Chapter Eighty-five He had spent a restless night sleeping, between Max's demands to be fed and Bryn's revelation that she was expecting him to leave her. Tired and in a need to talk to someone, he headed over to the werewolves' home. Nathaniel and Lindy had their own burdens to bear right now, and didn't need to hear about his uncertainties. Knocking on the door, he waited for someone to answer it. After a few minutes, Jess came to the door. "Hey, Anton," she said, immediately smelling something was upsetting him. "What's wrong?" "I, ah, need to talk," Anton said. "Do you mind..." "No, not at all. Come on in." She held the door open for him. He followed her inside to the kitchen. "Alex went into town, and Walter and Amanda are out shopping. Can I get you some coffee or anything?" "Please." He watched as Jess pour him and herself a cup. The werewolf took a seat at the table across from him. "So tell me, Anton. What's on your mind?" He took a deep breath. "Bryn thinks I'm going to leave her. No, not now," he said, forestalling Jess' outburst. "She told me that she doesn't believe in a love that lasts forever. The most she expects is twenty years for us." Jess cocked her head at him, hand on her coffee cup. "And is that true?" "No!" Anton looked insulted by her question. Jess put her hand up in a conciliatory gesture. "I'm just checking, Anton. So, do you have any idea why she feels this way?" He shook his head. "I don't know. I've been thinking over every time I've told her I'll love her forever, trying to figure out where she got the idea. I think it has to do with the fact that her parents had a hard time showing affection to her after her abduction. And that they don't appear to be the most affectionate couple." He sighed. "She's told me that everyone she loves eventually leaves her. She actually said last night that she knew that I was going to leave her, and I should just get it over with. And I don't know how to convince her otherwise." On his way to the kitchen, Mulder paused and reached back for his coffee cup. Although he thought he and Jess were the only ones remaining in the house, he could hear two voices coming from the kitchen. Listening for a moment to make sure he wasn't going interrupt an important conversation, he was riveted by Anton's words about his wife's abduction. He'd been wanting to talk to the couple about possibly discussing her abduction, but he couldn't figure out how to do so without just blurting it out. Maybe with a little insight into their background, he could find a way to broach the subject more subtly. Careful not to be seen, he moved closer to the wall, under the pretense of examining the books on the shelves. "I don't know that you can convince her, Anton," Jess said. She turned her cup back and forth, watching the ripples in it, trying to figure out what to say next. "I mean, you never left any of your other wives, or vice versa, right?" "No," Anton said. "Natasha killed Stephana, and I thought that she had left me. And Alexandra did leave me after she discovered she was pregnant with another man's child." He shook his head. "You'd think, since she discovered that she was my wives in past lives, that she'd remember all this!" Mulder perked up considerably with that tidbit of information. Taking a step forward, he forgot about the small pedestal table that was holding up the potted fern. The whole stand started to tip and he leapt forward, catching the plant just as it slipped out of its pot. He sighed, wincing as the pot bounced on the floor and the pedestal table bounced against his thigh. Listening quietly to figure out if he'd been heard, he didn't hear a break in their conversation. Hands muddy, he grabbed the pot and shoved the plant back inside. The solved the problem with the plant, but not with his hands. Looking around desperately for something to wipe his hands on, he kept one ear on the conversation. "You can't expect her to do that, Anton. She just found that out recently. And trust me, it's hard to override the messages that your parents send you." "I know, and I'm trying to be understanding. I really am. But it frightens me when she says things like that. I worry that she'll decide she's tired of waiting for me to leave her and do it herself." He rubbed his eyes. "I came this close," he held his forefinger and thumb barely a centimeter apart, "this close to Transforming her last night. And I almost did it despite her saying no." He shook his head. "I don't know what to do." "You thought about relationship counseling? And does this have to do anything with what you and Alex discussed?" [Yes! Relationship counseling!] Mulder thought, hands balling into fists. He grimaced, looking down at the dirt squishing between his fingers. [He wants to Transform her? I wonder if they could be talked into letting me observe...?] "No, I don't think so." "Which usually translates to 'Yes, but I don't want to admit it," in my experience Anton." Jess gave him a half smile. "Look, I'm not going to push you about talking about that, unless you want to." "Not yet," Anton said brusquely. "Okay. But do give some thought to the couple counseling. Or even just some one-on-one. It helps, believe it or not." "I never really thought I needed it," Anton said. Before Anton could talk himself out of needing counseling, Mulder hurried forward, up the back steps to the kitchen, making quite a bit of noise. Looking embarrassed wasn't hard at all. "Uh, hi." He held up his muddy hands, thinking up a quick lie. "I was outside...playing with Chandra's dog, and I kind of got messed up. You guys mind if I wash my hands?" Jess cocked her eyebrow, but nodded. "Go right ahead." She turned back to Anton. "So what do you want to do?" "I don't know. I don't even know if Bryn's willing to talk to anyone." "Well, maybe Anne knows someone you could talk to." On his way to the sink, Mulder paused...and then started walking again. [Maybe Anne knows someone? And you don't?] Peeved, he stopped just before pushing up the handle on the faucet. "Oh, Jess, I've been meaning to tell you that Lindy and I are making a lot of progress with her therapy. She's doing a great job...makes progress every day..." "So you said," Jess murmured. "Yup." Mulder turned on the faucet, running his hands under the water. "I, uh...I don't want to be presumptuous, but it looks like our therapy is benefiting her relationship with Nathaniel, too." "Really, Mulder?" She winked at Anton. "Then you must be too busy handling them to help out Anton and Bryn. I wouldn't want to overburden you." "Overburdened?" He stopped himself just before blurting out "That's preposterous!" like a stuffy Englishman. "Jess, I'm a professional. I think