Chapter Thirty-eight Anton arrived at the emergency room seconds ahead of Nathaniel. Both had received calls about the car accident while the sun was still in the sky. At first he had thought this was some sick joke. But as the caller continued talking, he grew deadly still when he realized that this was no joke. He was heading towards the nurse's station when he heard a voice calling. "Anton! Nathaniel! Over here!" Anton turned to see Alex Krycek making his way towards them. "We've taken over that corner of the waiting room," he said gesturing behind him. "Where are they?" Nathaniel asked. "Lindy's being checked over right now. She's been alert ever since the accident." Anton swallowed. "And Bryn?" Alex seemed reluctant to talk. "She was unconscious when she was brought in. We're waiting to hear from the doctor." He gestured with his head. "C'mon, this way." Numbly, he followed Alex and Nate back into a corner couch where he saw Jess, Walter and Amanda waiting. He wasn't paying too much attention except for the words echoing that Alex had said earlier. "Unconscious.... hear from the doctor..." The moment Nathaniel was close enough to touch, Jess stood up and hugged him. Anton watched his step-brother clinging to her desperately, shuddering slightly. She offered him her seat, moving over to sit next to Walter, but Nathaniel wouldn't budge. "I want to see her." "They aren't letting anyone in yet," Alex said. "My ass. I'm not just sitting here." Nate turned on his heel, heading for the nurse's station. Despite Alex and Walter's attempt to grab him and pull him back, he growled, his eyes flashing and fangs bared, easily shaking them off. The candy-striper sitting behind the desk looked petrified as he loomed over her. "I want to see my wife, now." He hadn't needed to yell. His voice was command enough. The girl shrank back, and one of the older nurses quickly moved forward to take her place. "Sir, you're going to have to sit down and wait." He shot a dirty look at her, then immediately stepped past the desk and through the doors to the emergency ward. He passed a few empty beds before he spotted her in one of the semi-screened off beds. She was sitting up, wearing a hospital gown. A doctor was sealing a cut on her forehead closed with surgical glue and a butterfly bandages. She had a few scratches on her cheek, a black eye, and her hair was a mess. Her left arm was in a sling. He thought she never looked more beautiful. As the doctor removed her arm from the sling to check her wrist, Lindy looked over to the door and saw him standing there. "Nate," she said softly, holding out her hand towards him. He hurried over and took her hand gently, leaning forward to softly kiss her lips. The young physician attending her was surprised to see him there but didn't protest. "How is she?" "Other than her head laceration, and a sprained wrist, she was lucky. She's going to be sore for a while, and we'll need to monitor her for signs of whiplash, but she should be able to go home soon." Nate let out a deep breath of relief and collapsed, sinking down to sit on the bed next to her. "Thank God." He stroked her cheek, his fear and worry still very clear in his gaze. "Can I hug you?" "Yeah, but not too hard," she said. He leaned forward and embraced her, whispering in her ear, "I love you, Lind. You damned near scared the life out of me. Or the death out of me, as the case may be." She let out a small laugh, then winced at the ache in her chest. At his concern, she said, "The seat belt bruised me pretty good. How's Bryn?" "You don't know?" "I haven't seen her since she was removed from the car...she's not--" Nate shook his head. "As far as we know, she's unconscious. They haven't said anything more than that." He ran his thumb over the back of her hand. "I don't want you to worry about anything but yourself and getting better. Leave the rest to someone else, Lind." Lindy frowned. "Can't. There's something about what happened that's bothering me." "Lind, you were just in an accident. That should be bothering you." He leaned forward to whisper in her ear so the doctor couldn't hear. "You didn't 'see' something, did you?" "No. But I'm still worried." Lindy stroked his cheek. "I haven't seen Mom or Alex or Walter yet. Would you let them know I'm okay?" He nodded, stroking her hair. "They're all waiting patiently. I'll go tell them right away." The doctor seemed to agree. "You'll have to go now, sir. We'll be moving her shortly and she can have visitors after that." Nate cleared his throat and nodded again. "I'll be right here, baby. I'm not going anywhere." She gave him a smile as he leaned forward and kissed her forehead, then got up from the bed and reluctantly left the room. Shaking with relief, Nate walked back to the double doors and through them. He passed the disgruntled nurse on the way back to the waiting room, and couldn't help but give her a smug grin. As he neared the others, he stopped beside Anton and put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Lindy's going to be just fine," he said softly, directing the words at her family. "You'll be able to visit her in a few minutes." He smiled at their obvious