Chapter Thirty She finally gave up on trying to sleep about thirty minutes after the last time she'd awakened. She didn't feel sick or too hot, but something was just a little off. Deciding that she didn't want to wake up Anton just yet, she slipped carefully out from beneath his arm and quietly got dressed. There wasn't a lot for her to do in the house. There was British television, but she had no idea what would be playing when. She didn't even know how to play "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on the piano. Playing pool by herself wouldn't be all that exciting, and she didn't feel like asking one of stuffy servants to join her. Instead, stepping mostly unnoticed out the back door, she headed for a walk in the estate's expansive gardens. Everything was so impeccably groomed, the pathways raked and the plants ornately pruned into interesting topiary shapes. It was beautiful...but it didn't help to wash away the sadness that stayed glued in her head. The weather was cold and slightly damp, doing nothing to lift her spirits. And although she suspected what the problem was, what was making her so sad, she wasn't quite ready to admit it. Until she saw full bush of ivory-colored roses. Sitting down on one of the stone benches by the walkway, she sniffled as she stared at those plump blossoms. And although she swore she wasn't going to cry here, she couldn't help the single tear that slipped out of her watery eyes. One tear led to a second, and the second to a third, and before she could stop herself, she was sobbing. Not wanting to be caught crying by one of the servants, she went back into the house and into the first open room she found. She looked around what was another guest bedroom. Like the main entrance and the master bedroom, this was also filled with antique pieces, but with modern touches as well. Leaving the lights off, she sat down on the canopied bed and pulled the telephone into her lap. She had an overwhelming urge to talk to someone, and she didn't think she could face Anton at the moment. She dialed the phone and waited. On the fourth ring someone picked up the call. "Hello?" Lindy half yawned. "Oh Lindy, I'm sorry, I forgot about the time difference. I didn't mean to wake you." "S'okay...I wasn't actually asleep yet anyway. Just Changed back and am kind of drowsy. Is something wrong?" "Um, no." Bryn cleared her throat, hoping Lindy couldn't hear her sniffling. "I, uh, wanted to see how you were doing. I'm so sorry you got sick Lindy. I feel horrible. I never should've given you that drink. Please tell me you're feeling better?" "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I was just really nauseous there for a while, like I had the flu." She saw no reason to make Bryn feel worse than she already was. "There was no way you could have known something was in that drink. And God forbid what would have happened if you drank it." Bryn could hear the noise of Lindy walking in the background, and then the squeak of couch cushions. "I don't blame you, so let's talk about other things. How are you enjoying England?" "Um...it's nice, I guess." "You guess?" "We--I haven't seen much yet. The Tower of London, and--" She choked on her words, taking a few seconds to calm herself before saying, "And, the, uh, cemetery." "Anton visited his wife's grave?" "His late wife." She was a little too adamant about clarifying that. "He had a hard time there. And later on, too." "But he's ok now?" Feeling a surge of emotion, she nodded, completely forgetting Lindy couldn't see her. "I think so," she wincing at the waver in her voice. "Can you h-hang on a second?" "Sure." Bryn set the phone down, muffling the receiver as she grabbed some tissues off the nearby table and blew her nose. Taking some deep, albeit shaky, breaths, she picked up the phone. "I'm back. Sorry about that." "Bryn, are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." The sniffle following belied her statement. "No, you're not." Lindy's voice was soft and soothing. "You're having a difficult time too, and my guess is you haven't talked to anyone about it. C'mon. Tell me what's wrong." She gave up trying to hide her emotions, not answering Lindy for a few minutes because she couldn't seem to speak. "I--I saw him hurting and I hated it. And I feel so horrible, but for a moment I hated her too. For making him feel this and leaving me unable to do anything about it." She paused again, sniffling. "I thought that I would do whatever I could to...stop his suffering. And I thought about it, and decided I should--should let him say one last goodbye to her. We were on the bed anyway, and I knew he was still thinking about her." "Bryn, what did you do?" Lindy asked, sounding suspicious. She let out a small sob. "I let him use me. I told him it would be ok if he made love to me, but pretended he was with her." "Oh my God." "I thought I was okay with it, that it couldn't hurt me. It was just a fantasy. But I didn't sleep, and when I got up this morning I couldn't stop crying." She was quiet for a moment, her breath sounding wheezy as it passed the phone. "I know it's stupid, because he loves me...but it hurts so much. I don't even know how to explain it. He was so...so passionate and intense, almost frenzied, and I couldn't help but think that he's