was serious as he turned to face her. "Bryn, I will not lie to you. I am jealous. There is a part of me that is insanely green with envy at the thought of you hunting the werewolves. It's the same part that is insanely green with jealousy when another man looks at you. I know that you might be stalking them, but at dawn it will be me you will stalk, catch and subdue. Multiple times if I'm lucky," he added with a twinkle in his eye. Standing with the table between them, she could only stare at him, her breath caught in her throat. Pressing her fingertips to the tabletop, she said, "Why didn't you tell me that before?" "Because I didn't want to come across as a possessive monster," Anton said. "You were having enough problems adapting to me being a vampire at first. And your self-esteem. I didn't want to add an insanely jealous husband to the mix." The corner of her mouth curved a bit. "I don't think I'd ever categorize you as insane or a monster. You've never been out of control with your possessiveness. You've never taken it to the point of isolating me from the world or anything even close to that. If anything, you've always been the one to encourage me to get out more." She walked around the table, reaching for his hand. "But that's not the point I was going to make. Jess has also voiced some concerns about jealousy...and what might happen. I told her about what has happened between us before, and I think it helped allay some of her fears. But I didn't have any clue that you were feeling jealous, too." "It's the normal level of jealousy, my dear. Nothing truly psychopathic like Natasha's. I like to think that it's normal." An eyebrow arched. "Maybe the same type of jealousy you have when I talk to a woman?" "What makes you think that's normal? How do you know that's not what I'll be thinking about when I'm hunting again?" Her expression was completely serious. "Yes I do feel extremely jealous when you're talking to other women. And if you were hunting them, I think I'd be certifiable. I hate that idea. If fact, If I could eradicate all other women off the face of this earth, I think I would." "All women?" Anton asked with a pointed look at their daughter. "Nearly all." "I see," Anton said. "And since I intend to do the same for all the men, shall we repopulate the planet then?" "Why bother? We could use animal blood to survive, and the few people we don't kill can get to work producing food and entertainment for us." She grinned at him. "But stop distracting me, I was serious. We should talk about this. Because I really don't want to do this stupid hunting thing if you're going to end up feeling any kind of resentment about it in the end." "Bryn, I will not be resentful about this. I love you and I trust you. And I know that you won't cheat on me. You may have been Alexandra then, but you aren't her now." She knew that dinner was probably getting cold, and the look in his eyes told her that he was being truthful. And as much as she wanted to keep questioning him to see if his answer would ever change, she finally convinced herself to give him a break. Just because she still had problems with the idea didn't automatically mean that he did, too. "Okay." She lifted on to her toes to kiss him softly. "Thank you, sugar." Anton gently kissed her in return. "You're welcome, my dear. And if you are having a lot of issues about it, we can hold off. Or find another way." he nuzzled her cheek softly. "I don't want to pressure you into this if you're not comfortable with it. This is supposed to help you become a better hunter. Not cause more problems." "I know. It just makes me nervous. I don't want to disappoint anyone. And to be honest, I don't know Alex and Walter that well. I'm wondering what they're going to do. I'm...hoping that I won't be reminded of Justin." "Well, those are all legitimate concerns. I'm sure Alex and Walter must feel comfortable to allow you to try." He paused, frowning. "And why would it remind you of Justin?" She kept her gaze downcast, so he couldn't see the moisture forming there. "Because he was my friend, too. And then he just turned on me, and there wasn't anything I could do about it." Anton crossed over to her side of the table. "And it wasn't fair of him to put you in that position, Bryn. But you are not him. You won't turn on your friends." She let out a frustrated breath. "No, not me. Them. Anton...what if they turn on me?" That was a distinct possibility. One he wasn't certain how to address. "I don't think they will do that, Bryn. But do you want me to watch over what happens? Step in if things start to turn sour?" She nodded, grateful that he would offer. She squeezed his hand. "That would make me feel better." Anton raised her hand to his lips. "Then after dinner, let's talk to them about when and where." Holding his gaze, she gave him a soft smile. "I love you. More than you'll ever realize. And it means so very much to me to have your trust and support." She leaned forward and kissed him softly. "I'm so lucky to have you." "And I am lucky to have you, my dear." he gently nuzzled her cheek. "And as much as I want to show you how lucky I am, we need to get the children and ourselves fed first." "You're impatient when you're hungry. Kind of like when you're horny." Grabbing his hand, she tugged him with her as she headed