Chapter Fifty-two Jess was sitting on the porch, ignored glass of lemonade in her hand, watching the sun go down. She was half hoping, half dreading what she was about to hear. When they returned home the night before, she could smell Lindy's scent on the front porch. However it was different, altered, but undeniably hers. All five of them had noticed it immediately, even Chandra who was just learning what she was capable of with her new senses. No one had said anything, not sure how to handle the situation. If Lindy hadn't survived, Jess was sure that Anton or Bryn would have been there to break the news. She doubted Nathaniel would have been in any state to talk to her. But still, she had to call Anton and ask if something had happened. "She asked me not to say anything," was his answer. She sighed again, and put down the untouched glass. His answer had told her what she needed to know. The only question in her mind was why now instead of waiting like they had decided. The sun was now down, and she waited for someone to arrive. She knew they would eventually. She could hear Nathaniel's voice inside the house from two rooms away. He carried on a short conversation with Alex, dodged a few questions, and managed to convince the werewolf that he would explain everything if he was allowed to talk to Jess first. She scooted over to make room for him, even before the door started to open. She didn't look at him, just waited quietly as he sat down beside her. "Lindy's getting Liam dressed," he said, explaining her absence. "I asked her if she wouldn't mind waiting about twenty minutes before coming over. I wanted to talk to you first." She glanced over at him, surprised to see him wearing dark sunglasses. A vampire in sunglasses. At any other time, it might've been comical. "I--I lied to you," he said, hanging his head. "Lied to me?" She turned to face him, eyebrow arched. She fought off the urge to give a deep sigh, keeping her face impassive. "About what, Nathaniel?" He was silent for a moment, staring out into the distance. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and quiet, but unmistakably filled with emotion. "I told Lindy, and your family, that we would wait until Halloween to Transform her. But some things have happened since then that have...made that wait impossible. Without asking you, or even Lindy herself, I selfishly took that decision into my own hands and Transformed her last night. It was completely successful, and she's...a vampire, now." "She...made it?" Jess couldn't bring herself to say alive, nor survived. Neither word seemed quite right. Her face relaxed a bit when he nodded. "Why did you do it, Nate? What made you change your mind? What happened?" He rested his elbows on his thighs, resting his forehead on his clasped hands. "Lindy's been having counseling sessions with a friend of mine for a while now. Last night, she was hypnotized for the first time...and she started remembering things that weren't from this lifetime. She started remembering things from the first time we met...just before I was Transformed, myself." "Transformed yourself?" Jess's eyes went wide. "Are you talking about some sort of past life regression?" This was starting to stretch even her liberal paranormal beliefs. "But why did her memories make you Transform her?" "Because...the last time I had her in my life, I lost her. I was a horrible, awful person, and I shoved her away from me. When she started remembering that, I thought I might lose her again. And Liam, too. And I would've done anything to keep that from happening because," he choked on the words, "I love her so much, and I couldn't live without her again. I couldn't stand losing another child." "Another child?" She tried to keep her anger at him, but it drained away when she saw how miserable he was. She understood all too well the fear and pain of losing a child. When Amanda had been taken from them, she thought she would go insane, and had been eternally grateful that she had been returned. How much worse must Nathaniel's pain be? "Nate, this person who counsels Lindy, it's Zen right? Has she had any professional training?" He shook his head, then pulled off his sunglasses and wiped his wet, swollen eyes. It was obvious this hadn't been the first time he'd been moved to tears recently. Or even the first time since he'd awakened. "She's had some basic...I don't know, classes or something...nothing formal." She reached out and gently rubbed her hand across his tense shoulders, keeping her touch light. "Nate, it's nothing against Zenobia, but I think she might be a little out of her depth here." He didn't know how he'd take her next words, so she chose them carefully. "I know what it's like to face losing a child, Nathaniel, but thank God we regained Amanda. I can't imagine what you're going through now. You need help, professional help." She paused to take a breath. "I have a friend who's open to the paranormal. He's also a psychologist, and has known Lindy since she was a little girl. I'm sure he'd be willing to meet with the both of you." "I know you mean well, but I've had my fill of counseling for a while. I just-- I need to be with my family. I lost my kids...and I never even knew they existed. I want to try to find their families." His face crumpled, and he let out a harsh sob. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take her away from you, but I couldn't lose her again. I couldn't let that happen." "Nate, I know you didn't mean to, but what happens the next time you're upset, or can't handle something and you end up hurting her? This time you Transformed her. What happens the next time?" She gently placed a hand on his. "I know she's important to you. Well, you're important to this family too. That's why I think you should get help, for Lindy's peace as well as yours." The look he cast her was almost a glare, through his tears. "I would never, ever hurt her. I would walk away from her forever before I'd hurt her." He stood up and walked down the porch steps, taking several strides down the sidewalk. "I'm not some Goddamned animal. Ask her--ask her if she's afraid of me!" "Nathaniel..." Jess said standing to follow him. "Mom?" Lindy said, coming through the front door, holding Liam. She took one look at Nate's tense posture and turned on her mother, eyes narrowed. "What did you say to him?" Jess tried to soothe both of them. "I was just saying that you, both of you, might need a little help, someone a little more professional than Zenobia." "She thinks I'm going to hurt you," Nate said, his voice strained. "And hell, maybe she's right. I already have." He looked back at Jess. "Then again, I'm not the spouse who broke the other's wrist last night. I know she's your daughter and you want to protect her, but she's more than capable of defending herself. She didn't fight me last night because she didn't want to." Jess looked at her daughter stunned. "Lindy?" She nodded. "Give me a few minutes with my husband, Mom." Jess seemed about to protest, but backed down when she saw the determined light in her daughter's eyes. Their relationship had been subtly altered with her Transformation, and Jess had a feeling that she'd have to relearn her place fast. Jess was the alpha female, the highest ranked pack bitch. But Lindy was no longer a werewolf. "I'm sorry if I upset you, Nate," Jess said quietly. "Just please. Consider what I said." She opened the front door. "I'll be inside when you want to talk." As the door shut quietly, Lindy walked over to Nathaniel. Liam seemed to be a bit more relaxed in her arms, but Lindy was tense. "What did she say to you?" "Exactly what I expected her to...that I Transformed you this time, but what about the next time I get upset? She thinks I should get some counseling before I hurt you." He ran his fingers through his hair, swearing under his breath. "I think you should just talk to them yourself. I wouldn't want to lose my temper. They might decide to have me committed or something." He started to walk further down the sidewalk, then turned back abruptly, nearly stumbling over her. "This is bullshit, damn it! I came here to apologize for not waiting. I wanted to explain what happened, and all she can do is look at me like I'm some kind of psycho!" Lindy sighed. She knew her mother wouldn't have been able to keep her mouth shut. "Nate, I'm sure that's not how she meant it. She's used to trying to solve other people's problems, especially family problems. And she's awfully overprotective when it comes to me." She sighed. "I should have talked to her first." "Go talk to her now. I won't leave, but I'm not coming in either. I'll just sit out here until everyone has had a chance to calm down." He let out a breath, trying to calm down himself. "Go. Take Liam inside. He's probably got a present in there somewhere." Lindy gave him a one armed hug and a kiss. "I'll be back." She left her husband, who was looking a little forlorn, on the front porch. She stepped into the living room only to see Amanda idly flipping through channels on the TV. "Where's Mom?" "Kitchen," Amanda said, putting down the remote. She looked a little hesitantly at her older sister. "You okay, Lindy?" "I'm fine, sis," Lindy said softly. "I'm still me, if that's what you're wondering." She gave Amanda a reassuring hug. "Would you watch Liam while I talk to mom? Thanks," she said when Amanda nodded her head. She then headed towards the kitchen. She found Jess sitting at the table, one arm cradling her head, the other stretched out, silently sobbing. Lindy took her hand and squeezed. Jess squeezed back, but it was several minutes before she looked up through tear stained eyes. "Lindy, tell me what happened last night." "Mom, he didn't hurt me. He got upset during the hypnosis and he went home. When I went to find him...he Transformed me." "There's more to it than that, Lindy. He said he did it without asking you." Lindy sighed. No matter what, she knew there wasn't a good way to explain this without making Nate look like a villain. "He was really shaken by what happened. When I walked into the room, he had the knife...I thought he was thinking about doing something to himself. Something really bad--" "He did something bad to you instead!" "Something that we were going to do anyway!" "At the end of October, Lindy. Four weeks away." Jess pushed away from the table and started pacing the spacious kitchen. It felt like a cramped cage to her. "What was that he was saying earlier about you breaking his wrist?" Lindy blushed slightly. "It was just after he Transformed me. I needed to feed, and his wrist was still over my mouth. I clamped down too hard." Jess stopped in her tracks. She had expected to hear that it was wound Lindy had inflicted trying to avoid Transformation. Not that it happened during her first blood drinking. "And the knife, that was accidental too?" Lindy nodded. "It was Transform me or watch me die. He wasn't going to lose me again." "You really believe you were with him in a past life, Lindy?" "Yes." She stared at the table for a moment, remembering all the things Nate had told her and what she'd recalled on her own. "It was a little hard to believe at first, but I was in denial. After I listened to him--really *listened*--I knew he was telling the truth. I could feel it. Not only was I with him then, but I had his children. Twins. A boy and a girl." [Just like your vision,] Jess thought, but didn't say. "I'm sorry if I'm coming down harsh on the both of you. I thought I'd be handling this a lot better than I am. But I do think you should talk to someone with a little professional training in psychology." Lindy made a wry face. "Yeah, but who would be open-minded enough to believe that we're vampires and not put our lives in danger." For the first time that evening, Jess gave a little grin. "I've got someone in mind..." Bryn hesitated when she noticed Nathaniel sitting on the porch. She needed to talk to Jess, Chandra, and Lindy, but she wasn't sure if they were done discussing Lindy's Transformation or not. It didn't look that way. And although part of her wanted to turn around and go back to the house, she figured she'd look pretty silly if she'd already been spotted. Walking up the sidewalk towards the house, she gave Nate a small wave. He merely continued