rarely like that with me. And he kept calling me 'my darling'..." She swallowed heavily. "I'm sorry, Lindy. I shouldn't bug you with this, but I don't know what to do. I know I said I could handle it, but I'm so scared of spending eternity sharing him with eight other people." "Bryn, I don't know what to say." She hadn't even thought hard about the fact that she was in the same situation with Nathaniel. "I mean, I know that you're including me in that list, but I don't think of what happened between us as having to share him." She paused and sighed. "Look, he probably hasn't thought of her for a long time, or at least of making love to her. So that may be why he was a little crazy last night, combined with his other emotions. Besides, he's married to you, now. And just about every other time he's made love to you, it's been with you, not someone else. Does that make any sense?" "Yes, but it doesn't make me feel much better. What if...what if he wants to do this same thing with the other wives? There are still five other graves to visit. I don't ever want him to think he can't be open with me and needs to hold back his grieving...but I don't know if I can go through this again. I hate--I hate being such a whiny baby. It's not like he's having an affair, but it still hurts anyway." "Bryn, was he open about his feelings while at the cemetery?" "Yeah." "And you were the one that suggested the role playing in bed, not him, right?" "Yeah." "I don't think he'll ask you to do that, Bryn. It's not like him to make love to one woman while thinking of another." Lindy took a deep breath, stifling another yawn. "And I'm not the one you really need to talk to about this. Go talk to him, Bryn." "I can't," she said, quietly. "I don't want him to know. I'd just hurt him all over again and make him feel guilty." She cleared her throat again, sounding not quite as watery-eyed as she had earlier. "I'm okay. I just wanted someone to talk to. I think I need to make peace with it. Maybe I'll go for another walk in the garden again." "Are you sure? I really think it would be a good idea to tell him." "No. It's--it's nothing. I'm feeling better now. I'll let you get some sleep. Give Petunia an extra kiss for me. I really miss my baby. And I miss you too. It was nice to hear your voice." "I miss you too Bryn. And Petunia does too. And believe me, Montel really does also, or at least he can't wait until you take Petunia home." Both women laughed a little. "Listen, think about talking to him, okay? And call me later on, okay?" "Okay. Bye." Bryn hung up the phone and replaced it on the table. She turned back to the door and jumped when she saw who was standing there. "Anton! You startled me." She swallowed. "How long have you been there?" "Long enough." He swallowed as well, tears in his eyes. He knew something was wrong when he woke up alone, and immediately pulled on a robe and started off through the house in search of her. He had stepped up to the door just as she had said there were five other graves to visit. And he immediately guessed what happened. He had felt badly from the moment he woke up. [I shouldn't have taken up her offer of the fantasy of being with Rebecca again.] But she had offered it to him at a weak moment, and he gave into that weakness without even a token protest, to his shame. "Bryn, I'm... I'm sorry." "You were listening to a private conversation, Anton." She walked towards him, getting ready to duck under his arm. "You have nothing to be sorry about, except that." She hurriedly ducked and walked past him, heading towards the garden, and flinched when he grabbed her arm. She stood still, staring straight ahead. "Anton, please let me go. I'm fine. I just needed to talk to someone, and I did, so you can let me go." "Bryn, I know you, and I know you're not fine." He let go of her arm, hoping she'd at least stay and listen to him. "I shouldn't have let what happened last night happen. I didn't mean to hurt you." He ran his hand through his hair. [See what happens when you think with your cock and not your brain, Anton?] She laughed a bit. "I think I've had this conversation before. And that was my fault, too. Stop apologizing for mistakes that aren't yours, Anton." Despite his hopes, she quickly resumed walking, disappearing out the door and into the garden. And although he didn't have any shoes on, he followed...wincing every step of the way. "This *was* my mistake, Bryn. I could've said no." "I didn't have to ask in the first place. Didn't you understand from my phone call that I didn't want to talk to you about this? I don't want you to feel guilty, and that's exactly what you're doing anyway." She glanced at him over her shoulder. "Stop, now, please. You were upset, and you had every right to be. You're grieving, and instead of respecting that, I abused my position in your life. I'm sorry, Anton...but you have absolutely no need to be." "Yes I do, Bryn. Yes, I was grieving for Rebecca, but that didn't give me the right to bring her into our bed, even if you were willing." "But that's not our bed, Anton. That's the bed you shared with her." "Over 200 years ago." Anton shook his head. "I can't say that part of me doesn't still love her, and always will. But you are the one I've chosen to spend now with, and the future with, not with