for the kitchen. "Let's eat." Anton chuckled. "That's just a different kind of hunger." Grabbing the oven mitts, he pulled the foil wrapped potatoes out of the oven. "Does the roast look done enough for you?" Gazing over his shoulder, she nodded. "Mmm. Smells delicious, too. Did you make any gravy, or do you want me to do that?" "Nope. About the time I was ready to make it, Kat needed a diaper change." He started unwrapping the potatoes, hissing as his fingers were scorched. "So if you bribe Max with cookies, what do you bribe Kat with?" "Well, nothing seems to work quite as well with her except holding her constantly. So usually I just have to let her cry for a little bit until I have a minute to pick her up and see what her problem is." Making a slurry out of water and flour, she started the gravy with the meat drippings. "Either that, or you call Mom or Jess." "Neither of which I thought of doing. Takes a village, huh?" Anton smiled. "Any other child rearing secrets I should be aware of?" She grinned at him as he started slicing the roast. "Well, Kat sleeps better if her clothes aren't fresh from the dryer. I don't know why, but if they smell too clean to her, she doesn't like it. So I've been considering trying to find a fabric softener that's unscented, but that's nearly impossible. Max gets cranky before dinner, but if you give him a small piece of bread, he'll usually be fine." "I think that I need to start taking notes, my dear." Roast sliced and put on the tray, Anton added the potatoes and some carrots he had cooked earlier and carried it out to the dining room. "It amazes me how much you're able to do without going crazy." "Who said I hadn't gone crazy?" she asked. Ladling some gravy in to a boat, she followed him in to sit down. "Why do you think I let them stay with grandma for part of the day now?" "So it's a plot to drive me crazy," Anton laughed. He smiled at the kids, who reached immediately for what Mommy and Daddy had. "They are growing up fast, aren't they, Bryn?" Bryn nodded, a bit sad, wishing they could stay little forever. "Yeah. One of these days we'll be sitting here for dinner, wondering where they are and cursing the clock. Too bad we had to teach Max to walk." She gave Anton a small smile, grabbing some meat to cut up for the kids. "And I guess we'll have to teach Kat eventually," Anton sighed. He cut open one of the potatoes, scraping out the white insides for the kids to enjoy as well. She nodded again, then stood up to give the kids their meat. When she was seated again, she dished up her own food. "So...how long have you felt jealous like that?" "Since I saw you and John together at the gallery showing two years ago," he said with complete honesty. "Or did you mean this life time only?" She couldn't help smirking. "And you had me from the beginning. Just think how jealous you'd be if John really wasn't my brother." "Ah, but for a few minutes there, I did." He smirked back at her. "And how about you? When did the jealousy start?" "Well, probably about the same time. But I did have a small spark of it in Santa Cruz, when I first saw you. Even though I was suspicious of you, I couldn't help thinking that I wished you were looking for me. Luckily, you were." "We were both lucky that night." Anton leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I know we would have crossed paths again at some point, but I am glad that I decided to take a walk on the boardwalk that night." She was running late, as usual. Thanks to the kids, she'd had to change her shirt twice as well as soothe Kat, before heading out the door, that she was coming back. Luckily, she was able to find a parking spot in the crowded coffee shop parking lot. Now came the scary part. Carl Dane had agreed to meet Bryn in this public space, because it made her feel better to get to know him a bit first. Armed with a backpack, she hurried inside and ordered herself an iced mocha before searching the faces at the tables for the man whose face she'd memorized...from the back of his book jackets. Attempting to park in a public lot was always a lesson in humility. Carl was running about ten minutes late by the time he found a parking space. But his stride wasn't hurried as he walked into the the coffee shop. He stepped into the line to order his latte and then started scanning the tables. Vandala, who seemed amused by the whole idea, had given him a picture of Sabryn Rudenko. She had given up searching and found a seat at a table, certain that he would join her soon. Settling her backpack in her lap, she pulled out the latest copy of Carl's--no, Matthew Stetler's--book. She was sure she was going to embarrass him, but she couldn't pass up the chance to ask for his autograph. As it was, he was lucky she hadn't brought her entire collection. She would have needed the trunk of her car to fit them all. Picking up his drink, he thought he spotted her out of the corner of his eye. And there was a small grin on his face when he noticed what she was reading. He walked towards her, taking a sip of his coffee. "Sabryn Rudenko?" he asked when he came within earshot. "I'm Carl Dane." She gave him one of her biggest smiles, standing up to greet him. Holding her hand out, she grasped his and shook it vigorously. "I'm so happy to meet you. I read all of your books. I'm