Chapter Thirty-two

They had ended up at the BMW dealership on Auto Row. Nate's Viper, while a sleek, sexy car, wasn't exactly built for driving the family around. So they had decided to get a new car.

Lindy had to smile as she saw Nate looking at a green M3 Coupe. Liam now was almost inseparable from Nate. At the moment, he was resting in a backpack style baby carrier, looking around and 'talking' to everyone that passed even near.

Although Nate looked at other models and other colors, his eyes always strayed back to that same coupe. The salesman, although dressed nicer than most, and seemingly less creepy, stayed put right at Nathaniel's heels, ready to answer any question he might have. After a long debate over safety issues and amenities, he glanced at Liam in reflection on the window.

"What do you think, Buddy? Does it pass your inspection?" Just happy to have someone talking to him, Liam grinned. Smiling back, Nate then turned to the salesman. "I think you've got a sale. What kind of a deal can I get for paying cash?"

The man brightened up immediately and started heading towards the showroom. "Let's talk to my boss, and we'll see."

Following at a leisurely pace, Nate put his arm around Lindy. "I'm sorry, I didn't even ask you. Does it meet your inspection, Lind?"

"It's beautiful," she said, nodding. "You're paying cash? Isn't that an awful lot of money?"

"I can afford it. Now, what about you?" At her confused look, he nodded towards the Jetta they'd arrived in. "You've already got a family car to drive. Why not look for something sportier? I noticed they have a couple of nice convertibles inside."

Lindy looked a little uncertain. "You sure about that? I mean you're already paying cash for one car--"

"Lind, it's not a problem. Trust me, we can afford it."

She shifted on her feet a little uncertainly. The Jetta hadn't been new when she got it, but it had been the first thing she had bought on her own. She was having a hard time with the thought of having to give it up.

"What's the problem?" he asked.

"I just...I bought that car myself."

"And what about it? I didn't say you had to sell it. I just thought you might like something else, too." He leaned over and kissed her temple before opening the door for her. Once she'd stepped inside the showroom, he said, "Why don't you go take a look at them. If you don't see anything you like, that's fine. But if you do, let me know. I don't like being the only one getting a fancy new toy. Makes me feel selfish." He grinned at her, steering her towards the cars. Motioning for her to take Liam from his back, he then slipped off the carrier. "I'm going to see what kind of deal I can work out. Come find me when you're ready."

"Okay." She put on the carrier and Nate placed Liam in it before walking off in the direction of the salesman. Liam began playing with her long hair. She walked past several cars, uninterested and trying to keep her son from creating a bald spot. Then she saw the Z3 Roadster 3.0i. [Wow.]

She looked at the car, reading over it's features. [Oh man, I'm in trouble. I really like this car.] But the frugal part of her hesitated. She hadn't grown up hurting for money, but at the same time, her family never had the wherewithal to just walk into a BMW dealership and buy a car with cash, let alone two.

She stood there for a long time, weighing the pros and cons, not really getting anywhere. It wasn't until Nate walked up behind her and tickled her sides that she so much as moved. She let out a little squeak, turning around to face him. She gave him a light smack on his stomach before crossing her arms.

"Are you done already?"

Still smiling, he shook his head and pulled a pop can from behind his back. "Thought you and Liam might be thirsty."

"Thank you," she said, softly, taking the 7-Up. "What are you doing out here if you're not done?"

He leaned back on the car behind him. "I'm waiting to see if you've decided anything yet. I see you've found one you like...right?"

"Yeah. I'm just not sure if we should get it or not."

"Why not, gorgeous?"

Liam yanked Lindy's hair again. She winced and gently tried to get him to let go. "I know that we've got the money and can afford it, Nate. But for some reason I can't get over how much it costs. I mean, we're already getting a new one, and there's nothing wrong with my car."

It was his turn to cross his arms. "You know, I give over twelve thousand dollars to various charities throughout the year. I've lived rather modestly in the past and have only bought myself a few rare toys when I've done something I was proud of."

She opened her mouth, but he put his hand up before she could speak.

"I have a lot of money, probably enough to put me among the top ten richest men in America, but no one knows that because I keep my assets in several different places and I don't flaunt it. I never had a reason to. But now I have a beautiful wife and an amazing son. Is it so wrong of me to want to buy you the best of everything, because you've made me so happy? It's not going to change who I am, and I'm pretty damned sure it won't change you either. So why not enjoy it?"