her or her memory." She stopped walking slowly, finally standing still yet nevertheless staring straight ahead. He wanted reach out to her, but remained several steps behind. "What did it feel like?" she asked, quietly. "What did what feel like?" He thought he knew what she was talking about, but he wanted her to clarify it first. She turned her head slightly to the side, as if to hear him better. "Being with her again. What did it feel like?" She swallowed audibly. "Was—I know I don't have the right to ask this of you, but was it better? Than being with me?" "No, Bryn." He shook his head emphatically. "I did some things last night that I remembered her liking, things I hadn't thought of teaching you yet." He paused for a moment. "Remember a while back you asked what the most intense sexual experience I had was?" Bryn nodded. "You said it the first time you and your first wife made love." "Well, I've changed my mind since then, Bryn. The most intense, most pleasurable, most incredible sexual experience I've had was the honeymoon night I spent with my seventh, and my last, wife." She turned to face him but quickly ducked her head as her eyes welled up once again. Her lips quivered, and she shuddered. "I'm so sorry, Anton. I never meant to make you feel guilty." She choked on a sob. "I only wanted to make you feel better, but I messed it up. Please, please don't think you have to hide your feelings from me. I love you so much and I'd do anything to make you stop hurting." He had told himself that he wouldn't touch her until she made the first move. But now he reached out to her, folding his arms around her, tucking her against his chest. "Bryn, I love you, and I appreciate what you are trying to do." He brushed an errant lock of hair back behind her ear. "But I don't want you to feel that you're competing against them, Bryn. If you want to comfort me sexually, that's fine. But let's drop all the role-playing and fantasizing. I only want to make love to one woman, Bryn. You." He pressed his lips to her forehead. "And I am sorry I've made you feel this way." She seemed to melt against him, pressing her cheek to the warmth of his bare chest. She grasped the thick cloth of his robe, nearly clutching him, willing her breathing to return to normal. She was silent for a long time, aware of the curious glances from the gardeners. Tilting her head back, she met his gaze. "We don't have to drop all of the role-playing and fantasizing, do we?" She had a playful glint in her eyes. "I mean, what if I want to pretend I'm a young, unmarried Empress and you're my sexy yet utterly forbidden stable boy?" Anton grinned down at her. "Okay, maybe I was a bit hasty when I said *all* the role-playing and fantasizing." She returned his grin, a slight blush on her cheeks. "Or maybe I'm a talented sex slave being sold at auction for murdering my last master...and you're a rich sultan who wants to add me to your harem?" "Hmmm... that would depend. How did you kill your former master?" "Sexual exhaustion. I literally fucked him to death." Anton grinned. "Okay, I was definitely wrong when I said *all* role-playing and fantasizing." Her smile faded, and he grew serious for a moment. "But I don't want you thinking you have to play a surrogate for my former wives, Bryn. That's not fair to you." She nodded slightly, leaning forward to press a lingering kiss to his chest. Resting her forehead against his collarbone, she murmured, "I just needed to hear you say that...if we were both standing here in front of you...you wouldn't choose her over me. It wasn't the sex that bothered me so much. I would've had the same fears anyway. I know it's not possible for them to come back...but the idea that you might've been with me just because they weren't here anymore terrified me. It's not fair of me to doubt you, and I'm sorry. But the things I learned as a child, and have stayed with me for almost my entire life...they're hard to unlearn." "Then I am going to spend the rest of my life helping you unlearn them." He squeezed his arms tighter around her. "What do you say that we go upstairs, I get dressed, we have breakfast and then go sightseeing?" He bent down to whisper in her ear. "And when we get back, we'll start you unlearning things, my dear." She turned her head and kissed his neck, wrapping her own arms tighter around him. "It sounds perfect, Anton." As they walked towards the boarding gate, Nate holding Jess's carry-on luggage, Lindy held his hand and stuck close to her mother. She was a little sad to see her going so soon, but with any luck it would only be temporary. They'd discussed the idea of the large family property, and, although Jess had valid concerns of her own, she seemed to like the possibilities. They did miss each other a lot when they were away, and aside from Amanda's schooling there was really nothing keeping them in Washington. And since Summer Break had already started, moving would be less of an inconvenience. Still, there were many things to consider and they hadn't even found a potential property yet. The decision would take some negotiating. "You'll talk to Alex and Walter as soon as you get home, right?" "Well, maybe not right when I get home...it will be the crack of dawn, Lindy. But I will discuss it with them, and I'm sure they'll have