usually first in line to get them. You're so much better than Stephen King. He should be kissing your feet." Carl smiled. Her reaction wasn't uncommon and he never really got tired of it. "Thank you, although I do have a lot of books to sell before I'm equal with Stephen King." He looked down at his hand, which was still being vigorously shaken. "You can let go of my hand now." "Oh." She laughed nervously, immediately dropping his hand. "Um...sit down. I hope this table is okay. We can go somewhere more secluded if you want. I just chose this because it was close to the counter...I love their cookies. I'm trying really hard not to order a ton of madelines and hog them all down." Carl sat down. "Try the Death-by-Chocolate-Chip cookies when they're fresh from the oven. They are wonderful when they're hot." He took another sip of his drink, looking around to see if there was anyone blatantly eavesdropping. "So," he said after a moment. "Anton said you needed help?" Now that they'd abruptly gotten to the point, she gave him a wide-eyed, shy stare. "Um...yeah." She took a long drink from her coffee, draining half the cup. "This was more his idea than mine. I mean...no offense, but I had really expected him to do all of my teaching. I'm not really sure what you can do for me. He seems to think that you and I might have more in common, with our ages, I guess." "I see. That would make sense, given how old your husband is." He took another drink of his coffee. "What did he tell you about me?" "Not very much. I told him to let you decide what you wanted to tell me. Although, I know enough to know you wouldn't be at all attracted to me." She gave him a small smile. "And that it would be more likely that I'd be attracted to him?" Carl let out a soft laugh. "You're a beautiful woman, but you're quite safe from my attentions. Your husband too. As handsome as he is, he's not quite my type. Now, if his brother were still single though..." His joking smile faded with his next question. "Did he tell you who Transformed me?" She quirked an eyebrow at the mention of Nate, but didn't press the issue. How Anton could not be anyone's type, she didn't understand at all. He had to be blind. Returning her focus to his question, she nodded briefly and frowned. "Yes. And I'm very sorry for you." Carl almost snorted coffee through his nose. "I'm sorry," he said, trying hard not to choke. "I've just never heard it put quite that way. I assume that means you won't hold it against me." He swallowed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Did he explain why I'm the black sheep of the family?" She handed him a napkin, in case he needed it. "Not really. Just that you don't agree with Lilith's politics. Luckily many more people are starting to see that point of view these days." "It's a little more complicated than that, Sabryn. May I call you Sabryn?" He put down his coffee cup and turned to face her fully. "I guess you could say that I have a lot more in common with you than age. Only the ending for me wasn't quite so happy. My lover was murdered, and although she didn't sink her fangs into him personally, she hired those who actually did it." Bryn's eyes were downcast as she listened. She wasn't sure he would be accepting of her comfort, but she reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say. That's horrible, and I'm so sorry for you." "Thanks," he said. "It was bad, but not nearly as bad as what you and Anton went through. I mean, I followed what was going on, even though I wasn't actually there." She shook her head. "No, it was nothing like that. Anton survived. He has his life back. Your lover didn't have to worry about forgetting the nightmares--you did. He didn't have the luxury of knowing Lilith was rotting in a prison somewhere." Carl nodded. "There is that," he said with a sigh. "How did we get on such a depressing subject? Let's get back to why your husband asked me to help you. But not here," he said looking around the crowded room. "Want to take a walk?" "Okay." Looking down at her book, she gave him a little awkward smile. "Would you mind signing this first?" Carl laughed as he double checked which book it was. "I was wondering when you'd ask me that," he said as he opened the front cover. "Any particular inscription you want?" She shook her head, falling in to rabid fan mode again. Grinning widely, she said, "Surprise me. I'm not going to read it until I get home." "Okay." Pulling out a pen, he started scribbling in the book, and then snapped the cover shut with a flourish. "And here you are. Since that's the third novel in a trilogy, I'm assuming you like my work?" She gave him a dry stare. "I have all of your books. And after Anton told me about some of your aliases, I started searching for the other books too. They're a little harder to find, but I have three on order and I scour used bookstores whenever I get the chance. So, yeah, I guess you could say so." "So I see," Carl said. "But you might not want to let certain people know that you're such a big fan. There are those who feel what I write is a little too close to the truth for comfort." Putting the book away in her backpack, she slung the pack over her shoulder. "People like Lilith. And to tell you the truth, I don't really care what they think. I haven't been a v--I haven't been like