relief, then turned to Anton. "Any news yet?" "No," Anton said, biting his lip. Jess started to stand up. "I'll go ask the nurse again." "Jess, sit down," Walter said. "You shouldn't be on your feet after that fainting spell." "Fainting spell?" Nate asked. Jess rolled her eyes but sat back down. "I... fainted earlier tonight. About ten minutes before we got the call about the girls." "And until we figure out why, you're not going anywhere," Alex said. "Look guys, I'm fine. I don't think I'm the one we should be worried about right now." She reached over and placed a hand on Anton's shoulder. "How are you holding up?" Anton sighed. "I won't know until I know how she is." "We may not have much longer to wait," Walter said. "Here comes the doctor now." The tall, slightly balding doctor walked towards the waiting room, his scrubs swishing with every move he made. "Is Ms. Rudenko's family here?" Anton stood up and raised his hand slightly, not even aware of how much it was shaking. "I'm her husband." The doctor nodded and pushed his glasses back on the bridge of his nose. "I'm Dr. Green. Why don't you take a seat, Mr. Rudenko." He swallowed heavily. "Just tell me how she is." Green took a deep breath. "Your wife is in stable condition...for the moment." He spoke softly and slowly, almost as if talking to a mentally challenged person. "She suffered extensive injuries from the accident. Most significantly intracranial pressure and a small skull fracture. Normally we would operate in that kind of situation, but because of her condition, and her pregnancy, we'd like to make sure she's a little more stable before continuing. "She also has several lacerations, some broken ribs, and we've intubated her due to a collapsed lung. And we're also monitoring some internal bleeding." Nathaniel, noticing the mute horror on Anton's face, said, "What about the baby?" "I won't lie to you...it doesn't look good. There's been a lot of fetal distress, and even though her fluids haven't ruptured, there is a possibility that her body is under too much stress already. She could spontaneously abort. With or without an operation." Anton's voice was shaking. "Can I see her?" "We're moving her to ICU shortly. Do you know the name of her obstetrician?" "Dr. Anne Leahs," Jess said when Anton didn't respond. "Anton, should we call her family back east?" Anton still didn't respond. He was trying to reconcile the fact that the warm, loving woman he married and was going to give him a child now lay at death's door. "I...I just want to see her." "Okay," Jess looked up at Dr. Green. "You'll notify us when she's ready to be seen?" Dr. Green nodded and Jess continued. "Um, Alex, Walter, why don't you take Amanda home, and get some clothes for Lindy. I'm pretty sure she can't wear what she was earlier. Also see if you can get the number for Bryn's brother and parents. Nate and I will stay here with Anton and let you know if we hear anything." The two men nodded and started heading towards the exit with Amanda in tow. Dr. Green said he'd be back just as soon as he knew anything further and disappeared as well. Looking at his brother, Nate squeezed his shoulder...which had zero effect. Seeing that Anton wasn't about to sit down, Nate walked over to where Jess sat and lowered his voice. "He's gonna lose it." "Stop talking about me like I'm not here," Anton grated out, without looking at them. As if nailed to the floor, he kept his gaze trained on the door, waiting none- too-patiently for the doctor to return. It seemed to take forever. Nathaniel offered to go get him something from the vending machines, but he shook his head. All attempts to get him to relax were met with silence. And when the doctor finally did return, he'd begun to think he never would. "You may see your wife now, Mr. Rudenko." He glanced at the others. "Immediate family only, for now. And only for a short while." He looked apologetic. "If anything develops, we'll let you know as soon as possible." Anton nodded and followed the doctor back past the doors guarded by the nurses. Bryn hadn't been moved yet to the ICU, but instead to a private room until a bed on the other ward opened. He stared in open-mouthed shock at what he saw. Her long hair had been shaved off during the examination of her cranium. She looked deathly pale. A breathing tube protruded from her mouth and was connected to a respirator, it's hiss coldly mechanical in its regularity. Everywhere he looked there seemed to be wires or tubes connecting her to the surrounding machinery - IVs, transfusion equipment, heart monitors, oxygen level monitors, and a fetal monitor. He almost didn't register the abrasions and bruises covering her. This broken doll couldn't be his dear Bryn. Not the woman he made love to early this morning. Not the woman who was so proud of her growing belly. He walked over to the bed, and knelt down beside it, trying to find a place he could kiss her without disturbing anything. Very lightly, he brushed his lips across her jaw line, and one hand carefully took one of hers. "I don't know if you can hear me, Bryn. I'm here, and I love you. And I'll keep my promise to you about Max. But please, don't