I can handle more than one session a day. I may not have sat behind a desk in a psychiatric capacity before, but I have all of the necessary training. I can handle a normal workload like any other trained psychologist. And I'd be happy to help out you and your wife, Anton." Anton didn't look too enthused about it. He was still the enemy, the man doggedly determined to expose the truth to the world. And he had no desire to have vampires revealed as reality and not myth. "I don't know." "Give it a thought, Anton, and talk to Bryn about it," Jess said. "He does know what he's doing, although I'd argue that 'professional' statement. Cause the last time I checked, professionals didn't listen in on private conversations, and carry half the dirt from my favorite fern's pot under their nails." Looking innocent, she lifted the mug and took a long drink. Mulder had the good grace to keep his mouth shut. For a few minutes anyway. After he shook and dried off his hands, he gave them an apologetic look. "I hear in people in need, and I want to help." He bit back a sneer at the dubious look Jess gave him. "I was just coming back to refill my coffee, but...well, you know the rest. Anyway, in all sincerity, Anton, I do think I could help you, if you're interested. And you'd have a hundred percent assurance that whatever you say stays in my confidence." "Let me talk to my wife," Anton said stubbornly. He had to think about it himself. Plus the fact that Mulder had been listening in on their conversation didn't endear the former FBI agent to him. "Anyway, I think tomorrow might be a good time to start," Jess said. "It'll be the full moon, so we'll have Liam with us most of the night. Plus you won't be distracted by Chandra," she added. "What is going on between the two of you anyway?" Anton turned to look at Mulder, curious as to his reaction. "What's going on? Obviously not what you're thinking. She's a nice lady. We've been talking about her adjustment to being a wolf. Not therapy, just as friends." He crossed his arms over his chest, cocking his head. "Why, were you hoping for some good gossip?" Jess shook her head. "No. I was just double checking. From the way Chandra came storming back in last night, I had to wonder though." "You would have to talk to Chandra about that. I wasn't really involved with what happened." He glanced at Anton uncertainly, then checked his watch. "I've got about an hour before I need to go see Lindy, so I think I'll go take a short nap. It was nice to see you again, Mr. Rudenko." "Likewise," Anton said, even if he wasn't sure that he meant it. He waited to say anything more as Mulder left, and then made sure he heard steps going up the stairway before speaking again. "Are you sure he's the best choice, Jess?" "He knows what he's doing. And despite the reputation he's gained in supernatural circles, he's a man of his word. He won't betray the existence of vampires. No more than he's betrayed the existence of werewolves." She took another sip of her coffee. "Why don't you and Bryn go discuss it and let me know later on?" "Okay," Anton said, getting up from the table. "Thanks for the coffee. I'll see myself out." He heard Jess call out "Anytime," as he headed for the front door. He had a lot to think over now, and something to discuss with Bryn. Hopefully, she'd be willing to discuss it also. Bryn shut off her flashlight as they rode closer to the barn, finally able to see on the almost moonless night. Riding in the soft cloth carrier in front of her, Max looked around curiously, his little head covered with a gray flannel cap, hands fisted in her shirt. Lindy rode on Lily, Liam in a backpack style carrier behind her, excitedly squealing every few seconds, much to the annoyance of the horses. They'd gone out that night to catch up about everything that had happened lately--Lindy's therapy, the fight between Chandra and Mack, Bryn's impending Transformation. After nearly an hour on horseback, they'd moved on to lighter topics. "What are you guys doing for Valentine's day?" Bryn asked. "It would be nice if you could go out for a romantic evening.Ó "I don't know. Nate and I haven't discussed it any yet. Plus I kinda feel bad about asking my parents to watch Liam that night. They deserve to go out and celebrate too." She didn't want to mention that nothing physical had been happening between her and her husband, and it didn't look like anything would soon. "How about you and Anton? Any wild plans?" "No, nothing planned...for going out, anyway. We'll probably just stay home. Although, I guess you could call that a plan." She paused for a moment, wondering how to say her next statement without sounding like she'd gone insane. "We, um, we're trying to have another baby." Lindy's jaw dropped. "Already?" She looked stunned. "But you just had Max! I thought you'd want to wait a little while, you know. Heal up some?" She shook her head. "You don't have to do it just because I prophesied it. I wouldn't mind being wrong for once." Bryn managed a small laugh. "We're not doing it because of you, Lindy. And I'll have time to heal up before I start getting all huge again." She sighed. "Maybe it's not the right time, because we're--*I'm* having some problems. But Anton wants to Transform me, as soon as possible. And I told him I wanted to have another baby first. I don't want him to miss out on that chance to have a little girl." "Is that the only reason you're trying to get pregnant now, Bryn? Because he wants a daughter as well as a son?" Lindy shook her head. "If he wants to Transform you soon, Bryn, he may have to give up on the thought of having another child." "No. I've always wanted to have a little girl." She was quiet for a moment, her eyes watering a bit. "Ever since I was a teenager, maybe before that, I believed that I'd never have children. I thought that was for people who fell in love and got married, and I never thought that would happen to me. I daydreamed about it, but I didn't let myself believe it. And then Anton came along, and I was so happy. I smiled so much I thought my face would break. And I got married, and had my baby...but the whole time, I was wondering when I would wake up from my daydream. I never told him about what I was thinking, until last night. I told him that I don't believe in forever, that I don't believe we're going to last--and I hurt him very badly. So, yes, I am partially doing this for him, because I love him so much and I never wanted to hurt him. But I'm also doing it for me, because I never thought it was possible." "Bryn, if you don't think this is going to last, what's the point of being Transformed? Don't you think that will hurt him worse, knowing that