to watch her approach. "Is this a bad time?" He shrugged. "Might be." "Oh. Well, I can come back later." She was about to turn when she noticed his eyes. They looked very red. "Are you okay?" "No," he said quietly. "Lindy's mom isn't taking her Transformation well. Had the balls to tell me that I need counseling." The last word was said with a disdainful sniff. "Counseling?" She couldn't help but be amused. "What for?" "She thinks I'm going to hurt my wife." He shook his head. "She stood there and looked at me like she thought I might attack her." He looked at her point blank. "Do you think I'm a violent person?" "No." She paused for a moment. "I think you'd be very dangerous if something happened to your family, but I don't think you'd hurt anyone you loved." "Thank you. That's exactly what I was trying to tell her. I think it went right over her head." He watched her stand there uncertainly for a moment, before scooting over on the step. "Might as well sit down. With any luck, they'll be done soon." She hesitated for a minute, then took a seat next to him. "Did you tell her she hurt your feelings?" "No," he said sullenly. "But she should have known better! I'd never hurt Lindy! You believe me, right, Bryn?" Before she could answer, Anton pulled his car to a stop in front of the house. After shutting down the engine and getting out, he came walking up the path and acknowledged the younger vampire. "Good evening, Nathaniel." He then turned his attention to his wife. "I'm heading into work, now, Bryn. I'll see you later tonight, my dear." She nodded. "I might not be here when you get home," she said, quietly and even, "so you might want to stop and get yourself something to eat for dinner." He frowned slightly. "Where are you going?" "I'm going to see about getting enrolled at a gym. Maybe some aerobics. I was going to ask the other girls if they want to go with me. If I can get in, it will probably be several nights a week." "Okay, my dear." Anton was glad that she wanted to do something outside their home, interact with other people, but her choice of activities surprised him. "I'll see you later tonight, then." He gave her a hug and a kiss to the forehead, which Bryn stiffly returned. Frowning slightly, he looked over at Nathaniel, noticing his red eyes. "Everything okay, Nathaniel?" "I'll talk to you later about it," Nate muttered. He waved Anton off and watched his brother give Bryn another coolly received kiss to the head before Anton left. "Okay, Bryn. What's wrong?" "Hmm?" She absently watched Anton get into his car and drive away. "What do you mean?" He gave her a smirk and a small laugh. "You know exactly what I mean." She blinked at him. "It's nothing. I'm just...a little down." He continued to watch her, assessing her behavior. "You're pissed off about something and he doesn't have a clue." "I'm not pissed off--" "Yeah, you are." "I'm not. I'm depressed, not pissed. There's a difference." She sighed, leaning forward to hug her bent knees. It wasn't easy with her stomach in the way. "If I ask you a question, will you promise not to lie to me? Even if you think it might hurt my feelings?" "Ahh...I don't know, Bryn. Is it going to get me into trouble with Anton?" "No, I assure you it won't," she answered, bitterly. "Okay. What is it?" "Do you think I'm fat?" "What?" he said with a bit of a smile. That was not the question he was expecting. Bryn frowned at him and repeated her question. "Do you think I'm fat?" "Uh, no, Bryn." Nate scratched his head as if he was puzzled. "I mean, yeah you've gained weight, but isn't that what happens to pregnant women? You don't look fat." She gave him a dubious look, but didn't press the question. "Never mind." "Why would you ask me that?" He stared at her. "Is that what joining the gym is all about? You think you're fat?" "I didn't--I...I guess I did a little bit, but I always think I'm fat. I'm a woman. It kind of goes with the territory. But..." When she opened her mouth to speak again, her voice was almost inaudible. "Anton thinks I'm fat. And he thinks I'm smothering him. That's why I didn't want to kiss him. I'm not sure what he thinks is 'too far'." "What? When did he tell you this?" "Last night, well the smothering part. He tried to say it was a joke, but I know what he meant." He frowned at her, looking somewhat menacing, but she knew the expression wasn't meant for her directly. "Did you smack him?" "Smack him? No. I was too busy being humiliated." "Jesus...maybe I'll smack him for you. You're not fat, Bryn. And he definitely needs a good kick in the ass for saying so, let alone thinking it. If you want to go to a gym, that's fine...but do it because you want to do something active, not because you're trying to look good for him. If he doesn't think you look good already, he's more of an asshole than I usually give him credit for. And since when does he think you're smothering him? The last time I saw the two of you together, he was practically dragging you around behind him." "Who was dragging you around?" Lindy, carrying Liam, walked out of the house and up to Nathaniel. "Nothing, gorgeous." Nate stood and put an arm around her as she came up by his side. "So, your mom still think I'm a monster?" "It's her problem, Nate, not yours. She knows she's not being fair, even if she won't admit it yet." He shook his head. "I thought she knew me better than that. A lot better than that. I never thought she'd--fuck, never mind. I'm sick of dealing with this, so I think I'm going to go home for a while. I feel like cooking something. Are you going to stay here, come with me, or go with Bryn?" Lindy turned her attention to Bryn. "Where are you going?" "I wanted to know if you and your mom...or whoever, would want to go to the gym with me. I'm going to try out one of those free thirty-day memberships and see if I like it." "Um, I can't say that I'm interested at the moment, but I'm sure Mom would be. I'm more into running." She leaned against Nate, pushing Liam higher up on her shoulder "Besides, I don't have it in me to go into town tonight. Maybe in a few days?" She nodded, then stood up. "Well, I think I'll ask your mom in a few days, too. It sounds like she has a lot to deal with at the moment, and I'm not too sure I'd be great company anyway. I'll just go by myself." She stepped down to the sidewalk, and gave them a somewhat lazy wave. "I'll see you guys later." "Bye." Nate watched her go, then turned his attention back to Lindy. He crossed his arms over his chest, looking not much better than he had when she'd left him standing on the porch earlier. "Well, do you want to stay here? I can take Liam with me if you want." Lindy shook her head. "I can talk to Alex and Walter later on. Mom has to deal with her own problems." She snuggled a bit closer. "I've made my choice, Nathaniel. I'm not leaving you." His expression softened considerably. He rubbed the back of his fingers over her cheek, then leaned closer to softly kiss her on the mouth. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Lind. Twice." He gave her a small smile. "Shall we go?" Lindy kissed him back, smiling. "Let's." Anton punched the security code to the main gate, and waited for it to roll back. His mind had only half been at work, partially on Lindy's Transformation, and mostly on Bryn. Something was wrong there, he knew that much. Bryn had been distant both emotionally and physically for all of the day they had spent in bed, trying to sleep. She had gotten up and dressed and left the house with less than two words to him. And then there was this sudden desire to get out off of the property, something she'd never shown an inclination to do before. He sighed, driving slowly down the road to the homes. Remembering that Bryn said she'd probably be out for a while, he decided to swing by Nathaniel and Lindy's and check on them first. Lindy wouldn't be feeling the full effects of her Transformation until tomorrow night, when she'd have to hunt for the first time. The house looked quiet from the outside, but as he walked closer he could see that either Nathaniel or Lindy had let Petunia in the house to play with Liam. Both were running and playing wildly, Liam in canine form. As he neared the door, he heard a bunch of rustling and Nate's voice yell out, "Stay out of the garbage!" Shaking his head, Anton rang the doorbell and waited. A few minutes later, Lindy opened the door, smiled at him, and then deftly reached for Liam when he almost followed Petunia right out the door. She rolled her eyes. "This was Nate's idea, not mine. So if you were looking for your dog, blame him." He grinned, scratching Petunia behind the ears. The dog groaned and leaned into his leg. "Actually, I just wanted to see how you were doing." "Oh. Well, come in." He followed her into the kitchen, making sure Petunia was inside and closing the door first. Nate looked up from the mess he was making on the counter, and gave him a weird look. "Hello, jackass." "What?" both Lindy and Anton said at the same time. Although Nathaniel had called him much worse over the centuries, that hurt. "Care to tell me what I did to earn that endearment, Nathaniel?" Anton asked, his voice neutral. "Yeah, Nate," Lindy chimed in, frowning at her husband. "What's up with that?" "Why don't you ask him," Nate said, sourly. "Oh, but that's right...he's clueless. Tell me, Anton--did you ever question why your wife would want to join a health club all of the sudden?" "No..." he said, still not understanding. Lindy's eyes lit up in recognition. "She's put on what, twenty five pounds since she got pregnant?" Anton frowned. "Well, yes, but isn't that what happens to pregnant women?" Lindy snorted. "Yes, but even though it's normal, it doesn't mean we like it." Anton moaned, understanding. "She told you about last night, didn't she, Nathaniel?" "You bet your ass. Why the hell would you tell her she's fat, Anton? And since when do you think she's smothering you? Last I heard, neither one of you could keep your hands off each other. Or was that just my imagination?" "Now wait a minute! Who said I said she was fat? And as for the smothering comment, that was a poorly timed joke, and I explained that to her." "She said it, Anton. She isn't afraid to talk to me, unlike she is with you, because she knows I'm not going to humiliate her." Nate shook his head, drying his hands off on a dish towel. "Why the hell am I the one defending your wife?" Anton sighed, exasperated. "I did not humiliate her, Nathaniel. I tried to apologize last night, but she's been the one who's been backing away from me, even when I told her repeatedly she wasn't smothering me. " He glanced over at Lindy, who was trying to hide her grin. "And what's so funny?" "Nothing," she said, choking back a laugh. His nostrils flaring like a bull ready to charge, Nate narrowed his eyes. "She probably finds it funny that you deny everything that came from Bryn's own mouth." When Lindy let a small giggle escape, even he started to get annoyed. "All right, what the hell *are* you laughing at?" Lindy, put her hand in front of her mouth. "I'm sorry, Nate, but you're so cute when you play knight-in-shining-armor, charging to the rescue." Nate threw his hands up. "Son-of-a-bitch. I give up. You want to mess up your marriage, Anton, that's your problem. Just tell your wife not to come to me next time she wants to complain about you. I don't really want to listen to it, if it's not going to change anything." "Fine!" Anton barked, turning to leave. He glared at Lindy, who was still giggling uncontrollably. "Now what?" "I'm sorry. It's just...amusing to see you two fighting like this instead of the way you used to. You're fighting like brothers." Nate watched Anton shake his head and storm out of the room, his somewhat cowering puppy at his heels. Once the door slammed behind them, Nate turned his attention to Lindy. "Don't ever call me cute in front of him again. Got it?" "Okay, how about adorable then?" "Lindy...." "Cuddly?" He moved menacingly towards her, his hands extended like claws towards her neck. Giggling, she backed away from a bit, then ran away squealing as he chased her towards the bedroom. He was the only person who'd ever told her she was beautiful. The only one who held her when she was upset, and made her feel wanted. And