leave me." He rested his head on the mattress next to her shoulder. "Please Bryn," he said, fighting his tears. "Don't leave me." Even as his vision blurred, he could clearly see she didn't look anything like his wife. Her lush red lips were almost white as they wrapped around the tube in her throat. Her head looked so small shaved clean, heavily bruised on one side. And her hand was cold and limp in his. He wanted to touch her...to rip away the tubes and monitors, and pull her into his arms where she'd be safe and loved. To cradle her stomach in his hand and feel the precious life moving inside of her. But like this, he was almost afraid to touch her lest he make things worse. [You're already my angel, my dear.] His own words echoed in his head, now so near to the truth that he trembled. Finally giving in to the tears that had been threatening to fall. He knelt there and cried for several long minutes. And when he was out of tears, he squeezed her hand gently. "I'll be back, my dear. There's something I have to do." When he went back to Nate and Jess and asked his question, Nate looked at him like he had lost his mind. "I never expected for you to ask for that." Jess didn't make any comments, but it instead asked the staff where it could be found. After getting the instructions, she passed them on to Anton. Now he was at his destination - the hospital chapel. It was deserted at this time of night. Other than the sign on the door and the pews facing a podium surrounded by some potted plants, there were no other overtly religious trappings in the room. Still, it was quiet and secluded, and he could think here. Wearily he took a seat on one of the pews and passed a hand over his face. [How long has it been since I've been in a church seeking religious comfort?] There had been some times on and off over the centuries where he had sought solace, especially after his first four wives died. And then there was the time he had spent in the monastery after his mother died and his father... He shied away from that thought. He didn't want to deal with those memories now. Instead he took a deep breath. Part of him felt silly for even attempting to do this. The older he got, the more agnostic he became. But in times of true crisis, he reverted to the religion Lady Katerina had taught him ever since he could remember. He closed his eyes, and waited for the words to come. But he couldn't do this sitting. With a slight grunt of disgust as he got off the pew and on his knees. He bowed his head, taking on the position of a supplicant. "I don't even know if You exist anymore. And if You do, if You'll even listen to my prayers. "But if You are there, and You are listening, please, do not take her from me. Either of them. I have no right to ask this of You, given what I am and the fact that I have tried to say that You don't exist for the last 800 years. But please, do not take them." He bowed his head lower, tears flowing freely now. "If I have to sacrifice my existence so they live, so be it. I will make that sacrifice willingly." He waited silently for some sign from above that his prayer had been heard. Some sign that a bargain had been struck. But he expected no response, and got none. Still, he was bitterly disappointed, he raised his head and opened his eyes. And discovered he was not alone in the room. She shimmered, radiating light so bright it seemed to pass right through her. Her lips parted into a grin, a smile she saved only for him, and it nearly broke his heart. Wearing the white dress and hat she'd donned in Venice, her hair long and silky down her back, she held the hand of a little boy that looked so much like her...but had his daddy's eyes. A shiver rippled through him as he stared, watching her let go of the boy's hand. He broke into a grin so much like his mother's, running towards Anton on his chubby toddler legs. He opened his arms to hug his father, yet just as he was about to reach him the boy disappeared. The bolt of electricity that shot through Anton stole his breath. He closed his eyes, his whole body so fused with joy and rapture he thought sure he'd explode. He felt light and warmth pass through every inch of his body, melting him, before sifting away like dandelion seeds on the wind. He let out a sob at the sudden emptiness, his body rocking on his feet, and opened his eyes to see nothing but an empty chapel and his own spread arms. He dropped his arms and spun around in a complete circle, almost desperate with the need to prove it was real. Not a dream or hallucination. And although he was still alone, the soft giggle of a child drifted through the room. He reached up and rubbed his face. [Great. Just when Bryn needs me the most, I start hallucinating.] He took one last look around the chapel. [But it felt so damn real.] Still puzzling over what he had just experienced, he started back to Bryn. He noticed a lot of nurses and staff heading in the direction of Bryn's room. And before he got to the room, he could see them wheeling her bed out. He spotted Dr. Green and another scrambling beside the bed, shouting orders. As Anton followed, he found his way blocked by a nurse. "What's