you're still around one hundred years from now, but you aren't together?" Lindy reached behind her and dislodged Liam's grip on her ponytail. Sabryn shot her a dark look, but refrained from saying something nasty. "I'm not trying to hurt him. I'd never do that." Instead of waiting for Lindy's reply, she nudged Moonshine into a trot and headed for the barn. Max made soft grunting sound with every bounce, but didn't cry out in pain or anger. Ducking her head to fit under the stall doorway, she pulled back on the horse's reins. Sighing, Lindy guided Lily to follow Bryn into the stable. She hadn't meant to upset Bryn, but it was a question that she should think about. Not certain what to say, she pulled up Lily just inside the stable and dismounted. She put Liam down on a nearby bale of hay and started to unsaddle her mare. As she was leading Lily into her stall, Anton appeared at the doorway. "Hi Bryn, Lindy. Did you enjoy your ride?" Bryn nodded but didn't say anything, as she slid off of the horse. Unstrapping herself from the carrier, she held out Max. "Will you take him while I removethe saddle?" Anton nodded and took his son. He watched as Bryn pulled the saddle off of Moonshine. Lindy was in Lily's stall and oddly silent as she brushed her mare. Something was up between the two of them. He looked down at Max. "So did you enjoy your first horsey ride, Max?" Wiping down Moonshine's back with towel, Bryn said, "He was looking around a lot. I think next time I should have him facing forward. He didn't cry or anything, so I guess that's a good sign." She walked back to shut the back door to the stall, before removing the horse's bridle. Then she picked up the hose to give him some fresh water. "I talked to Lindy about what we decided last night. She thinks it's a bad idea for you to Transform me." Anton glanced at Lily's stall. "I did not say that," Lindy snapped. "I said...never mind what I said." She didn't want to get drawn into a fight now. She wasn't feeling up to it. Finishing up with Lily, she slipped out of her stall. "I'll talk to you guys later." Without saying anything more she picked up Liam and walked out of the stable. Bryn turned off the faucet and dropped the hose, pushing her hair back from her face. She grabbed the curry comb and drew it over the animal's back, completely ignoring the fact that Anton was still staring at her. After a moment, she stopped, flung the curry comb into the corner, and slumped down on the floor. "Maybe she's right. Transforming me would probably end up hurting you. We should probably wait to make sure it's something you really want. That and having another baby." "What?" Anton looked shocked. Had he pressured her into both a second child, and becoming a vampire? "Are you saying you've changed your mind, Bryn?" Carefully he slid down the wall beside her, close enough to where she could reach over if she wished. "I know it's something I want, Bryn. But only if you want it as well. Both Transformation and a second child." She planted her forehead against her bent knees, closing her eyes. "I do. But Lindy said that if I'm unsure about whether or not we'll still be together then I shouldn't be Transformed...because I'll only end up hurting you." She wrapped her hands over the back of her neck. "I never should have told any of this to anyone. I should've just shut up and left well enough alone. I hate what it's doing to us." "Bryn," Anton said softly. He put his arm around her and pulled her close to his side. "No, it's something we should talk about. Something we need to be sure about before we do anything - get you pregnant or Transform you." He kissed the top of her head. "I was thinking. Maybe we should talk to Mr. Mulder while he's here. Or if not him, we find someone to do a little marriage counseling for both of us." She turned into his embrace, wrapping her arms around him as well. Wiping her cheek against his shirt, she nodded. "Okay." She sniffled. "Do you think he'd be willing to talk to us?" "I know he will. I went to talk to Jess, and he was practically drooling at the prospect." Anton lightly rocked her. "I think he'd be ready to start tomorrow night. Tonight if we asked him." He tilted her head to look up at him. "Are you willing to give it a try, Bryn?" She nodded. "I don't want what I said to mess up our marriage anymore than it already has." Shivering, she nodded towards the door. "Can we go home? I'm hungry." [You haven't messed up our marriage,] Anton thought and almost said. But he didn't think that Bryn would listen to him. "Yes. Let's go get something to eat." He stood up and then helped her to her feet. But instead of walking away, he pulled her into a tight hug. "It's going to be okay, Bryn." She hugged him back tightly, shuddering at the feel of his arms around her. It felt so incredibly good to be held and loved by him, to feel his comforting was sincere. She didn't want to let go. "I love you, Anton. I'll always love you." He kissed the top of her head again. "I love you so much, Bryn. And I always will. I'm never going to leave you." [And some day you will believe it.] He wrinkled his nose, staring at the screen like a rubberneck driving past the scene of an accident. The remote control hung limply from his fingers, forgotten. On the television, the Japanese Iron Chef was arranging sautŽed fish heads on a platter, preparing his dishes for the panel of judges, using parts of cod that most chefs would discard. [Oh, that's just disgusting...] He jumped when the front door slammed. Glancing back at the hallway, he saw Liam crawling across the floor and knew Lindy wasn't far behind. "Hey, you're missing Iron Chef--" He paused when he saw the scowl on her face. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," she said, although something was clearly wrong. She stomped into the kitchen. Yanking the refrigerator open, she grabbed a can of soda with a jerk. And when she popped the top, it exploded in a fountain of carbonated fizz. "Damn it!" She grabbed a tea towel and started mopping at the mess on the counter. He raised an eyebrow, sitting up a bit more. "It's a Morimoto battle. He's making fish heads." As Liam came crawling over to him, he picked up the boy and tickled him until he squealed. Projecting his voice, he said, "So, are you going to tell me about what's not wrong?" After draining the half empty can in the sink, she tossed it in the recycle bin. Looking at the soaked tea towel, she made a face. "I tried to give Bryn some advice, and she twisted what I said." She swiped at the counter one more time and then put it in the sink as well. "Bryn said that she and Anton were going to have another baby right away, that or Transform her soon. I said she should do it only if she wants to, not for Anton's sake. Well, she then said that she doesn't think she'll be with him in twenty years. So I asked her what's the point of being Transformed if she's going to leave him?" Lindy sighed. "She rode off in a huff." "Another baby right away? God, why don't they just have a litter and get it over with?" He glanced back at the television again, still transfixed by the ostentatious show. After a few seconds he tore himself away, standing up to walk in the kitchen. "What do you mean she doesn't think she'll be with him in twenty years?" "Exactly that. She doesn't think she'll be with him twenty years from now." She opened the refrigerator, looking for another soda. "So when Anton came into the stables, she told him that I said that I thought he shouldn't Transform her. Which I did not." She slammed the door shut, frustrated by the situation and the fact that there weren't any more sodas left. He leaned against the counter, letting Liam slide down to the floor. "What did Anton say?" "Nothing. He just looked at me, and I denied it." "I don't get it. Since when does she think they won't be together in twenty years? And why are you letting it bother you so much?" "Apparently she's felt this way the whole time." Lindy leaned back against the counter. "I thought we were friends. I didn't want to get involved in the middle of a fight between them." She sighed. "I'm not sure why I'm so upset." "Lind, I hate to tell you this, but your perception of things is a little skewed. Who was it that taught you when you have an argument with someone, that means your relationship with them is over?" He cocked his head, staring at her. "You've worried about that with me more than once, and now you're doing the same with Bryn." "I don't know." Lindy walked over to him. "Maybe it's something we should discuss with Mulder. I never really fought with Mom either, or Alex, or Walter. Every so often Amanda and I would have a big blowout, but just the normal sister stuff." He settled his hands on her shoulders, squeezing gently. "Yeah, I think it is something we need to talk to Mulder about." Pulling her closer, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and settled his chin on her head. "I don't know what's going on between Anton and Bryn, but it sounds like something that they need to work out for themselves. It was unfair of her to bring you into it, but just because you had argument doesn't mean that she's not your friend anymore. From the way it sounds, she probably needs your support now more than usual." "Yeah," Lindy said. "I just don't get it. I wouldn't have let you Transform me if I had thought there was a chance of us breaking up. I wouldn't want to put you through that heartbreak." She looked over at Nate. "Are you ever jealous of them? About the fact that Max is their own kid, and they could have more if they wanted?" "A little bit. I think there'd be something wrong with me if I wasn't. But I'm certainly not jealous of him going through her hormonal mood swings. Sometimes I wonder how he puts up with it. Then again, she does have him whipped like a horse." He sighed, tightening his arms around her. "The thing I'm really jealous of is them being able to have their kid and not worry about anyone wanting to take him." "Me too." Lindy sighed and leaned harder against him. "I wish we knew what was up with Marrok. He let me go, but there's nothing saying that he won't change his mind and come back." Lindy couldn't repress the full body shiver. "We haven't seen any sign of him, and I can't help but wonder if he's just toying with us." "If he is, he's going to regret the day he was born." He glanced down at Liam, who was using his pant leg to climb to his feet. "What would you think if we went to Hawaii for Valentine's day? Just the three of us. We could stay for a few days, or a week or more. Hell, I don't care if we stay permanently." Lindy looked down at Nate and smiled. "Go back and visit Niko? That sounds like fun." She sighed. "I'm starting to think I should just resign from work. I'm not going to be going back any time soon, and it'd be easier on Anton to look for a permanent replacement." "I do think you should take the time to get back on your feet before you even think about working, Lind. I'd suggest that you ask Bryn about taking over for you, but I don't think she'd do it." He thought for a moment. "What about your mom? Does she like staying home, or would she consider going to work a few hours a day?" Lindy shrugged. "I hadn't thought of it. I'll talk to Mom, but she'd have to be taught a few things before she could take over. She's busy mothering everyone right now, but I'm sure she'd like to get out of the house more." She looked up at Nate. "Do you think I overreacted and should go apologize to Bryn?" "No, I don't, Lindy. I think it was immature of her to bring you into her problems. If anything, she should be apologizing to you and not the other way around." He sighed, staring down at her. "To tell you the truth, I don't really think she's the best person for you to be hanging around right now. She does need your support, but you need hers even more and she isn't able to give it. She's too absorbed in her own problems, and I think she's only going to drag you down with her if you try to help. Let Anton deal with her. When she's ready, she can come to you and be your friend." "Okay." She wasn't sure she completely agreed with everything Nate had said. Yes, she did want Bryn's support now, but Bryn had problems she needed help with too. But right now she didn't have the energy to deal with both of their problems. Hers were draining enough. "Of course, that means I'll have to hang out with you more." She looked up at him. "You think you can handle that?" "I'm sure I can find a way," he said, smiling. "What do you say we take this to the couch? We've still got about a half hour until Mulder shows up. We could curl up there and make-out for a while." He waggled his eyebrows at her. "Sure," she said a bit shyly. They hadn't resumed lovemaking yet. But they were getting closer to it. She and Nate and been fooling around some, reminding her of when they were first dating. "How could I resist an offer like that?" He grinned, lacing his hand together with hers. Glancing around to make sure all of the childproof cupboards were closed, he led Lindy around their son and into the living room. It was nice to hold her hand again, to feel giddy in her presence. He missed that time they spend together before they were married, when problems didn't seem to exist. When they could spend the whole day in bed, talking, flirting, and messing around. He wanted