Lindy bit her lip, still undecided. "Gorgeous, you deserve this," Nate said. "Please, let me give it to you."

Lindy took a deep breath. "Blue."

"Blue?"

She gestured at the car. "This one's black, and I like the metallic blue better."

He laughed. "Whatever you want, baby."

Walking over to her, he cradled her face as he bent down to kiss her. Liam made a high-pitched squealing sound, reaching out for his Daddy. With one last smooch on her lips, he straightened up and pulled Liam out of the carrier.

"Come on, Buddy. Mommy's chariot awaits."

They passed through the gate of the Pere Lachaise Cemetery quietly, much as they had in England. This time they carried white lilies instead of white roses. Silently they passed by several crypts, including the famous one of Jim Morrison. Anton led Sabryn back to the older part of the cemetery.

The headstone here was also in a state of disrepair, Anton noted. He took a deep breath and squeezed Bryn's hand, reading the date.

Diane Rudenko - 1690

This time Bryn wasn't quite so distant or reserved. Feeling a little more comfortable dealing with his past, she let go of his hand and sat down Indian- style on the ground. She was quiet for a moment, diligently removing weeds from in front of the marker. A smaller patch of tiny purple flowers were growing beneath the taller weeds, and she let those stay. The others she dumped in a clump on the path next to her. Finally, the grave looked well-kept despite its crumbled face.

Reaching for his hand, she said, "Sit down. It's nice here."

He sat down cross-legged as well, shoulder to shoulder with her. He leaned forward and placed the flowers over the grave. Anton put one arm around Bryn and took another deep breath.

"Diane was one of the ladies-in-waiting to Maria Theresa Infanta, queen of Louis XIV. We met in his court. We spent most of the evening on opposite sides of the room, harmlessly flirting at a distance. Or at least I thought it was harmless flirting, until she lured me outside the main hall alone. She kissed me without even knowing my name."

Bryn grinned at him. "I find it hard to believe that you have that affect on women."

Anton smiled, shaking his head. He then looked up at the starry night. "She had this cinnamon red hair that curled naturally, pale green eyes, and a dusting of freckles. In those days, I lived for her dimpled smile. We had so little time together, even for a mortal lifespan."

"What happened to her?"

"She grew ill. Her appetite slowly wilted to nothing. I wouldn't realize until later that it was some sort of aggressive cancer of the stomach or intestines. All I know is that I lost her day by day over a period of a year. It wasn't nearly enough time to tell ma jolie fille of 29 years goodbye." He leaned forward and placed his palm flat on the grave, eyes closed.

Wrapping her arms around his waist, Bryn laid her head on Anton's shoulder, trying not to intrude but offering support just the same. She was quiet, her eyes closed, at total peace...until the little hairs on the back of her neck starting standing up. She opened her eyes and glanced at Anton. His eyes were still closed. Glancing around them, thinking someone might have just walked by, she didn't see anyone. The place was deserted, save themselves. Still, she couldn't help an uneasy feeling. As if they were being watched. And considering Natasha's venomous hatred, that made her more than a little nervous.

Swallowing heavily, she rested her head on his shoulder once more. Silently listening to his breathing.

He sat there for several minutes, silently meditating on the memory of his beloved Diane. Eventually he sat back up. squeezing the arm around Bryn. He wiped at the tears falling with the handkerchief Bryn handed him. With one last look at the gave, he stood up. "Let's go back to the apartment, Bryn."

She nodded, accepting a hand up from him. Sensing that he wouldn't say anything more, or at least not here, she raised his hand to her lips, kissing it lightly. Anton smiled and squeezed her hand. Still connected, they left the cemetery and returned to his apartment.

They were both quiet on the walk back, and equally so after they entered the posh apartment. Although this home was smaller, and didn't have servants anymore, it was still as lavish and beautiful as his other homes. And looking around the pretty sitting room, she couldn't imagine him only spending thirty years of happiness here. He'd walked back towards the bedrooms, shucking off his coat along the way, but she stayed put where she was. Waiting for him to return.

When he finally did, wondering why she hadn't joined him, she didn't say a word. Just held out her hand for him. Frowning slightly, he took it, stepping over to where she stood, allowing her to pull him into her arms. She held on to him tightly, swaying slightly back and forth, rubbing up and down his back.

"I'm sorry, Anton," she said, her eyes slightly misty. "I'm sorry you didn't have more time with her."