he was the only one who could hurt her like this. Bryn drove home in complete silence, the radio turned off. She couldn't listen to those late-night love song requests. Not without blurring her vision so much she thought she might veer off the road. She hadn't wanted to go home after the gym. Not so soon. She didn't want him to think that she'd been waiting all this time just to see him. So she'd driven around aimlessly, finally ending up at a hospital nursery ward. She stood there staring at the babies, their innocent little faces, and smiled for one of the first times since she'd awakened. When it was time to leave, she went to a 24-hour restaurant and ate a light dinner. She had so many cups of decaf coffee she thought her bladder might burst. Eventually she knew she couldn't procrastinate any longer. It might be horribly lonely, but she had to go home. She punched in the code to the gate once she arrived, drove down the long driveway, and parked her car in the garage. Then she sat there in the dark, willing herself to smile, trying to pretend that everything was okay, and it didn't matter that her heart was broken. Anton had heard the car pull into the garage. He was calmer now than when he had come home from Nathaniel's, and he had done some thinking. He deeply regretted making the smothering comment, even if he meant it as a lighthearted joke. He hadn't realized that it would hurt Bryn so much, and that she was hurting made him miserable. That he hadn't picked up on her pain made him feel all the worse. But the fat comment Nathaniel had mentioned had him truly mystified. She wasn't fat! Not to him! Yes, she had gained weight, but didn't all women do that during pregnancy? But Lindy's voice kept echoing in his mind. [Yes, but even though it's normal, it doesn't mean we like it.] With a sigh, he sat down and picked up one of the expectant mother magazines that Bryn had subscribed to and started flipping though it, seeking insight. How could he convince her that she was beautiful to him? Between the checklist explaining a nursing mother's rights at the workplace and an advertisement for breast pumps, an article caught his eye. He read it over, looked at the accompanying pictures, and smiled. [Perfect.] Now if he could only convince Bryn to do it. She walked into the house through the door at the end of the hallway, then set her purse and keys on the small table, checked her appearance in the mirror, and locked the door behind her. She knelt down to greet Petunia, who was wiggling around like an over-wound toy. Then, walking down the hall on her way to the stairs, she stopped briefly by the living room and announced, "I'm home." "Hi," Anton said softly, standing up to hug her. He sighed inwardly when she remained stiff in his arms. "Got a moment?" "Yeah," Bryn said warily. "Come over here, please." He walked back to the couch and picked up the magazine he had been thumbing through. "I was wondering if you'd be interested doing something like these photo portraits. Well, actually both of us doing them together." "Why?" "Because this might be the only time in our lives when you are pregnant, Bryn. And I'd like something more tangible than a memory to remind me how beautiful you are right now." "I thought that was what the video camera was for." [Cameras add five pounds, Anton. I don't think that would be the result you'd want.] She glanced at the magazine, the happy couples smiling together, big naked bellies being proudly displayed and pampered. She had to bite her tongue to keep from saying something really sarcastic. "It looks expensive, anyway." "Since when has cost been a concern to me? And yes, that's what the video camera is partially for. But I like the idea of having a framed picture, and I don't think anything done by a digital camera will come out as nicely." He gently placed a hand on her back, rubbing in a soothing circle. She had an urge to lean into his touch, but managed not to respond to it. She wanted to lay down on the couch with him and watch the shows she'd taped from the evening before, but she didn't do that either. Instead, she shrugged, and said, "If you want the pictures, make an appointment. I'm going to go change my clothes." "Bryn, wait," he said, catching her hand as she turned away. "I'm sorry I made that stupid joke. I've hurt you, Bryn, and I can't say how ashamed about that I feel." He looked up at her, eyes sad. "How can I make it better?" She looked away from him, closing her eyes. Her voice was barely audible when she said, "You can't. Because it's not a joke if that's what you really feel. So I'll just stop bothering you so much. And I'll go to the gym and try to lose the weight. But it might take a while so you're just going to have to be patient." She pulled her hand out of his grip, more determined this time. And he was determined not to let her get away. "Bryn, that's not how I feel. I was trying to make a lighthearted joke about the fact that I couldn't breathe comfortably. It's not how I feel about you at all. You are not smothering me at all." He sighed. "I love you, Bryn. If you were smothering me, I would tell you. Do you trust me to tell you the truth?" "I think you try to. But I also think you hide things from me--" She let out a small whimper, then turned her head away from him. She didn't want him to see her cry. Not again. She wasn't at all eager to let him know how much this hurt her. "Why won't you just let me go?" "I'm never going to let you go, Bryn. I'm not going to let you slip away again, and have to find you." He took her hand again, looking into her eyes, his misting over. "What have I hidden from you?" Her lower lip quivered. "Why would you tell me I'm beautiful when you really think I'm fat? And you wouldn't make a joke about me smothering you unless you really thought I was! Why do you do that? Do you think you're sparing my feelings by not telling me? Well you're not, damn it!" She turned around to leave in a huff. Exasperated, he bodily picked her up and placed her down on the on the couch. Both arms of his arms framed her, leaving her no place to go. "Listen to me, Bryn. What I said about you smothering