to bring that friendship back into their marriage, to stop worrying so much about being husband and wife and just enjoy being Nate and Lindy. Settling down on the couch, he pulled her into his lap and nibbled on the side of her neck. Lindy tilted her head back, giving him easier access to her neck. She missed this - the two of them just messing around without it having to lead anywhere. She let out a soft sigh and gently stroked her hands over his shoulders. It was easy to close her eyes and let all her worries drift away. The only problem was they would be waiting for her when she opened them again. He kissed his way down her throat, pausing to dip his tongue into the hollow at the bottom. She tasted like chocolate chip cookies, fresh-baked apple pie, steak and potatoes...every food he'd ever craved, the stuff that made his mouth water just thinking about it. She was his favorite flavor, his elegant white lily, his work of art, his softest blanket and his European symphony. She made his hair stand on end, his cells quiver, and his heart hunger. He knew how very lucky he was to have her, and he wasn't about to relinquish the tiniest bit of her love. Selfish, perhaps. Greedy, most definitely. He couldn't get enough of her, even with forever to try. And that he was determined to do. She melted further against him, relishing the heat of his body against hers. In some ways she felt guilty about this - that they would both get hot and bothered, and she's be unable to take it any further. But she hungered for his touch, craving his reassurance. Her fingers continued to play over his shoulders and the upper part of his chest. Nate slid sideways until he was reclining on the couch, pulling her on top of him. His hands covered her ass, squeezing lightly. Pulling back to look at her face, he took in the passion he saw there. Heavy-lidded, flushed, and panting, she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. "You're so pretty, baby. You look like a goddess in my living room. I feel like I should be kissing your toes." Lindy grinned, blushing a bit. She still wasn't completely comfortable accepting his compliments. "So are you going to build an altar to me over by the fireplace?" She stretched out on top of him, lightly kissing his lips. "Mmm...how about I turn our whole bedroom into an altar? I could put our bed on a pedestal." He kissed her, lightly pulling on her lower lip. "Hang sheer drapes around it. Give you gold satin sheets. Burn incense. And then I'll sacrifice myself to you every night." Brushing her hair out of the way, he nibbled on her earlobe. "What do you think about that?" "I could live with that." She turned her head so that her lips brushed against his. She lightly nibbled on Nate's lower lip. She ran her fingers through his soft dark hair, sighing in contentment. She was feeling more relaxed, more comfortable, more at ease than she had in a long time. Pulling her closer, he opened his mouth to suck on her lip, cradling her jaw with his hands, teasing open her mouth with his tongue. He kissed her deeply, slowly, tasting every surface of her mouth. Although he could feel his erection growing by the second, he didn't want to rush this. Not yet. They had forever to work their way back to each other. He wasn't in any hurry. When they finally made love again, it would be something they'd both remember for the rest of their lives. She let out a slight whimper, feeling his arousal growing against her stomach. As good as it felt, she kept her touches light, not quite ready yet. Instead she concentrated on how he was tasting every corner of her mouth. It reminded her of before they were married, when they were still getting comfortable around each other. Nate slid his hands down the front of her shirt, lightly cupping her breasts. He smiled against her mouth at the whimper she let out. Sucking on her tongue, he carefully passed his thumbs back and forth, in painfully slow sweeps, across her tight nipples. He could hear Liam behind them, playing with his toy truck, the siren wailing intermittently. But for once he didn't mind the noise. Short of the house catching on fire, he was another zone completely. She took a deep breath, pushing herself more firmly into his hands. She felt warm and safe in his arms. Growing a bit bolder, she let her hands start to slide up and down his arms and across his shoulders and upper chest. A small smile graced her lips. He slid his hands down to grab the hem of her shirt, pulling it up until it was bunched under her arms. Sitting up a bit straighter, he urged her up further along his body, lightly nipping at her breast, through the decorative lace of her bra. Encouraged by her moans, he sucked her fabric-covered nipple into his mouth and firmly pulled on her. She gasped, arching up to give him more access, and then gasped again at the feeling of his erection. Lindy bit on the inside of her lip. Letting her legs fall to straddle Nate's waist, her breath coming in soft sighs and moans. Nate groaned, his hand clutching her hip to gently shift her back and forth. Moving from one nipple to the other, he sucked avidly, enjoying the squeals she let out, his own breath coming fast and labored. Neither one of them heard the clearing of someone's throat, but the sudden knock on the wall made them both jump. Yanking Lindy shirt back into place, Nate sat straight up. He saw Fox Mulder standing there, trying to avert his gaze. "Is this a bad time?" he asked, more than a trace of amusement in his voice. Blushing bright red, Lindy scrambled off of Nate's lap and tucked her shirt back in her jeans. "Um no." She swung her legs over so she was now sitting upright while Nate did the same. "So I guess it's time for our next session?" "Uh, yeah...although, I think I might be a little early." Nate waved that statement away. "No, you're right on time. Sorry, we kind of forgot about you." "No problem." Mulder sat down in the chair across from them, casually crossing his legs. "So, I believe we left off discussing how things have progressed since you came home, Lindy. Are you noticing a marked improvement in your emotions, or is that something we still need to work on?" "Um...I think I'm doing better," Lindy said, brushing a lock of hair back behind her ear. "You think? You're not sure?" "Well, Bryn and I went out for a ride earlier tonight. We got to talking, and sort of got into a fight." "Sort of?" "I said something to her, and she twisted it when she told Anton about it. I denied it, and then kinda left." "Tell him what we discussed," Nate prompted. She sighed. "Nate said that I have a problem reconciling that having a fight with someone doesn't my relationship with them is