this for very long, and I think you'll find I don't care about kissing anyone's ass. Well, except maybe Anton's." She smirked a bit. Carl smirked as well. "Please, you don't want me to start picturing your husband's ass. Because then I doubt I'll be able to stop." He stood and picked up his almost empty coffee cup. "Come on," he said as he lead her towards the door. "I want you to tell me what you're comfortable with about how it happened. And how much experience you have." She followed him, grinning at his comment and carrying her drink. She sipped it as they left the coffee shop and headed down the street. "Where exactly do you want me to start?" "What ever you're comfortable with," he said. "Feeding is sort of like sex in a way for a lot of vampires. One extreme blushes and stammers and acts like they close their eyes and think of England while it's happening. The other extreme will do it with anyone and their dog and an audience. But most see it as an intimate act that isn't talked about lightly, but at the same point, doesn't have to have its existence denied." She gave him a half-smile. "I guess I've never really looked at it that way before." She shrugged. "When I first met Anton and saw what he did, I was disgusted. I think I might have even thrown up. I didn't realize at the time that I was insulting him. Just the whole idea of...that...was gross. But as I got to know him, I guess some of that glamorous image of what he was came back. I started to get used to it. And was even a bit turned on by it. He let me taste it once." Bryn blushed slightly, hoping no one was listening and misinterpreting. "It wasn't as gross as I had thought." "I think we all go through that stage at one point. And we have to get used to the idea, or else we starve." He led her town towards the parking not there cars sat in. "And what did you think once you had done it yourself?" "At first, it was just Anton, and it was easy. But then he wanted me to learn, and so I did it. I waited for someone to approach me and..." She glanced away, feeling oddly shy. "I liked it. A lot. I always thought I would feel guilt, but I didn't...not until much later. And when I did, it was mostly guilt for not feeling guilty. I wanted to do it again. I still do. And I still feel terrible for wanting to. But it's not so much for what I'd be doing--I feel bad because I know I should be feeling terrible, but I don't." "And that is the quandary that we all have to figure out, Sabryn. How much pleasure we can live with, and how much guilt is appropriate. That's something that Anton and I can only guide you through determining, but you'll have to decide for yourself." He looked down a bit shamefaced still. "The first time I fed, it was a very... intense experience. I couldn't do it again for almost six weeks after it happened. And in some ways, I'm still struggling with it." She was quiet when she stepped a bit closer to him. "Anton didn't say much about it. I'm not sure what his reaction is, really. I'm a little afraid that he might be ashamed of me for what I'm feeling. He's always so mature about everything. He has such control over his emotions. Sometimes it's just hard to know what he's thinking." Carl bit back his laughter. "Sabryn," he said. "He's over a thousand years old. He's had time to learn control. Give us five or ten centuries and we'll be as stone cold sober as he is." "Maybe I don't want to be like that. I like it when he knows what I'm thinking. It's just...it's just like this. Him sending me to you. How am I supposed to take that? Is he really trying to do what's best for me, or does he somehow think I'm too much for him to handle? Was I doing something wrong?" She closed her eyes briefly, until she'd caught control of her emotions. "I'm sorry. I'm very grateful to you for what you're doing. You didn't have to, and it's very kind of you." Carl nodded. "I think that you need to have a talk with your husband. Because I got the distinct feeling when he was talking that he was afraid he wouldn't be able to teach you properly, that he'd protect you too much and that if an emergency came, you wouldn't be able to deal with it. She was quiet for a moment. "I don't know what to think. I'm just frustrated, I guess. I don't know what to feel about any of this, and I don't seem to be expressing myself properly when I try to talk about it. So it feels like I've done something wrong." Quickly draining the rest of her coffee, she tossed it in to a nearby garbage can. "Maybe I'm overreacting, but I feel like I'm not being heard by anyone." "Well, maybe that's what I'm here for," Carl said. "I'm trying to listen the best I can, but I have to admit, this is all new to me. But I remember what it's like - the loneliness and the confusion and trying to figure out what to do or how to react." "What was it like for you, when you were first..." "Confusing. I really didn't know what was going on, or what I was getting myself into. I had been approached by one of Lilith's assistants, told that she wished to be a sort of patroness. I didn't know that I had caught the attention of a few vampires with my stories, and it wasn't necessarily the good type." "So you had someone to help you? A mentor, of sorts?" Carl nodded. "Chris helped me adjust. Taught me how to hunt and some of the political ins and outs