He stared at her silently for a moment, before bending slightly and pressing his face against the side of her neck. She felt him shudder, tears wetting her skin. And she held him that way for a long time, her arms reaching up to hold his shoulders from behind, her lips pressing kisses against his hair. Aching for him.

Eventually he straightened back up. Anton kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger over her skin. "Thank you for understanding, Bryn."

Bryn gently took his hand and raised it to her lips. "Let's go to bed, Anton." With a gentle tug, she guided him to the bedroom. Once there, she made him sit down on the bed and slowly started unbuttoning his shirt.

She pushed him back on the bed, crawling on top of him, kissing him slowly. Her fingers threaded through his hair, and she lifted her mouth to kiss his closed eyes. She looked down at him, smiling gently. Even vulnerable, he was so beautiful. And it made her want to hold him so tightly he'd never be able to escape. Tracing her finger over his bottom lip, she balanced herself on her elbow.

"What do you want me to do to you, sugar? I'll do anything you want. This is your call."

He raised a hand to stroke through her hair. "I just want you to make love to me tonight, Bryn."

"Okay." She bent to kiss his mouth again. He wrapped his arms tight around her back, pulling her full length against his body. His hands slipped up and down her back, then started to tug her T-shirt over her head.

She sat up momentarily, pulling the T-shirt off of her arms and over her head. Her hair spilled down her back, loose and slightly wavy, resting about five inches above her waist. She wore a white cotton bra and panties, larger than her usual bikinis, with elastic on her panties and red shorts to accommodate her stomach. Soon enough, she wouldn't fit into any of these clothes anymore. And she couldn't help but smile at the thought, looking deeply into his eyes. One of these days, he wouldn't have to weep for what he'd lost. He'd be too busy marveling over all he'd gained.

Unhooking her bra, she flung it on the floor and bent down to kiss and lick his chest. Now wasn't time to gloat over what she was able to give him as his wife. This was his time, soothing his aching heart, and she wouldn't do anything to lessen or diminish his beautiful memories of Diane.

Anton moaned, arching up into Bryn. "Please, my dear," he whispered as her tongue circled a peaked nipple. He sighed contentedly when she began toying with the fly of his jeans, slowly lowering the zipper. He couldn't help the thrust his hips gave when she slid her hand inside his boxers, gently squeezing his cock.

Scooting down on the bed, she removed his shoes and socks before tugging down his jeans and boxers as well. Settling down on the bed, lying her head on his stomach, she blew softly through his pubic hair, smirking when he twitched beneath her. Gently easing his cock towards her, she pulled him into her mouth, lazily suckling upon him like an infant at its mother's breast just before falling to sleep. She kept her cheek pressed to his abdomen, feeling his breathing change, lightly cupping his balls and brushing over the little hairs with her thumb.

He let out another moan, hand caressing the back of her head. His head tilted back as she continued to suck him and her hand strayed down to stroke his perineum. His breathing became more and more ragged as her strokes came closer to his anus. "Bryn, please." He couldn't help the little sigh he gave when she released his cock to look at him. "I need you."

Bryn nodded. She shifted around so he could slip her panties off, and then straddled Anton. Slowly she lowered herself onto his cock. Anton moaned softly, running his hands over her breasts and belly, a look of reverent awe on his face.

She braced her hands on his upper arms, using her thumbs to brush his nipples in time with each stroke. She tilted her hips forward a bit, rocking backwards as she moved up, tilting again as she sank onto him once more, gripping him tightly with every move she made. She had to concentrate to keep her muscles squeezed, but it was worth it. Not only was his face a mask of almost pained pleasure, but it was feeling pretty damned good to her too. She let her head fall forward, her hair spilling over his chest, moaning as he lifted his hips beneath her. She was starting to quiver from the strain, but she wasn't going to stop until she made him cum. Even if she collapsed in the process.

He couldn't seem to get enough oxygen. One hand slid up to brush her hair to one side, so he could see her face, the other settling on her waist. She was so hot, so slick and he couldn't hold back. With one arch that lifted Bryn an inch off the bed, he erupted inside of her.

She out a little squeak, feeling him press so deeply inside of her, her knees leaving the bed, and when she finally released her vicious grip on his cock, her muscles cramped in protest. Biting her tongue, she let him slide out of her before lowering herself down onto his chest. Although not quite sated, she was worn out and tired. And given how warm he was, she felt drowsy as his heartbeat and breathing slowed. She hoped he didn't mind her lying there, because if he wanted her to move he'd have to do it himself.