over." "Do you think that's true? That you have that problem?" "Yes, I guess so." "And what do you think it stems from?" "I'm not sure." Lindy hunched over, wrapping her arms around her knees protectively. "I guess..." "Guess what, Lindy? It's safe to say." "I guess that it has to do with the fact that I got punished if I tried to fight against my abuser." "I think that would make just about anyone reluctant to get involved in an argument. So, after you've had a fight--or what you construe as a fight--you expect to get hit?" "I...no." "But you do expect some form of retaliation. And because of that, you decide it's better for you to leave the relationship than wonder when the repercussions will happen. Do you realize that you're cheating people out of loving you when you do that?" "No...I hadn't thought of it that way." She sat up and took a deep breath. "But..." "But what?" "But why can't I get past it? Nate and I have had some severe fights, and each time he said that he wasn't going to leave me. What if the next time, he does?" Nate turned to stare at her, his brow creased in astonishment. He wanted to say something, but how exactly did he respond to a question like that? Mulder glanced at Nate before answering her. "What if he does? Does that mean you were right, and he's leaving to punish you?" He held her gaze. "Think about it, Lindy. If Nathaniel were to leave you, do you think he'd only do it to punish you, or might he have his own issues to work out?" "He might..." "Let me ask you this--do you believe he's going to leave you?" "No, no I don't." Lindy bit her inside lip. "But I still worry about it. Or I worry about Mom saying that she doesn't want to see me any more. Or..." She trailed off. "Why am I so afraid that everyone I love is going to leave me, although I know they won't?" "Well, let me think." Mulder stared up at the ceiling, tongue between his teeth, pretending wrack his brain. "Your birth mother abandoned you. And you spent some of the most crucial years of your development being used and abused by a child molester. This may be just a guess, but I'm pretty willing to bet that you felt very alone and let down during that time. That was one of the very first things ever taught to you. Good people leave, and pain ensues. Now you need to work through the process of learning a different truth. When we recall something traumatic in our lives, be it consciously or unconsciously, we regress back to the age we were then. And everything we learned as adults disappears. I think it's time that little girl you used to be learns how to be loved." She took a deep breath, thinking over what he said. Before she would have put on a brave face and bluffed a denial. But this time, she knew that he was right. "I'm not sure that I know how," she admitted softly. "Well, you're in luck because I'm going to teach you. Why don't you get as comfortable as you can. If you need to lay down, go ahead and do so." She glanced at Nate, who stood up and moved to the love seat so she could lay down. Once she was settled, she looked back to Mulder. "Close your eyes. I want you to go back to your safe place, Lindy. Travel there whatever way you need to. Maybe you float there...or you could take a boat. Just visualize your arrival. The minute you step foot in that space, you can breathe free...your body becomes relaxed, muscles pliable...you walk to that big fluffy bed, so plush that you float like a cloud on it's surface. You're so warm with the blankets wrapped around you, like a big hug. You close your eyes, in total peace, feeling almost as if you could sleep all day and night. "Are you there, in your safe place?" Her breathing became slower as she relaxed. The little worry lines that had been present on her face since Mulder arrived smoothed out and faded away. "Yeah," she whispered. "Good. I want you to take a look around, Lindy. Do you see the white screen across from your bed? You're going to watch a movie today. You remember Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, don't you? They had Wonka-Vision in that movie, so the things on your screen were real. You could reach out and touch it, hold it, keep it for yourself. That's the kind of screen you're watching Lindy. Only, there isn't a chocolate bar there...there's a little girl, very young and scared, who has seen and felt unspeakable atrocities. She's you, Lindy, as a little girl, back in that same place you were held captive. She's all alone right now, but unsure of when her abuser will come back. And she'd like more than anything for someone to come rescue her. But she lives in the past, and can only visit your world for a short amount of time. She can't stay. You'd like to rescue her, wouldn't you, Lindy? To bring her into the safe place where nothing can hurt her?" "Yes," Lindy whispered, a tear running down her cheek. "How do I do that?" "Get up out of your safe, warm bed and walk to the screen. Then reach out and take her hand." He swallowed heavily, sharing a glance with Nathaniel. This was risky, and they both knew it. "She's not going to know who you are, Lindy. She's never seen you before. She probably hasn't talked to anyone but her abuser in a very long time. But you need to tell her that's she safe with you. You need to tell her who you are. Can you do that, Lindy?" The bed was so soft and so comfortable, it was hard to get out of it. But she did, despite the chill in the air. Or in her mind she did. Her body stayed firmly on the couch. "I'm going towards the screen now." She could clearly see the little blond girl on the screen, looking back at her. The little girl in a white cotton gown that was torn along the seams and ragged along the hem from rough handling. "I'm kneeling down now, in front of her, and offering her my hand" She mentally offered the child a smile, one that was mirrored on her face. "It's going to be okay." "Tell her that she may not believe you, but you aren't going to hurt her. She's safe with you, and you'll always be there for her. Let her know that you are in the safe place, and even though she can't always see it, the door to the safe place is always open when she needs it." The little girl stared at her dubiously, and then placed her small hand in Lindy's. "That's right," Lindy said, squeezing it gently. "It's going to be okay. You're not alone. I'm here for you." The child, who couldn't have been more than five years old looked at her, almost as if she recognized her older self. "Mama?" "No, sweetheart. I'm a friend." The girl thought that over for a moment and then stepped forward and put her arms around Lindy's neck. "It's okay," Lindy whispered, her arms lightly going around her body. "Hug me all you want. I'm