happening?" Dr. Green turned back long enough to give a brief explanation. "I'm sorry, Mr. Rudenko, but your wife began crashing. We have to perform surgery on her now. I'm going to have to ask that you wait outside." "What? I want to see her. And what about the baby?" "If we don't operate now, we'll lose both her and the baby. I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask that you wait outside." Numbly he allowed one of the staff to guide him back to where Jess and Nate were waiting. "You look like you've just seen a ghost," Jess said quietly. "I...I think I may have." He didn't tell them about what he'd seen. He brushed Jess and Nate's questions off, telling them he was just stressed. It wasn't far from the truth. He was wound so tight he thought his bones might break. He sank down in a chair further away from the others. He didn't want to shun them, but he needed to be alone right now. To hide the fact that he shivered every time a light breeze hit him from the opening and closing emergency room doors. He closed his eyes briefly, each time wondering if maybe this brush of wind would carry Bryn's spirit right through him like he'd felt with Max. Maybe it had been a hallucination, but he was finding it harder and harder to think so. Somewhere out there his wife and child were hanging in limbo, and part of him was just waiting for the news that they were dead. Every now and then he glanced over to see Jess looking just as jittery and panicked as he felt, and he had to marvel at how much empathy she had. She'd offered to call Walter, to have him stop by the warehouse and pick up some of Anton's things. Instead of letting her go, he asked Nathaniel to make the call instead. Jess didn't look quite well enough to make it to the phone. It felt like several hours later when Walter returned, but it was probably only minutes. He'd packed a soft duffel bag with some clothes for Anton, knowing he wouldn't leave Bryn's side anytime soon...if he could help it. And for when he was waiting impatiently for any news on his wife, he could read one of several books, or Bryn's journal, which Anton had asked for specifically. He began pacing the room sometime after the third hour, prowling like a caged tiger in nervous anticipation. None of the medical staff had so much as said a word to him since she'd entered the operating room. He had no idea just how long he'd have to wait. And just when he wanted to break down and cry, and the others told him to sit down and rest, he felt a renewed surge of energy push through his veins. [I will not give up now. You hear that, damn You? I'm not giving up on her! Don't You dare take them away from me. Not now, not ever. Don't You get it? I'm nothing without her. Please, God, I'm begging You...don't take her away! She saved my life...] Nate and Alex had disappeared about half an hour ago to check in with Jess's brother about Liam and Amanda and to get Lindy checked out. He couldn't help but wonder why Lindy's injuries were so light while Bryn's were so severe. But then hers probably had been severe, but she was healing faster. Still, it was hard not to be jealous. Lindy would be going home tonight. As if in response to his thoughts, he heard a group walking towards him. He looked up, hoping that it was the doctors, coming to tell him about Bryn's status. But it was Nate and Lindy joining the group. Lindy still looked ashen and was shaking as she walked, leaning heavily on Nathaniel. She took one look at Anton and then burst into tears. "My fault," she sobbed. "Your fault?" Anton echoed. Lindy nodded, hiding her head in her hands. "I should have made Bryn take my car. She said the brakes were mushy." She sniffed. "I'm sorry, Anton." He looked at her, and then at Nathaniel. The younger vampire was practically daring him to agree with her. Anton stepped forward and took one of Lindy's hands. "It wasn't your fault, Lindy. If it was the brakes, it would have happened if you were there or not." He pulled Lindy forward into a hug. "I don't blame you, Lindy. And I don't want to hear you blaming yourself either." Still crying, Lindy clung to him. "It was so scary. I saw her stomping on the brakes. They just didn't react." Something in that statement got the FBI agent in Walter thinking. "Lindy, you said the brakes felt mushy," he said. "But you didn't hear any grinding noises? No squealing?" Lindy, now pushing away from Anton, thought about it and then shook her head. "Not until Bryn put on the emergency brake." He frowned, thinking. "I'll be back in a moment." He passed Alex on the way. Alex gave Lindy a quick hug before sitting down. "We've called Bryn's brother and her parents. I gave him my cell phone number and they'll call when they know they'll arrive." Anton nodded absently, wondering what he was going to say to her family. Especially if... He mentally shook his head, sitting down in one of the nearby chairs. Gesturing for Lindy to sit down next to him, he waited until she was seated and then put his arm around her to pull her closer. She sniffled as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm glad you weren't hurt, Lindy. That's all that matters." "H-How is she?" He