His breathing slowly returned to normal. Gently he stroked her hair, trying to center himself. He focused on Bryn's warm weight on his torso. "Bryn?"

"Yes, sugar?" came floating from somewhere by his right nipple.

"Did you cum?" He could feel her stroking his chest and shake her head against him. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She continued to lazily stroke his chest, occasionally kissing his skin before moving over a bit. Eventually she managed to slide off of him to lie by his side, but it was only gravity. If she had to move right now, she didn't think she'd have the strength to shake her head no. "I'm a little bit sore anyway. I'll just lay here, and...something."

"Okay." He gently stroked her hair. He couldn't help but feel a little guilty, but he was too exhausted to move beyond caressing her lightly. "Thank you, Bryn. Have I told you how much I love you, my dear?"

"Yes, but you can always repeat it."

"I love you, Bryn. With all my heart and soul."

She closed her eyes and smiled, but only because she didn't want him to see what she was really feeling shining behind her eyes. [Not *all* of your heart, Anton. Not nearly all of it.]

He looked down at her. Bryn looked like she was about to cry. Frowning but not certain what was wrong, he rolled onto his side. "Bryn? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head rapidly, rolling over to face away from him. That was as far as she could manage at the moment. She bit her lip hard, hoping the pain would take her mind off of her thoughts, but it didn't help. Hoping her voice was normal, she said, "Don't worry about it. Go to sleep. It's just hormones."

"No it's not." Gently, he turned her face back to him. "Tell me what it is."

"It's just... something you said."

He nodded. "Go on, Bryn."

She covered her face with her hands, wishing she could sink right through the bed. "It's just the same stupid thing I always freak out about, and you're probably tired of hearing it because I sure know I am. We have this discussion all of the time and it's fine for a little while and then I get upset all over again just because of one little thing you say--"

"What was it I said?"

"That you love me with all of your heart and soul." She shook her head, dropping her hands and staring at the ceiling. "It's just...it's not true, and it can't ever be true because there are so many other women you still love. And I don't have that, so I can't even imagine what it feels like. But I do know what it feels like to be told that, and to know it's not the truth, and to feel...to feel cheated because I really do feel that way about you and you can't ever really feel that way about me. So, it's just something I have to live with. So just--go to sleep and forget about it, because there's nothing you could do to change it anyway."

"Yes there is, Bryn." He gently stroked her cheek. "I didn't realize that it hurt you so when I said it."

"Anton, it's my silly problem."

"No, it's not. What you say is true, and for me the frightening thing is I didn't even realize I was doing it. And because it upsets you so much, I won't say it anymore." He held up one finger. "And I don't want you to feel guilty.

"But I also want you to know this. Of all my wives, you are the only one who I would Transform. You're the one I'm going to spend eternity with. Maybe it's not all my heart and soul, but it's a good percentage of it."

She nodded, her lips quivering. "I know. I just wish there was some way...that you could love me as much as I love you. That you could know what it feels like. My heart feels so full that it's almost painful. And everything I do, every decision I make and every direction I turn, I always think first about what it would mean to you. You're the very first thing I think about in the evening, and the very last thought on my mind when I go to sleep. And I've told myself so many times that you're my soul mate, that I almost believed it...but I know that every other woman you've loved thought that same thing too." She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut and banging her fist against the bed. "I hate myself for doing this to you, for making you feel guilty for the very thing I love so much about you. But I can't seem to stop being so damned selfish. I never thought that I would have to share the man I married with anyone else..."

She stopped abruptly and rolled over onto her side once more, curling into a little ball. She shook with sobs, and it was several long seconds before she could speak again. When she finally did, her nose was so plugged that she was hard to understand.

"I jus' wan'ed to be someone's everything."

He gently stroked her shoulder. "Ah, Bryn. I'm sorry that you've had to carry this alone. You have every right to want me all to yourself. You wouldn't be the woman I fell in love with if you didn't. Do you know what you are to me?"

"What?" Bryn asked, sniffling.

She was surprised when Anton softly began to sing. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, m'dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."

She stared at him, over her shoulder, her eyebrows quivering, before letting out a surprised giggle. She couldn't help but smile, even if it was a shaky one. Rolling over to face him, she pulled him tight against her, tears falling even as she shook with laughter. But even though the laughter didn't last long, so was no longer sobbing. She pressed her face against his neck, shuddering slightly, willing her breathing to slow. Willing her eyes to stop welling with moisture.