some questions of their own. Right now I'm mostly concerned about Amanda. I don't really like the idea of pulling her away from her friends." "Wouldn't she be changing schools anyway?" Nate asked. "What grade is she starting next year?" "She's starting high school this fall, so it might be an ideal time to move." A voice came over the speakers, announcing that Jess's flight was boarding. She gave both Nate and Lindy a hug. "You take care of yourselves. I'll call you when I get home." "Okay. Bye Mom!" They all waived as she headed down gateway. Nate and Lindy waited for a moment, making sure she got on the plane safely, before turning around and heading back the way they came. There were in somewhat of a hurry, making sure that Lindy's Jetta wouldn't be torn apart by the time they got back to it. Without a pet carrier, Petunia was supposedly waiting patiently in the back seat. "I hope she hasn't peed on anything," Nate muttered. From the airport, they'd be taking the drive south to Mack and Chandra's farm, where Petunia would be able to run free, peeing on whatever caught her fancy. "You do remember how to get there, don't you?" "Yeah. It's just off the freeway. I could drive there blindfolded." Nate laughed. "Please don't. That's one risk I don't want to take." Lindy frowned. "You're no fun." She opened the door to their car. "I think we lucked out. I don't smell anything. But that soda we left in the car is half gone." She looked at Petunia, who was wagging her tail at her. "I thought you were going to behave." Guiltless, Petunia scrambled over the center console to stand on Lindy's seat, waiting expectantly to be petted. Sighing, Lindy gave her a rub between the ears before picking her up and moving her to the backseat again. "Pushover," Nate said, as he opened his door and sat down in the passenger's seat. "As if you aren't," She retorted. Starting the car and shutting the door, she pulled out of the parking space and headed towards the freeway. "So, do you think Mom really liked the idea?" "I think so. Although I'm not so sure the rest of the family will be excited about moving." Trying to be stealthy as her eyes were focused on the road, he reached back and scratched Petunia's back. Hiding a smile when the dog turned its head to lick his wrist. "We should probably start checking out real estate listings in case they say yes." "And what if they don't say yes? I still like the idea of us having a place in the country with horses. Although that means I'll have to learn to ride." "Well, you've got a willing teacher here. Maybe we should ask Mack and Chandra if they know of any ranches up for sale." The rest of the ride to Morgan Hill was spent trading ideas of what they would and wouldn't like for a home away from the city. "And we'll have to get a satellite dish," Nate was saying when they pulled into the long driveway of Mack and Chandra's horse farm, Clover Run. "One of the ones that can do internet access too." "Of course. A big pool would be nice too. Heated, for night time use," she said, grinning. Nate was suddenly a bit distracted by the surroundings. In the field to the right, spanning from the barn all the way to the road beyond, a tall brown-haired man and a shorter, smaller rider were exercising a caramel-colored stud. The horse had lean, rippling muscles, and trotted gracefully, its head held high, as if royalty. It was probably treated as such. Hearing the car pull to a stop, the taller man glanced over at them and waved. Nate waved back, although he had no idea who the guy was. "I take it that's Mack?" Lindy nodded, turning to clip the leash on Petunia. "Yes. If we get horses, he's the guy we'd want to train them...although I bet he charges a fortune." "Hmm." Still watching the horse, Nate said, "You know, I've heard they put race horses to sleep when they've outlasted their usefulness. We might want to adopt one or two of those." "Sounds like a good idea." She got out of the car and started towards Mack, Petunia straining on the leash. Nathaniel quickly caught up with her. He was a little uncertain. After all, this man was Anton's best friend, and who knows what Anton had told him. Lindy, however, seemed unconcerned. "Hey, Mack. How are things going?" she said, taking Nate's hand in her own. "It's been interesting," Mack said, walking towards the gate. Once there, he propped his boot up on one of crossbars and crossed his arms over the top. "First my dad dies, and then we come home to find somebody's been in our barn." "Your dad died? I'm sorry to hear that." He puffed out a laugh. "I'm not. I'm more concerned about my mother, now. She's living all alone and we're going to have to decide whether she can go on living there or needs to go to a home. It was a rough week." She frowned. "Couldn't she live here with you?" "No, she doesn't want to leave Florida." He shook his head, running his hand over his hair. "We'll figure something out." Glancing to the right, he said, "I take it you're Nathaniel?" Nate nodded, clearing his throat a bit. "It's nice to meet you." Mack nodded, extending his hand, but the handshake didn't last long. And he'd been carefully watching Nate since the car pulled into the drive. "I can't say I've heard the greatest things about you, Nathaniel...then again, we are talking about Anton. Just