was quiet for a moment, his voice husky when he finally said, "They took her into..." He cleared his throat. "They took her into the operating room several hours ago. The doctor said if he didn't operate now we might lose them both." "Oh God." Lindy squeezed Nate's hand harder as he sat on the opposite side of her. "I can still hear her--" Before she could finish her sentence, Dr. Green pushed through the double doors, pulling his mask out of the way, and walking purposefully towards where they sat. Anton stood up. "How is she?" "She's pulled through the surgery. We were able to relieve the pressure on her brain, but she's still unconscious. She's in recovery right now and we'll notify you as soon as she's able to have visitors." Anton gave a minute sigh. "What about the baby?" "The heartbeat is strong, and although there are little signs of distress, there's no indication of the pregnancy terminating." He closed his eyes, relief flooding his system. She wasn't out of the woods by a long shot, but she had made it so far. "When can I see her?" "Soon," the doctor said. As soon as she was moved to ICU and allowed visitors, they got on the elevator and headed towards her room. She looked even impossibly worse as Anton entered the room. Her head was heavily bandaged, the hiss of the breathing machine filling the room. She was being transfused again, which wasn't particularly surprising given Max's presence and her recent surgery. She looked so pale, her eyes ringed with dark circles, and Anton's hands shook as he grabbed a chair and dragged it over next to the bed. He sat down and grasped her hand, bowing his head over it as the others walked in the room behind him. Lindy took one look at the woman lying on the bed and burst into tears, burying her face against Nate's chest. Despite the need to protect his wife, Nathaniel couldn't help but be more concerned for Anton. If that had been Lindy lying on the bed, he knew he would've been on his knees with grief. As it was, Anton flinched when Jess placed her hand on his shoulder. Jess looked back at Alex, raising one eyebrow. He shrugged his shoulders and gestured towards the doors. "Nate, Lindy, lets give them time alone." Nate guided Lindy outside and Jess followed, closing the door after they passed through. She then turned around and walked back to the bed. "Anton?" He didn't respond. "Anton, I want to try another mindscan." "No, Jess." He didn't look at her. "It's too dangerous for you." "Anton, we need to know if Max is okay. And there's a possibility I could reach Bryn." He finally met her gaze, although it was clear he wasn't quite with her. Lost deep in thought, his eyes were unfocused and dilated. "It won't hurt her?" She shook her head. "I won't take any chances, I promise." He nodded, a little frantically. "I need to know. Please." She nodded and grabbed the other chair. After dragging it over to Bryn's bed, she sat down and took a few deep breaths. This would be tricky. She didn't think she'd have much difficulty reaching Max, but she wasn't sure how much he'd understand of what was going on. And she'd never tried to reach an unconscious mind before. Placing a hand on Bryn's stomach, she mentally reached out, not sure whose mind she would encounter first. The concern and worry and fear radiating from Anton drew her like a lodestone, but she drew back. Trying to screen out his emotions, she began searching again. She could feel a second fear from a mature mind. Moving towards it, she encountered what she could only describe as a solid wall. The fear had walled off Sabryn's mind from the outside world. ~Bryn! It's Jess!~ No response. With a mental growl of frustration, she pulled back to see what else she could find. A third mental signature caught her attention, one that had almost been entirely overshadowed by the fear. She went towards it. ~Max?~ A strong sense of confusion was emanating from his mind. He knew something was very, very wrong. Trying to keep things simple, she projected to him. ~Mama's hurt.~ She didn't expect an answer back, but to her surprise she heard a faint ~Max fix.~ And then he withdrew from her. He didn't go away, but seemed to turn his attention elsewhere. Not certain what to make of it, she began the journey back into her own body. "Whoa." "What?" Anton asked eagerly, anxiety plain in his voice. "Did you reach her?" She shook her head. "I'm sorry. She's completely closed herself off. I couldn't get through to her. But I did reach Max, and...I don't even know how to describe it." "What do you mean?" He was nearly choking with trepidation. "He knew something was wrong, but not what it was...and when I told him," she said, pausing to take a deep breath, "he distinctly told me he was going to fix it." Anton stared at her, his body tingling with the memory of Max's spiritual presence. His voice was quiet as he said, "I imagine he could." Jess swallowed, an idea forming in her mind. "Anton, are you willing to take a risk?" Anton looked at her sharply. "What kind of risk?" "I don't think Bryn responded to me because she's so afraid. She doesn't really know me enough to trust me. Not with this kind of instinctive fear." "Are yo