me is not what I'm feeling. Would I be so upset and trying to convince you that you're not smothering me if that's how I felt? Wouldn't I instead be trying to encourage you to stay away? "And as for me thinking you're fat, I have no idea where you got that idea." His voice softened a bit more. "You are so beautiful, Bryn. I don't know how to describe it other than there's this aura... this glow you have. All I want to do is bask in it, to worship you." She refused to look at him for a moment, but the longer he stared at her the harder it was not to notice. She looked up into his eyes and swallowed heavily. He wasn't looking away, wasn't searching blindly for some excuse. And he had to be telling the truth, because she knew he was a horrible liar. He couldn't keep a straight face when he was being dishonest. She squeezed her eyes closed briefly, before reaching for his shirt and pulling him closer so she could wrap her arms around him. His arms relaxed, and then wrapped around her. He buried his nose in the side of her neck. "I'm so sorry, Bryn. I didn't mean to hurt you." Gently he began rocking her. "Please, forgive me?" She could only hang onto him and shake, sobbing with relief. She knew she'd feel like an idiot later, but it could wait. Right now, she couldn't seem to get close enough, hug him tight enough, breathe him in deep enough. She kissed his ear, and said, "I love you so much. So much." "I love you too, Bryn." Holding on to her tight, he rolled so now he was sitting on the couch, her tightly straddling his lap. "I love you almost more than I can express." Cradling the back of her head, he pushed up and kissed her. She moaned softly, her eyes slipping closed, and softly met his lips, allowing him to lead her. She couldn't help but tremble as she lifted her hands to cradle his face, her thumbs sweeping against his cheekbones. He coaxed her mouth open with his and she tentatively met his tongue. It felt like she hadn't kissed him in years, and she didn't want to stop. He continued to kiss her, allowing one arm to slide down her back to rub across her waist. Although he was more than eager to push on to the next stage, he forced himself to keep things slow and lazy. She sniffled again, rubbing his chest beneath her hand. "Can we go upstairs? I want to lay down with you and hold you...and make love. Do you want that, too?" "Yes," he purred, pulling her to his mouth again. He thoroughly kissed her, making sure his tongue didn't leave a square inch of her mouth unexplored. His hands slowly roamed over her back, moving downwards to squeeze her ass. She was filled with the urge to keep right on kissing him, to let him take her then and there. To throw caution to the wind and let him drive her crazy with lust. But she wanted to go slower, to take time and savor everything. Pulling back from his kiss, she caught her breath as she looked at his heavily dilated eyes. "I want to go slow. It's not a race." "Okay." He kissed the tip of her nose. "Then let's take this upstairs like you suggested." He nipped lightly at her chin. "I want this to last the rest of the night and all day." He caught her head between his hands, pressing their foreheads together. "And I want to do it every day for the rest of eternity." She gave him a wide smile, tilting her head to kiss his mouth. After several slow, lingering kisses, she slid backwards off his lap, and stood up, reaching for his hands. Pulling him to his feet in front of her, she held onto his hands as she walked backwards towards the stairs. "I want you to teach me something new. Something we haven't done, in this lifetime anyway." He smiled lazily at her. "Hmmm... so many possibilities." He started guiding her up the stairs, kissing her face with each step upwards she took. His hands stroked over her shoulders. "How adventurous are you feeling?" "Mmm...I'll do anything, anything you're willing to teach me." Once they'd reached the second floor, she flipped the switch on the wall to shut off the lights downstairs, leaving only a warm glow emanating from their bedroom. She stopped in the open doorway, pulling him close to kiss him again. "Do you have anything in mind?" "Well, remember when we watched those videos your brother had? The one where he penetrated her anally? Would you like to try that, my dear?" She squirmed against him, her breathing becoming heavier. Nodding, she said, "I--yes, but I'm not sure if we have any...um, lubrication. Is that going to be a problem?" "I'm sure we can come up with something. Hand lotion will work. Or even your own fluids will do the trick." He bent down and kissed where her shoulder and neck joined. "I have to admit, it's been a while since I've made love that way, Bryn, so I'm out of practice. And it can be uncomfortable the first time. But if you wish to try..." "Anton, before you met me in Santa Cruz, it had been a while since you made love *any* way." She smiled, turned her head to kiss behind his ear. "And yes, I do want to try. I want to try everything with you. Besides, I trust you. I know you'll stop if I don't like it." She stepped away from him, backing towards the bed, stepping out of her shoes and kicking them to the side. She unfastened the top button of her blouse, toying with the gap and waiting for him to take over. He stepped forward, brushing his hands up the trail of buttons, making sure his fingers caressed her breasts. Slowly he undid each button, and then slowly slid it over her shoulders. He leaned forward and started kissing below her ear, slowly nibbling his way downwards as he teased the straps of her bra off. She shuddered, her fingers catching in the belt loops on his jeans. She stepped closer to him, feeling his hands lower to unfasten her bra. He didn't do much more than that, content just to the fabric cling to her breasts as he rubbed his hands up and down her bare back. Sabryn tilted her head back to meet his mouth, kiss him slowly and deeply, then meeting his gaze, smiling at him with her eyes. "I missed you, Anton. I love you so much." "And I love you so much, Bryn. I'm sorry I hurt you, so sorry." He slowly dropped to his knees in front of her. Gently