of being a member of the Brood, as those Transformed by Lilith were nicknamed." He paused for a moment, remembering. "That only worked for a while until my feelings started to get confused." "I don't think I would've even survived a day in your shoes, with Lilith as my mother." She wrinkled her nose. "So what about now? Are you at peace with yourself?" "I think I am," Carl said. "I have days still when I have to deal with it, but it's more around personal anniversaries. Things like that. I've rebuilt my life and have kept on going without swallowing my pride and asking for Lilith's help. But there are still days that I miss Chris terribly." Bryn gave him a sad smile, sitting down on the bumper of her car. "What about your family? Did you ever see them again, after you changed?" Carl shook his head. "No. I was raised in New Orleans, but I had moved out here after the Civil War. My family and I didn't part on the best of terms. Mostly because I hadn't found a nice girl, married her, and taken over my father's store like I was expected to." "I'm sorry. It sounds like you've lost the majority of people you were close to." "Occupational hazard of being a vampire, I guess. Although I do have several friends that I stay close to." "Have you ever met Mina? She went through a similar experience as ours. We keep in touch through emails. She's a wonderful person to talk to." "She and I also email each other. Although sometimes I feel guilty that Vlad died while I was spared. It's a long story." Bryn shook her head. "Don't be. Your guilt won't do anything to change fate. It happened the way it was meant to." "It's hard to keep that in mind," Carl said. His change in subject was abrupt, and clearly an attempt to back away from discussing what happened to him. "So, do you want me to each you some pointers, or do you need to talk to your husband some more before you decide?" Bryn shrugged her shoulders. "I guess it depends on what you'll be teaching me." She smiled. "What have you got in mind?" "Various hunting techniques, ways to stalk, but more how to deal with it after the fact." Carl shrugged as well. "I think Anton had more in mind someone that you could talk to who is closer in age to you than he is. He's experienced so many thing for so long, it might not cross his mind to ask if you were having problems with them." She didn't want to talk about what Anton had intended. She was sick of thinking about him. "Why don't we go somewhere a little less public? Maybe dinner at a quiet restaurant or something? I'm hungry and I have a feeling this might take a while." "Okay," Carl said. "I know a Japanese place a few blocks from here. I'm friends with the owner, so I know we'll get a private room if it's available." "Just as long as they have something other than sushi on the menu. I can't eat that stuff." "They have an excellent beef teriyaki, as well as noodle bowls. So, shall we?" She nodded, walking around to the driver's side of her car. "I'll follow you. I'll probably need to head right home afterwards." And she'd also need to call Anton and tell him she wouldn't be home for dinner. "Okay. It's a few blocks north of here, parking below the building," Carl said. "I'll meet you there in about ten minutes?" "Okay." She gave him a brief wave before getting in her car. Starting it and waiting for him to back out, she did the same and followed him in to traffic. While on the road, she reached down to activate her hands-free car phone and dialed the number for home. Anton had just finished disposing of Kat's soiled diaper when the phone rang. He picked up the cordless. "Hello?" "Hey. I just wanted you to know I'm not going to be home for dinner. In fact, I'll probably be late, so there's some frozen dinners you could get out, or you could order a pizza." "Okay, my dear. I was just about to start dinner for me and the kids anyway." Anton paused, switching the phone to the other ear. "Is everything going okay, my dear?" "Yeah. He's really nice. I think we're getting along well. He signed my book for me," she said, happily. "We're heading to a Japanese restaurant for a bit more privacy. I said as long as there's no sushi, that's fine with me. You know...blood is okay, but raw fish, no thanks." "Well, of course. Raw fish is gross," Anton responded with a laugh. "Have a good time out, my dear. And tell Carl I said hello. Don't worry. I think I can handle feeding the kids. I'll see you later this morning?" "Yeah, you will. Get the kids good and filled up, and they'll fall right to sleep. The trick is getting them to eat it in the first place." She smiled when he laughed. "Have a good dinner, sugar. I'll see you soon. Love you. Bye." He smiled, glad that things seemed to be going well. "Enjoy dinner, my dear. And I'll try to make certain the house is still standing when you're home. Love you. Bye." Ending the phone call, Bryn reached over to turn up the radio. When changed lanes, she quickly did the same, even though she nearly cut off another driver. Giving the guy a slight wave in her rear view mirror, she couldn't help giggling. Despite having dreaded this meeting with Carl Dane and worrying about making a fool of herself, she was now in a good mood and couldn't wait to continue their conversation over dinner. End Chapter One Hundred Sixty-four <- Previous Chapter | Home