"Sing it again, please? I just need to hear it again."

He smiled tenderly at her. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, m'dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." He kissed her forehead. "And that, my dear, is the truth."

She ducked her head, smiling bashfully at him. "Thank you." She snuggled closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder. "Will you hold me extra tight today? Please?"

"Of course, my dear." He wrapped his arms around her growing waist, making sure he pressed against her from groin to shoulder. He felt Bryn sigh with content and nestle in just a bit closer. He made sure she fell asleep before he allowed himself to drift off.

They were sitting in a crayon-colored hell hole. Nate looked around at the walls of the realtor's office, seeing dozens of giraffes, dogs, people, and other indistinguishable figures, all seen from the eyes of a three-year-old. Susie, their real estate agent, beamed when he'd mentioned them, saying her little Brian drew them. She must've kept every single doodle the kid ever made. He shook his head at the enormous amount of pictures.

"So, you wanted to see some large properties, right?"

"Right," he said, his arm resting on the back of Lindy's chair. "We'll most likely be building ourselves, so right now the land is our main priority."

"How much land were you looking for?"

"About 50 acres," Lindy said. "Something with a little variety in the landscape would be good too."

Susie leaned back in her chair. "That's going to take some doing to find. Even with the economic downturn, that much land will still be very expensive. Would you object to something with some preexisting buildings already on it?"

"No, we wouldn't," Nate said. "It might almost be easier to have the plumbing, electricity, and phone lines already on the property. Money is not a problem. I am concerned about building permits, though. We'd like to have three homes built or refurbished on the land, and they'll no doubt be pretty large."

"Will you be reselling them as separate lots?"

He shook his head. "This will be our family home. We just happen to have a lot of family."

"You know, I think I might have just what you want." Susie clicked a few keys on her laptop and then turned it around to show a map of the lower Bay Area on the screen. "These are three adjoining plots by the San Francisco Reservoir, totaling about 48 acres. There's already a house on each plot, not to mention swimming pools, paved roads, easy access to Interstate 280. You could buy all three and we'll make arrangements for you to pay them off under one mortgage. Would something like this interest you?"

Nate glanced at Lindy for a moment, chewing on his lip. Then he looked down at Liam, who was sleeping in his car seat. "Well, it sounds like a nice place and a really good deal, but I think we'd like something a little more secluded. Plus, we'd kind of like to design our own home...or homes. And some forest areas would definitely be good. It doesn't have to be manicured lawns and wrought iron fences. We can always worry about that later." He thought for a moment. "Speaking of forest areas, if you have any properties with a lot of trees, we could always have some of it cleared before building. Might be nice to live under the trees...we're not exactly sun lovers."

Susie nodded. "Okay, let me do a little more searching." She spent about five minutes typing into her laptop. Eventually she did turn laptop back to them. "This is a 52 acre lot just above the Stanford Linear Accelerator. The land is undeveloped and has about 12 acres of wooded area. There is a paved road running through it for access to Highway 280. The only building on it is an old horse stable that has been long abandoned."

"What do you think, Lind? Is that going to be too far for you to drive?"

She took a deep breath. "Well, it's a commute, especially during rush hour. But it sounds like what we were looking for."

He nodded. "Yeah. And after you're tran--uh, later, you won't ever be driving during rush hour anyway." Turning to Susie, he said, "What about the school system there? Is it good?"

"I think, given the location," Susie said, "that children would need to be driven to school, but I might be mistaken. In either case, the school system is top notch. I would be happy to send my son there if I lived in the area."

After looking at Lindy once more, Nate said, "Can we go take a look at it?"

Lindy nodded. "Yeah. I want to see it before we make any decisions, but I'm liking the sound of it."

"Okay." Susie scribbled some notes on a pad of paper. "If you'd like, we can meet there at 11:00 AM tomorrow."

"Um, I'm afraid that's not an option," Nate said. "I've got a medical condition and it needs to be after sundown."

"Oh." She looked a little dumbstruck for a moment, before glancing at her watch. "Well, I'm not sure what you'll be able to see after dark. There aren't a lot of lights out there."

He smiled. "We both have pretty good night vision."

"All right." For an indecisive moment, she glanced at her watch again and then at the phone. "I don't normally do this, but my husband is home so he can watch our son. Just let me give him a call and we'll take a quick look at the property tonight."