he unbuttoned her jeans and eased them off her legs, helping her keep her balance. He let her bra fall off, tossing it to land somewhere behind him on the floor. Anton gave a low moan when he saw her peaked nipples, but it was her stomach he started to lick and kiss. She let out a soft sigh, threading her fingers through his hair. She let her head fall back on her shoulders, smiling to herself. She was torn between elation and disbelief. He wanted her to get pictures taken, to pose with her and her belly. She'd seen similar pictures before, elegant portraits of couples holding each other in shades of gray. But she'd never expected to be part of one. Then again, since she'd met Anton, a lot of unexpected things had been happening. He continued to kiss her stomach, his tongue swirling around and in and out of her navel. His fingers tangled in her panties and pulled them down. Letting out another moan, he stood up and pulled her tight into his arms. Caressing her bare skin, he kissed her lips, gently nibbling on the lower one. "So beautiful, Bryn. Absolutely amazingly beautiful." She lifted up on her tiptoes to kiss him deeper, as her hands lowered to the hem of his polo shirt. She slid it out of the way, running her fingers over his warm skin. Lightly brushing the line of hair below his navel, before sliding up his fit torso to gently massage his pectoral muscles. He let out a purring sound against her mouth, his hands sliding down to squeeze her ass. She squirmed, tugging on his shirt, then pulled it off entirely and pressed her breasts against his warm chest. He smiled against her mouth, rocking their bodies side to side. His head tilted back and he hissed as she brushed her hand over his too tight fly. His hands lightly squeezed her breasts as she slid his jeans and boxers over his hips. He gasped as Bryn's hand lightly stroked over his cock. Breathing heavily, he started pushing her towards the bed. She let herself sink back on to the bedspread, snuggling close to him as he settled beside her. She leisurely kissed his neck as her hand drifted down his body. Her fingertips lightly combed his pubic hair for a moment before she grasped hold of his cock. He bucked against her hand, and she let out a soft moan. "You're so hard. Do you like making love this way?" "Yes," he hissed. It was so tempting to just roll onto his back and pull her on top of him. Reaching back behind him, he snagged the bottle of hand lotion. Making sure it stayed in easy reach, he leaned forward and caught a nipple between his lips. He sucked firmly his fingers caressing the insides of her thighs. She moaned, leaning into his touches, spreading her legs slightly. Continuing to stroke his cock, she traced lightly over the tiny veins just below the surface, not deliberately trying to arouse him, but it worked nonetheless. Her thumb swept gently over the velvety head, lingering a bit to tease the leaking slit at the tip. Anton groaned, trying hard not to thrust into her hand. He pulled away from her breast. "Keep doing that , my dear, and this will be over too fast." His hand slid higher up between her thighs, circling her clit and stroking her moisture back towards her anus. "Tell me if this is too uncomfortable, or if you don't like it," he whispered. "We can try something else." He gently nipped at her ear as his fingertip brushed against her puckered opening. She slid her hand back down, merely holding his cock as she let her head fall back to the pillow. She concentrated on slowing her breathing, relaxing her lower body. As he worked more of her moisture down and put more pressure on her anus, she gently pushed out towards his finger, allowing him to enter her. It felt a little odd at first, but not painful, and she let out a sigh as her body accepted the gentle invasion. He watched her expression carefully for any sign of discomfort. Gently he worked his finger a little deeper into her. She was hot and tight, and he could feel himself get fractionally harder as she reflexively clamped down on his finger. She could feel herself getting wetter, and opened her eyes to look at him. She gave him a small smile, gently squeezing his cock. "I'm okay. It just feels weird. It doesn't hurt." She licked her lips, looking down at his hard erection. "I want you facing me. Maybe we can put some pillows under me to lift me up?" "Whatever you want, my dear." He gently pulled out his finger, and grabbed at the pillows from the head of the bed. Piling them on the bed next to her hips, he kissed her lips briefly. "Roll onto your back." He helped her position herself on the pillows comfortably. Then he pressed in again, this time with two fingers. She whimpered, biting her lip at the sudden tightness and fullness. She watched him reach for the lotion, shaking the contents of the bottle towards the end, before flipping open the cap, and squeezing some of the cold lotion onto her. Her gaze following his movements, she held still while he spread the lotion around a bit and then pushed his fingers inside her again. She let her head fall back again, her hips rocking lightly against his hand. Still watching carefully, he slowly spread his fingers. Her rhythm against him remained steady. He continued to stroke his fingers in and out of her, making sure she was ready. He pulled his fingers out of her, and positioned his cock at her anus. He took a deep breath. "Tell me if this hurts," he whispered, and then pushed against her. She continued to hold his gaze, her eyes getting wider as he continued to press into her. Anton's cock was much bigger than just two fingers, and the more he pushed the more it burned. She tried hard to relax, to push back against him, but it didn't seem to be helping. Her voice strained, she said, "Wait--stop!" He froze, then pulled back slightly, still not inside her, and now not even touching her. Breathing heavily, she pointed towards the lotion. "Put some on you. You're a lot bigger than your fingers, Anton." "I'm sorry." He leaned forward and kissed her mouth, apologizing as he nipped at her lips. Sitting up, he grabbed the lotion and squirted a generous dollop into his palm. Making sure Bryn was