about the stubbornest hardass you'll ever meet." He laughed at that. "Seems like you've got the women on your side, though." "Yeah. I guess I lucked out as far as that goes." "And don't you forget it, Nate," Lindy laughed. She offered the leash to Mack. "Here, it's your turn to take care of this little terror." She looked around, taking a deep breath. She could smell horses and humans, but there was something else in the air that she could almost identify. "So where's Chandra?" Mack shook his head as Petunia started gnawing on the tip of his boot. "She's in the house. In fact, she was glad you were coming tonight. You might be able to help her." "Help her?" "Yeah. It has to do with the break-in we had. We've got a visitor." He laughed slightly at her baffled expression. "You'll see soon enough. Tell her Sonny and I will be done in about twenty minutes." "All right," she said, still frowning. Turning around and heading towards the house, she glanced at Nate. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" "No, I guess not." Nate sounded a little uncertain as they headed towards the main house. "I guess I was expecting him to automatically take Anton's side." Lindy squeezed his hand. "Mack's a good guy. He likes to make his own decisions about people." Lindy opened the screen door and called into the house. "Chandra? You in there?" "Come on in, Lindy. I can't tell you how glad I'm to see you." Lindy opened the door, noting the semi-familiar scent got stronger still. "Mack said to say he and Sonny will be done in about 20 minutes." Chandra wasn't in the living room. "So you going to come out here and meet my husband anytime soon?" "Actually, it might be easier if you two come in here," she called out. "I'm in the bedroom." Cocking an eyebrow at Nate, Lindy led him through the house and into the large bedroom facing the back pasture. It was fairly dark in the room now that it was night, but even so the curtains were drawn and only a single lamp glowed beside the bed. Sitting on the bed, Chandra looked up as they entered and smiled. Looking a bit frazzled, she gestured for them to take a seat on the bed...all the while trying not to displace the baby she was bottle-feeding on her lap. Lindy felt a little shocked, sitting down even as Nate remained standing. "It can't have been *that long* since I saw you last, Chandra." Laughing slightly, tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ear, Chandra said, "No, of course not. He's not mine. In fact, I'm not quite sure what we're going to do with him." "Do with him?" The smell was much stronger here, and although it was laced with the scent of full diapers, Lindy could've sworn there was a slightly canine quality to it. "Where are his parents?" "Oh, I see Mack was being his charming self and neglected to tell you the details." Looking down at the baby, Chandra sighed. "This little stinker was waiting for us in the barn, last night. We think his mother was the one who broke in and left him there." "My God. Why would anyone do that to their baby?" "Actually, Lindy, 'pup' would be more accurate. He looked like a puff ball, covered with soft fur when we found him. He's a werewolf." "No way," Nate said, leaning in for a closer look. Lindy swallowed. Other than her family and the werewolf that Changed her, she hadn't come across any others. Jess had searched for others on and off for most of her adult life for other werewolves without success, and the few she had found they were better off not knowing. Lindy had started to believe that maybe they were the last of their kind. It was exciting and not a bit of a relief to find out she was wrong. "May I hold him?" Chandra passed the baby over, and Lindy cradled him close, studying the bright blue eyes intently. If not for his odd smell, and Chandra's words, she would have thought the brown haired baby was human. "Was there any sign of the mother anywhere?" "Other than the claw marks all over the back door of the barn, no. But our dogs were all acting a little strange when we came home, and they're too well behaved to destroy things." Chandra crossed her legs on the bed. "Honestly, it scared me. I was expecting to turn around and see a growling wolf behind me. I wouldn't let Mack leave my side. But once I got him in the house, I could hear him better." "Hear him better?" Nate asked. Although slightly distracted, Lindy said, "Chandra can hear animals. What they're thinking." Turning her attention back to the other woman, she asked, "What did you hear?" "He wasn't speaking, of course. He's probably too young. But he didn't seem to understand anything I was saying, either. He's not deaf...it's almost as if English is completely foreign to him." Lindy gently stroked the baby's cheek. "Like English is foreign to him?" She frowned, thoughtfully. "Has there been any sign of wolves or coyotes around before this?" Chandra shook her head once. "Not a one. Would you like to see where I found him?" "Please." Getting up from the bed, Chandra shook her head. "I'm sorry, I've been so busy talking that I didn't even think to welcome you. It's so nice to meet you, Nathaniel." Shaking her hand, he smiled. "That's all right. I was distracted right along with you." He allowed Chandra to pass him, letting her lead the way to the barn. Following along