here for you whenever you need me." Nate hung his head, squeezing his eyes shut to push away his tears. [I wish I could be there with you, Lindy. I'd tell her I would never hurt her, that not all men are evil. I'd tell her that she's safe with me, and I love her very much. I will always love her, and I'll never leave her...] "That's very good, Lindy," Mulder said, softly. "Now, this may be the hard part. You have to tell her that she can't stay here with you. That as much as you want her to be safe and protected, you can't change what is happening to her. The only thing you can do is offer her your support and unending love. She can visit this safe place for a little while, whenever she needs it, and it will make her feel strong. She can call out to you, and you'll hold her and love her. Let her know that no matter what, you'll always love her." "Sweetie, I'm sorry I can't stop him," Lindy said, her eyes welling up with tears. "But this is a safe place you can come to when you need to feel safe and warm, whenever you need it. You may not be able to see me, but I always think about you. And no matter what happens, I'll always love you. When things get too bad, come here, and I'll be waiting." Her younger self held tight to her. Suddenly she let out a frightened whimper and let go. Lindy released her and was about to ask what was going on when the air around her thickened and visibly darkened. "What's happening?" She turned to look at the child, who was backing into the corner, a look of sheer terror on her face. Only one person could have inspired that kind of fear in her. And yet she didn't feel afraid. She was angry. This was her safe place, her sacred space. This was no place for him to be. "What the hell are you doing here?" Nate lifted his head at those words, his expression darkening. "What's going on?" Mulder held up a hand to silence him. "Lindy, no one can come into your safe place unless you've invited them. Who's there with you?" "It's him," she spat. She stared up at the werewolf who had abused her. He was half Changed, gray fur bristling and growling. But Lindy wasn't cowed. "What do you want?" "What's mine." The werewolf's gaze shifted to the child. "She's not yours! *I* was never yours." Lindy could feel her fangs extend and her eyes start to flame. The werewolf let out one of the evil growling chuckles that always sent shivers up and down her spine. "You going to stop me? The little slut that asked to be raped? The stupid bitch who let herself be kidnapped and held captive? Who gave herself up to die? Who deserved everything that happened to her?" "How dare you! You lying piece of shit!" Now her anger blazed. "She didn't...I didn't deserve any of that. It was all your fault! Not mine!" [A weapon. I need a weapon!] She thought about one of the last things she had been assaying before Marrok had taken her. An old broadsword, one that was almost three feet of polished steel, and almost as sharp as the day it was forged. And there it was in her hand. Hefting it, she took a ready stance, one foot slightly behind the other. "If you want her, you have to come through me." "God damn it, get her out of there!" Nate yelled, his eyes focused on the reflected light from her extended fangs. He was ready to push Mulder out of the way, to shake Lindy out of her trance or whatever the hell this was, and drag her away from that creep. "Do something!" "Sit down," Mulder grated, through clenched teeth. "She's doing this on her own. If I pull her out now, she'll have that image stuck in her head, of him looming over her, about to attack her and the kid--is that what you want?" "I don't give a damn! That's better than letting him get to her!" "I said sit down. Now." She could vaguely hear Mulder and Nate arguing. But her attention was focused on the werewolf brandishing his claws at her. Backing up slightly under his advance, she called to the child. "Stay behind me, sweetheart. I'm not going to let him hurt you." Another evil chuckle. "You and what army, bitch? You weren't able to protect yourself from Marrok." "There was nothing I could do. He laid a trap that I couldn't have known about. It wasn't my fault." Lifting the sword higher, she stopped retreating and starting advancing. "None of it was my fault! This is my safe place! You're not welcome here! Now leave or face the consequences!" The werewolf roared and leapt forward, swiping at her. Lindy yelled out in surprise and anger as his claws scored her cheek, leaving five parallel grooves. Swinging her arms up, even she was surprised when the sword cut cleanly through his wrist, severing the paw. The werewolf stepped back, bleeding profusely and yelling in surprise and pain. Lindy's eyes flamed and she swung the sword again, this time lower to catch him in the thighs. She didn't cut through the legs, but two quick chops and he was hamstrung. As he collapsed to the floor, she quickly thought [Silver!]. The metal sword took on a different sheen as it transmuted to the new metal. Standing over him, point inches from his throat, she paused, and looked at the child. "Come here, sweetie." The child's wide frightened eyes went from her to the werewolf cowering on the floor, cradling his ruined arm. "It's okay, honey. He can't hurt you." After a little coaxing, the child came to her side, never looking away from her abuser. Lindy held out her hand to the child, like she had earlier. "Help me, please." The child looked at her doubtfully, but put her hand in Lindy's. Careful not to spook her, Lindy guided her to stand in front of her, and put her hands on the crosspiece of the sword. "We're going to do this together on the count of three. One. Two. Three." Ignoring the bastard's cries for mercy, they plunged the now silver sword through his heart. Desperate to calm Nate down, Mulder tried to get Lindy's attention. "Lindy? Is he gone?" Holding the little girl tightly, Lindy nodded and smiled. "Yes. We killed him." "Lindy, this is important. You have to listen to me. Whoever that is in your safe place...he isn't real. You can't let her believe that he's already dead, because she'll lose her will to fight. She has to believe she can kill him herself, Lindy. She has to believe that she *has* to kill him herself. No one else can do it for her." Lindy looked down at the child. She stared back up at her with those wide blue eyes. "That wasn't really him, was it?" she asked, almost as if she heard Mulder speaking. "I'm sorry, honey. It wasn't. But I wish it was." She knelt down again so that they were at an even height. "That was all the doubt, all the shame, all the fear, all the guilt that he put on us. Any time you feel scared, that you don't have any hope, that