watching his every move, he stroked his cock, spreading the lotion entirely over it. He then rubbed the extra lotion on her anus again, and repositioned his cock. "Ready to try again, Bryn?" She nodded, pushing out against him. She smiled slightly as he pressed one hand down on her stomach, pressing his thumb directly onto her clit. She let out a moan, feeling his firm pressure against her ass. The burning sensation started again, getting progressively worse, but she wasn't about to stop him. When he tried to pull back, she grabbed his ass and pushed him even tighter against her. She cried out as his cock head suddenly popped through the tight muscle of her anus, pulsing inside of her. She pushed her hips up to meet him, silently urging him to keep moving deeper, breathing heavily at how huge he felt inside of her. He rocked in shallow thrusts, slowly inching himself further into her. She was tight and hot, and he had to bite the inside of his lip to keep from cumming from the pressure on his cock. Gently stroking his thumb around her clit, he pressed further into her, watching for any sign of pain. Balls flush against her ass, he curled over her to kiss her throat. Her breath was coming out as moans with every exhale, and she couldn't seem to keep her legs still as they shifted and slid against the blankets. She couldn't remember feeling so full in her life, so stretched and tight. Her sex continued to leak moisture, the tiny opening fluctuating as if searching for his cock. "God...I can't even think of anything to say." She was nearly breathless. "I'm speechless!" She licked her lips, kissing his forehead. "Do you like it?" "God yes, Bryn," he growled low. Pushing himself up on to one arm, he started thrusting gently. Deeper thrusts than earlier, but still gentle. His thumb never stopped circling her clit, coming oh so close to stroking over her. "Do you like it?" She nodded, smiling at him. "It's still tight...but it feels good. You always make me feel good." She bit her lip, shifting her hips to try to get his finger where she wanted it. The resulting movement of his cock inside of her sent a sharp twinge of pain through her, but it quickly passed and she hurried to reassure him. "I'm okay. It was just a cramp." She panted, turning her head to kiss his arm. "I love you. You're so gentle. This feels so good, sugar." His thrusts became a bit faster, his breathing heavier. The tight stimulation was quickly proving too much for him. "Bryn, you feel so wonderful. So tight. I want...I need you to cum for me, Bryn." His thumb firmly pressed down on her clit, as his panting increased. She whimpered, rocking against him, and slid her hand down next to his. Pushing two fingers inside of her, she pressed them against the upper wall of her sex and moved them in a tight circle, enjoying the almost pained look on his face. "Mmm, Anton..." As she grew closer to orgasm, she tightened her sex around her fingers, which in turn tightened her anus around his cock. She felt him jerk against her, letting out a hoarse shout as he started to cum. And the sudden heat filling her was all she needed to push her over the edge. She let out a shriek, bucking her hips against him, shaking with an intense orgasm that curled her toes. Gasping for breath, he hovered over her, watching her writhe beneath him. Unable to support his weight any longer, he slipped out and collapsed beside her. Trembling and trying to catch his breath, he buried his face in her neck. "That...was...incredible...my...dear." He kissed her neck, lapping at the sweat on her skin. She turned on her side to face him, still quivering, and grabbed his hand. Pushing it between her legs, she guided two of his fingers into her sex, letting him feel that she was still spasming. She whimpered, biting his shoulder as she held his hand in place and rocked herself on his fingers. Coaxing more waves of her orgasm to surface. Making the entire bed tremble with her movements. Grinning, he also let his thumb rub against her clit. His grin grew wider as she arched against him again, crying out. As much as he wanted to take her again, Anton knew he couldn't maintain an erection if his life depended on it. So he contented himself by nuzzling her neck as she curled against him, panting heavily. "I think you liked that, my dear." Sweaty and sated, she shuddered with her last tiny aftershock and gave him a satisfied grin. She kissed his shoulder, up his collarbone, and finally his Adam's apple as she settled against him, rubbing her legs against his. She couldn't seem to catch her breath, and closed her eyes in concentration. After a moment, she peeked an eye open and murmured, "We can do that again anytime you want." He chuckled quietly. "Oh, we will. And the same goes for you." Giving a deep contented sigh, he kissed her forehead. His hand gently stroked down her side to rub her stomach. And with a slight grunt, he grabbed the blankets and pulled them over their bodies. About to drift off to sleep, he forced his eyes back open. "I forgot to ask. How did things go at the gym?" She gave a quiet whimper, rubbing her nose against his chest. She felt like she needed a shower, but she was far too exhausted to move. Yawning, she said, "It was okay. I didn't have any workout clothes and no one went with me, but the place looks nice. Maybe you could come with me some time." Snuggling closer, she kissed his lips before resting her head on his chest. "I'm thinking about going on Tuesdays and Thursdays once I get some gym clothes. The guy who showed me around said he even teaches a separate fencing class if I'd be interested in joining. I think it sounds like fun." "It does sound like fun, my dear. If you want to, go for it and take the lessons. We could start sparring together. I can probably join you about once a week." He gently brushed his lips over her forehead. "You know, as much as I don't want to move right now, I could really use a shower. What do you say we take one together?" Bryn nodded, and playfully ran her hand over his chest. "And if you're lucky, sugar, I'll drop the soap." End Chapter Fifty-two <- Previous Chapter | Home | Next Chapter ->