behind her, Nate put his arm around Lindy. "You look pretty good holding a baby." She gave him a soft smile. "You wouldn't say that if you'd noticed I'm shaking like a leaf. I can't believe he's a werewolf, Nate. I never thought I'd meet another one outside of my family." Pulling her tighter against him, he dropped his hand down from her shoulder and stroked the baby's forehead with his thumb. He had lowered his voice considerably as he said, "You know what, gorgeous? I don't think you have." She looked up at him, obviously confused. "I haven't?" "I think we need to talk about this privately, Lind. Just keep walking." Lindy arched an eyebrow at him, but continued following Chandra into the barn. Lindy noted the deep scratches made on the outside door before she passed through it. Chandra pointed to the stall the furthest from the door. "He was left over there in that empty stall." "Have you cleaned it up or anything?" Chandra shook her head, and Lindy passed the baby to Nate. She walked down to the stall, breathing deeply. She could smell horses all around her, several humans, and what she now knew to be the baby's scent. But there was one other scent, similar to the baby's, and that was the one she concentrated on. After several minutes, she walked back to where the others were waiting. "Well?" Chandra asked. Lindy looked troubled. "I don't think you'll have to worry about the mother showing up again. From what I can tell, she smells old and sick. The only reasons I know of for a mother wolf to abandon her pups is that there's either something wrong with the pup and it's going to die, or there's something wrong with her. I think she left him here knowing he'd be safe until someone found him. Now where the rest of the pack is, or if she was a lone wolf, I can't tell." She looked thoughtfully out the door. "If we're really curious, I could probably Change and track her, but I'm not sure that would do any good. It smells like she was dying, and she knew it." Chandra sighed. "I suspected as much. Now the question is what to do. Mack and I are busy enough with the horses, not the mention the dogs. We have the money, that's not a problem, but our whole lifestyle would have to change. And I don't even know what the restrictions for adoption would be, given that we're not married." She leaned back against the wall, crossing her arms and licking her lips. "I know this is a lot to ask, but given your lupine connection to the baby...well, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind fostering the baby until I can find him a permanent home?" "Can Nate and I have a moment alone?" Lindy asked. Chandra nodded and walked down to the other end of the barn. "Nate, what do you think?" "You tell me first." Lindy took a deep breath. "I want to do it. I know it's a major lifestyle change, but he's going to need help. He can't be raised by humans - there's too many things that he needs a werewolf to mentor him in. And if you'll agree, I think I'd like to try it as a permanent situation. It might be my only chance at being a mother. But there is one problem." "What's that Lind?" "I'll have to stay a werewolf longer than we thought. You won't be able to Transform me any time soon." He let out a deep sigh, sitting down on a nearby bale of hay. He glanced down momentary at the baby, who was busily sucking on his finger, before looking back to Lindy. "I really don't like the idea of waiting to Transform you, Lind...especially now, with Natasha lurking around. In which case, I'd like to start looking for property right away. With a couple of guards until we can get a good security system set up. And it looks like we're going to have to childproof the place, too." "Is that a yes?" A wide grin crept across his face. "Yeah, baby, that's a yes." Lindy gave out a little squeal, smiling ear to ear. She sat down on the hay bale beside him, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, Nathaniel." Leaning her head on his shoulder, she looked at the baby, thinking for a moment. "You know, if my family does move out here, I could be Transformed while Jess, Alex, and Walter teach him what he needs to know. And if you want the house wired, ask Alex and Walter. Between the two of them, they could probably build a security system that would give Fort Knox a run for its money." He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer. "Well, we need to hear from them first. And I hate to tell you this, but we can't take him home right now. We need to get a car seat...not to mention a crib, some clothes, diapers...woo, definitely diapers..." She giggled, but quickly became serious. "When can we take him home?" He thought about it for a minute. "If we can find a store that's open, maybe later tonight." He cocked an eyebrow at her. "I suppose you want to stay here with him, and have me go?" "If you don't mind, Nate. But first we need to talk to Chandra and Mack about him. Actually, it might be easier if we let them take care of him tonight, and come back and pick him up tomorrow." She stroked the baby's cheek gently. "What are we going to call him?" "I honestly have no clue. Petunia is already taken." She rolled her eyes, shaking her head as he laughed at his own joke. "Try picking one that's not a girl's name...or a