there's nothing you can do, I want you to think about right now, because you killed him. And I am so proud of you." Lindy hugged the child tight against her body again. "And one day, you're going to do it without my help. Yes, you are," she added when the child pulled back to look at her disbelieving. "You've already killed him once. You'll be able to do it again." The child hugged her tight again. "Don't go," she whispered. "Oh, sweetheart. I wish I could stay here with you forever." Lindy held her tight. "But we both have to go back. But this is your safe place too. You can come here any time you want, and you'll be safe." She took both of the child's hands in hers. "I am so proud of you, and I love you so much. And I want you to remember that, always." Nate sank back to the love seat, letting out a drawn-out sigh. He felt drained, so he knew Lindy had to be twice as empty and tired. All he wanted to do was wrap her up in a big blanket, settle her against him, and hold her tightly. To tell her again and again how brave she was. Mulder was also feeling the tension drain away. Settling his forearms on his thighs, he said, "That's very good, Lindy. Very, very good. Now, you need to say good-bye and let her go. You can come back whenever you want to, Lindy, but we need you here now." Lindy hugged the child one more time. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I need to go now." Taking her hand, Lindy walked her back to the movie screen the child first appeared on. "I love you. Don't ever forget that." In front of the screen, she knelt to hug the child one last time. Her heart almost broke when the little girl whispered 'I love you' back. Taking a deep breath, she stepped into the screen, holding Lindy's hand until the last possible minute. The child looked back at her, now separated from her by the screen and smiled the first happy smile Lindy had seen her wear. And then she was gone. Wiping her eyes, Lindy rocked back on her heels. She took one last look around her safe place. The body, if had ever been real, and the sword had disappeared. There was no sign of any intrusion. Everything was as it had been and it should be. Closing her eyes, she inhaled a deep breath... ...and exhaled. Opening her eyes, she looked over to Nate's worried eyes. "Whoah." Letting out a heavy exhale of his own, Nate walked over to her couch and sat down next to her, pulling her into a tight embrace, pressing his lips to her temple. "I'm so proud of you." Mulder gave them a minute to embrace, and then returned his gaze to Lindy. "Are you all right, Lindy? I didn't have a chance to lead you out of there slowly. But that may be a good thing. You were ready, to come back and face the present. How are you feeling?" "I'm tired, but it's a good tired." Lindy let out another deep sigh and leaned against Nate. "It got pretty intense there for a few minutes." "What happened, Lindy?" "He was there. My abuser. Or not really him, but all the bad feelings, the guilt, the pain. I don't know how he got there, but he was." "And what happened?" "I got mad," Lindy said simply. "That was the one place I thought I was free of him, and I wasn't going to stand for it. And I wasn't going to let him hurt that little girl any more. I wanted a weapon, and a sword appeared. Then I turned it to silver and let the little girl help me kill him." She let out a sad sigh. "It was so hard to let her go back. Even though I knew that eventually everything would be okay." "Not eventually, Lindy. Now. Everything is okay right now. You taught her to protect herself, how to be brave and strong. And he's dead now. You killed him, Lindy. He can't ever hurt you, or her, again. And you'll take that lesson with you. Whenever you think of Marrok, you'll remember what you're capable of. What you were always capable of. Anything you're scared of can be dealt with, if you believe it. "I'll tell you what--I think you worked very hard today, and that deserves a reward. So I'm giving you tomorrow off." He met Nate's gaze directly. "Tomorrow, we're going to work on slaying your demons, Nathaniel." "Whoopie," Nate muttered, morosely. Lindy took his hand, interlacing their fingers. "Don't worry. I'll be here to help you with that. We know that I know how to handle a sword," she added with a grin before yawning. "Well, seeing as I've worn you out, I think I'll see myself out." He walked over to gently rub Lindy's shoulder, his face serious. "You really did a great job tonight, Lindy. I know we're both proud of you. But I hope you're also proud of yourself." Lindy gently squeezed the hand Mulder rested on her shoulder, smiling up at him. "I am. Thanks." Both she and Nate watched as Mulder waved goodnight and walked out the front door. She let out a big whoosh of air and leaned back against Nate. "Well, what do you think about what happened? And where has Liam wandered off to?" "Turn around," he murmured. She started to turn around completely, but he halted her halfway. He pointed space next to loveseat, where Montel had curled up on the floor. Lying next to the cat with his butt in the air, Liam appeared to have fallen asleep in the middle of playing. "He was snoring a little while ago," Nate said, smiling. "As for you, I think I'm amazed. I was going to have Mulder pull you out of there the minute you said that bastard showed up. But he wouldn't let me. And he made the right call." He pulled her back against him, squeezing her tightly and kissing the top of her head. "I am very proud of you. You were really brave. And I think you definitely deserve that rest he promised." Lindy stretched against him, and then yawned. "I feel like I could sleep a week now." She twisted back to look at him, and then kissed his cheek. "So how about you? Are you up to slaying some of your demons?" He exhaled heavily, shrugging his shoulders. "I guess we'll find out, won't we?" Yawning, he said, "Man, I'm tired. It's awfully early though. What do you think--go to bed early, or make some sundaes and watch the Crocodile Hunter?" "Hmmm...I'm all for overindulging in hot fudge. Slaying your inner demon works up quite an appetite. But I think we should get Liam into bed first." She rolled over onto her stomach and kissed Nate lightly. "Thank you for being here for me, Nate. I don't think I could do any of this without you." "You're welcome." He kissed her softly in return. "I'm glad my being here helps you. And I hope you'll do the same for me...because there's no telling what's going to come out after nine hundred years of being bottled." She gave him a smile. "Trust me, after the demon I just slew, it'll be piece of cake." End Chapter Eighty-five <- Previous Chapter | Home | Next Chapter ->