"We don't want to inconvenience you..."

"No, it's no problem. I'll just go use the phone at the main desk. Won't be but a few minutes."

She stood up and walked past them, smiling, before disappearing around the corner. Nate laughed, but kept his voice down as he said, "I think she'd just about be willing to fly us to the moon if it meant making this sale. Hopefully she'll find something we like so we're not wasting her time."

"I've driven by SLAC several times. If it's the area I'm thinking of, it will be perfect. It's just at the foot of the Santa Cruz mountains so we'll have both woods and grassland. I just hope Mom convinces Alex and Walter to say yes."

Nate frowned. They still hadn't heard the werewolves' decision yet. "When did they say they'd let us know?"

"I talked to Mom yesterday and they said they'd know tonight. I know she'd like to be back here, but she's also thinking of Walter's and Alex's feelings, and what would be best for Amanda."

"I would think that knowing they don't have to pay a mortgage or property tax ever again would definitely be enough to convince them."

"Yeah, but they have a lot of pride, Nate. This might feel like taking a hand out to them. It's a favor they can't possibly repay, and that makes a lot of people really nervous."

"It's a gift, Lind. Period. I don't want to be repaid in any way other than having them around. That's enough. Knowing that Liam will have his family to turn to, at all times, is more important than any money they could give me."

"Well, hopefully we'll know tonight when we get home."

At that point Susie walked back into the room. "If you're ready, we're all set to go look at the property."

"Yeah, I think we're ready." Nate stood up and picked up Liam's carrier. Lindy took his free hand and they followed the agent outside.

Bryn sat quietly in the sitting room, her knees bent in front of her and her arms wrapped around them, feet bare, staring out the window at the street below. She'd awakened earlier than usual, still feeling unsettled about the night before, and decided to ease her way out of Anton's grip in order to have some time alone. It was frightening acknowledging that she could feel just as lonely with Anton as she could without him. And even more frightening was the prospect of feeling this way for the rest of eternity.

Reaching up to rub her swollen eyes, she was startled to see someone standing in the doorway. She might have calmed down if it had been Anton standing there, but it wasn't. Dressed in a long black dress, one that looked exceedingly prim, the woman looked at her for a long time but said nothing. Bryn was about to ask her if she'd entered the wrong house by mistake, but she remembered that the doors were locked. The woman had to have had a key to enter, and that could only mean that she was the housekeeper.

"You startled me," Bryn said, trying to smile.

The woman surprised her again, by speaking English quite easily. "I did not want to interrupt. You appeared lost."

"No. I, um...I'm Mr. Rudenko's wife."

She stared for a bit more, before nodding once. "But I think you know that is not what I meant."

Bryn glanced down at her knees, not quite comfortable discussing her fears with a total stranger. "I'm just feeling a little depressed. I don't feel comfortable here."

"Comfortable here, or comfortable with him?" The stranger continued when Bryn looked at her sharply. "He can be difficult to love."

"But that's it. I do love him, with everything I am. But..."

"You feel that you cannot have his whole heart, because of his past wives. Because of what he is. Yes, I do know he's a vampire."

Bryn stared at her for a moment, before sighing and returning her gaze to the window. Her voice was quieter as she said, "He'll never love me as much as I love him. Sometimes I think he feels guilty for how much he does love me. Because...I guess he thinks it's not fair to the others."

"It is difficult. Something that all of... his wives have to find their own way of dealing with." The woman took a seat opposite of Bryn. "He does experience what I believe is called... survivor's guilt." The words were spoken as if they were a foreign phrase. "But that is not your fault. If he married you, then he does love you intensely, passionately. Is that not enough?"

Bryn blinked at her. How could she possibly know what Anton felt? She wasn't so sure she knew what he felt, herself. "I thought it was enough, for a while. More than enough. But now I end up crying an average of once a day, and I know it's not hormones. I've haven't felt so alone in almost twenty years." She took a shuddering breath. "I can't live like this much longer. I'll ruin his life right along with mine."

The woman gave her a pitying look. "Then you must first care for yourself before you seek to care for him."

"But that's it. I don't know how." Bryn put her head in her hands, fighting the tears. "I just don't know how."

"Bryn?" She looked up at Anton's voice. "Who are you talking to?"

She frowned at him before glancing back at the woman...who was no longer sitting in the chair. Nor was she anywhere else in the room. Bryn turned and looked behind her, bewildered, before getting u