dog's." "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?" "Nate!" "That's my name, too." He grinned. "All right, calm down." He turned the baby on his lap, lying him vertically with his head just below Nate's knees. Staring down at the little scrunched up face, he said, "He looks like a Jack, or Harry...or maybe William." "William? But it seems like every little boy is named Billy." Nate's gaze suddenly shot to hers in revelation. "I know what we'll name him. William Hayden Adrik...and we'll call him Liam." "Liam," she repeated softly. "It's perfect." They had finished the driving tour of London on the double-decker bus. Bryn had been impressed by the narrow streets and old architecture, although it was not so old to Anton's eyes. Half way through the tour, he noticed his hands were slightly trembling. He knew he would have to feed sometime soon, but had hoped to push it until he could slip away from Bryn for a while. But it was becoming clear to him that waiting for him to be alone may not be an option soon. [It's not like she hasn't seen you do it,] he thought, remembering the night back in Baltimore. [But she's never seen you hunt. She may not like what she sees.] Busily searching through paint colors at the art supply store, Bryn didn't even seem to notice his agitation. She was in her own little world, and he was gazing at everyone walking past like Grade-A raw meat. "Anton, come here a minute." She waited patiently with a few paint tubes in her hand, watching as he paced back towards her. Once he was standing still, or at least as still as he could get, she held the tubes up next to his face, glancing between them. "I can't decide between Burnt Sienna and Coffee Bean...seems to be a little of each. I'll get both." "What for?" he asked, even as he started pacing once more. "You'll see." She was quiet for a moment. "Why are you so jittery?" He looked around the store. There were entirely too many people around for him to feel comfortable speaking freely. "I'm a bit hungry, my dear." Sabryn shrugged, not quite following. "So we'll go get something to eat." "It's not that simple, Bryn." "Oh." She lowered her voice a bit as she said, "When was the last time you fed?" "Too long ago." She swallowed. "All right. Go ahead and go. I'll pay for this and then I'll find you." He nodded, hoping she would take longer at the register so he could be done by the time she found him. "I'll be close by." Watching him hurry out of the store, Bryn bit her lip. The paints could wait...this was her chance, to see him feed again. She'd asked him once if she could, hoping it wouldn't bother her nearly as much as it had in Baltimore, but he'd never given her an answer. Now, he couldn't possibly refuse. Putting the paints back into the bins, she dodged past the other customers and followed her husband. The fresh air outside made him feel minimally better, but he wouldn't be back to one hundred percent until he fed. He walked rapidly down the street, searching. The further he got away from the stores, the fewer people he saw. However he was aware that someone was now following him, walking when he did, and stopping just after he did. Under the pretense of a little window shopping, he looked into a window's reflection to see what was behind him without turning around. The young man trailing him was a type he had encountered many times before - a petty thief and pickpocket who survived off of the money of tourists. And apparently he had been selected as the mark for the evening. Little did he know that hunter had become hunted. He resumed walking slowly, looking around aimlessly, playing the tourist who was too interested in the surrounding buildings to notice his surroundings. He listened intently, hearing his prey draw closer. It was almost a relief when he felt the knife in his back. "Just hand over your wallet," he heard a voice grate in his ear, "and nobody gets hurt." Slowly he reached into his pocket. Feigning nervousness, and with a shakiness he didn't have to fake, he held up the wallet and dropped it before he could hand it over. He heard the would-be thief swear and dive for the wallet on the ground. This was the moment Anton was waiting for. In a move almost too fast for human eyes to follow, he spun around so he was now behind his attacker. Grabbing his prey's arm, he manhandled him into a dark alley. Shaking with fear, Sabryn stood frozen on the sidewalk Anton had just departed. She glanced around at the road to see if anyone was watching...luckily, only a few people looked over curiously, but not wanting to be involved in a confrontation, they hurried on their way. Just in case, she waited a few extra seconds more before stepping towards the alley. Grit and rocks crunched under her boots, but didn't mask the sound of a scuffle in the alleyway. She swallowed heavily before rounding the corner and moving closer to the shadows. She couldn't control her trembling. She wasn't sure there would ever be a time she didn't fear Anton in his most primitive form. He looked taller, stronger, and so unbelievably dangerous. Like a rogue lion on the prowl. Desperate, almost rabid in his need. And that darkness, the single-minded intensity of it, scared her to death. She wasn't quite sure he wouldn't turn on her before he could control himself. With a snarl, Anton pushed his prey against the wall. Ignoring the man's protest, he grabbed his prey's hair, jerking his head back. The moonlight gleamed off his fangs... His strike was swift and sure, puncturing the carotid artery. Shifting his hand across the wide-open mouth to muffle any cries, he drank, slaking his thirst. The would-be thief convulsed in his arms in a vain attempt to get away. But his struggles grew progressively and progressively weaker. The body sagged against him, and he heard the death rattle from his prey. Anton pulled away finally. He lowered the body to the ground, and then straightened up, taking a deep breath. He could feel the fresh blood coursing through him, rejuvenating him. Making sure he had his real wallet, and not the fake one he carried as a lure, he turned to walk back to the art supply store, intent now on finding Bryn. He didn't have to go far. Standing in the middle of the alley, directly in front of him, she blinked a few times, gazing at the man on the ground. She had a sorrowful look on her face as she looked up at Anton, and she swallowed heavily before stepping past him. Confused as to what she was doing, he watched her kneel down next to the dead man and check his pulse. When she was satisfied that he was truly gone, she reached up and closed his lifeless eyes. "Say a prayer, Anton." When he stared blankly back at her, she lowered her gaze but not her voice. "This man just saved your life. The least you can do is say thank you." "What makes you think I haven't already, Bryn? And what makes you think that God would hear my prayers?" He shook his head. "I don't torture my victims, or torment them like other vampires I could name. But they end up the same. I kill them, Bryn. Why would God hear the prayers of a murderer?" She turned around and stared at him, her eyes narrowing. "Sometimes you really piss me off, you know that? You couldn't possibly do what I asked...no, you have to argue about it, because God forbid that Anton Mikhail Rudenko ever do something the easy way. You fight it every step of the way because you're a stubborn, arrogant jackass." Standing up and brushing the dirt off of her knees, she walked right past him and kept on going. She wasn't about to say a damned word to him about following her...he would do the exact opposite anyway. [Let him stand there all night. I don't give a damn.] [She's right you know. You could have humored her, but no, you had to try to make a theological point.] Anton heaved a sigh before following Sabryn out of the alley. "Bryn, I'm sorry." She didn't even bother to stop or turn around. "Go tell it to someone who cares...wait, I forgot, he's not listening." That stung. [Why is it that every time she watches me feed, we end up fighting?] Feeling that no matter what choice he made he'd be blamed for, he held his tongue as he fell into step besides Bryn. She glanced up at him, frowning, but kept on walking. She wanted to smack him. She wasn't quite sure why, but she wanted a fight. She was keyed up, jumpy with adrenaline, and angry...and it wasn't until she realized just how angry she was that she realized what the problem was. She was emulating him. Acting like an exact replica of what she'd seen only moments ago. As if hoping it would shock him or something. Obviously, it wasn't working. And it seemed rather pointless anyway, given that the moment was over. Slowing her steps somewhat, she pulled in successively large amounts of air as she willed her heart beat to return to normal. [You're not angry at him, damn it. You're angry at the situation...which he has absolutely no control over. So stop throwing your little tantrum and do something about it.] With one more deep breath, she silently slipped her hand in his, tangling with his fingers, and tightened her grip. He squeezed back, releasing the tension he didn't realize he was carrying in his shoulders. Anton took a deep breath. "So how much of it did you see?" "All of it." "And? What did you think?" She stopped walking, halting him as well. "Honestly, it scared me." She swallowed. "I don't know if you've ever seen what you look like when you're about to attack, but it's...it's like some demon crawls inside of you. And for a minute or two, you don't look like the same person." She looked up at him, seeing the shameful look on his face. "Maybe it's just because I haven't seen you that way very often. It's shocking." She reached up and touched his face, cradling his jaw in her hand. "But it's my problem, not yours. I just need some time to get used to it. It would probably help me if you didn't hide it from me. If you treat it like something you need to sneak around and keep secret from me...I know this sounds stupid, but it almost feels like a betrayal. Like you don't trust me enough to be able to handle it. You're my husband, Anton. And we don't keep secrets from each other." Anton reached up and squeezed the hand caressing his jaw. "That's more than fair, Bryn. I'm just not used to having it out in the open. But I want you to know one thing. As seemingly out of control I get, I will never attack you, Bryn." She smiled at him, lifting up onto her tiptoes to kiss his mouth. "When feeding, that's very reassuring...otherwise, feel free to attack me all you want." End Chapter Thirty <- Previous Chapter | Home | Next Chapter ->