Chapter Ninety-Five She woke with a start, the dream that had frightened her barely memorable. Shifting her gaze, she saw Anton watching her and settled back into his embrace. The last thing she remembered before falling asleep was the pilot telling his passengers they were about 30 minutes from their destination. Now as she became more cognizant of her surrounding, she realized they had started their descent towards Baltimore. "Bad dream?" Anton murmured, his hand stroking her arm. Bryn nodded, watching Max in the plush sling-like carrier Anton had around his neck and shoulder. "I don't remember why, but I was all alone. I couldn't find anyone. And I was so panicked." He gently continued to stroke her arm, offering what reassurance he could. "You'll never be alone again, my dear. I promise you that." He yawned, trying to get his ears to pop. Max whimpered in discomfort, and Anton gently patted his back. "Are you ready to face this, Bryn? You're father's meeting us at the airport, right?" She nodded at the latter question, and then said, "No, I'm not ready to face this. I don't think I ever will be. It's nerve-wracking enough to see my parents when everything in normal. Now, adding this..." She shook her head, sighing. "It's going to be really hard. I know John and Carly had a lot of problems. They married really young, because she was pregnant. He worked a lot and they ended up taking a big loan from her parents to buy the house. He always resented how they owed so much money, because her dad never let him forget it. John and Carly fought a lot, she went back to work at her parent's grocery store. And just as things started to settle down a bit, she got pregnant all over again. Plus, they ended up supporting me, too. But even through all of that, he really loved her. He always did, from the first time he saw her. I can't imagine what he must be feeling now. He must hurt so much." "Yes, he does." It was a pain that he knew all too well. "It's always painful to lose someone you love, Bryn. It always seems like there's never enough time, that there's always something unsaid." He made sure that the tray table in front of him was locked as the flight attendant walked up the aisle one last time. "He's going to need our support, Bryn. And I can't even imagine what your parents must be going through now." She nodded, bracing herself as they hit a patch of turbulence and bounced through the air. Looking sympathetically at Max, who had begun to cry, she gently stroked his belly. "I'm a little nervous about seeing them. I know Jolie is okay. She probably has some bumps and bruises, but at least she isn't in the hospital. But John and Chris...I may fall apart when I see poor Chris." She looked up into Anton's eyes, quietly saying, "You don't have to do this, and I'm very grateful that you are. That you're here with me. I don't know how to thank you for that." He took her hand and gently squeezed it. "Bryn, I wouldn't dream of letting you face this on your own. I will always be here for you. *Always.*" He lightly rocked Max, trying to soothe his son. "And I do have to do this, Bryn. Your family is mine. I just hope I can be of help. I know a lot of what John must be going through, but I don't know that he's going to want to hear that from me." He squeezed her hand again. "You're going to need to be strong for him, Bryn. For him, Jolie, and Chris." Twin tears falling from her eyes, she nodded. "I know. I'm going to try as hard as I can." Leaning closer, she cupped the side of his face and gently kissed his mouth. "Please don't feel like you always have to be strong for me. I can do this. I know I can. I'm just very happy you're here." She squeezed his hand even harder as the airplane's flaps began to slow them much faster than before. Glancing out the window, she could see by the lights that it wouldn't be long before they were on the ground. She let out a shuddering breath, starting to shake with nervousness. "It's almost time. Don't let me forget the diaper bag." "I won't, my dear." The engines whined as the plane went lower still. He continued to hold her hand, stroking his thumb over the back of it, hoping to calm her down some. "Bryn, if it would helpful, we could move back here for a while to help with Jolie and Chris if it's too much for John to handle alone. I know your parents are here, but it might be helpful to have another set of hands around. Lindy could easily run the warehouse day to day, consulting with me on the phone or email when needed." She stared at him for a moment, swallowing heavily. "You'd actually want to do that? I mean, that would be asking a lot of you, Anton. I know you like being at the warehouse. And...well, it's not exactly the comforts of home being here." She shook her head. "I'm just baffled. That you'd really want to do that for me. For them. To be honest, I'm not even sure *I* want to do that for them." "We don't have to do that, Bryn." He looked her in the eyes. "It's an option I wanted you to be aware of. We don't have to do it, Bryn. I know how hard it is to lose a wife firsthand, Bryn. Each person reacts to grief differently. I just wanted to know that if you thought it would help, I'm willing to do it. It won't be fun or easy, but it's an option." "Thank you," she said, softly. "I didn't mean to make you think I wasn't grateful." She jumped as the wheels touched the ground, making the entire plane shudder. The skid of rubber on cement was deafening, as were the brakes that engaged a few seconds later. Staring out the window, she saw the main terminal of BWI, the Baltimore/Washington International airport. Rain slicked her window, bouncing off the wing of the plane in a steady onslaught. Bryn felt a strong surge of emotion, homesickness filling her. It had been almost eleven months ago that they left this airport heading west. She hadn't expected coming home to feel so good. Sniffling, she brushed at her face. "I hope Dad's already here. I don't want to wait." "Neither, do I, Bryn." They waited for the majority of passengers to disembark before they stood up, giving them more room to maneuver. Handing Max over to Bryn, he opened the overhead compartment to pull out the diaper bag. Indicating for Bryn to go to the first, the exited the plane, heading past the security gates. Scanning the crowd, he spotted Steven in the second row of people. He raised his hand in greeting, as burdened he was by the carry-ons and diaper bag. Bryn saw her father wave back and felt something in her chest squeeze. Carefully weaving her way through the crowd, she walked over to where he stood and let out a soft whimper as he pulled her into an embrace. Even as he hugged her tightly, he was careful not to squeeze Max. "Hello, Anton," he said, over her shoulder, and Anton said hello as well. And even though she thought her father might not want the hug to end so soon, she pulled away from his embrace. Steven shook Anton's hand. "I'm so sorry about what has happened, and your loss," Anton said, somberly. Nodding, Steven said, "I am too." Looking at Max, he shook his head. "This looks like an entirely different kid. Can I hold him?" "Yes," Bryn said, handing him over. Max looked like he wanted to cry, but only let out a soft whine as Steven bounced him in his arms. Now that she had her arms free, Bryn grabbed the diaper bag from Anton to lighten his load. "Is Mom at the hospital?" "Yeah. She took Jolie to see her dad." He nodded with his head, leading them towards the the baggage claim. "I sure hope this is the right way. This is the first time I've been here." He smiled down at Max, who was staring at him with wide timid eyes. "Have you had a chance to eat? I think we should probably head to the hospital so we can get there before visiting hours end, but I can always drop you off and pick you up something at a fast food place." "I'm not hungry," Bryn said "How about you, Anton?" "I'm fine." He had fed shortly before they left the hotel. He wasn't certain he would have had a chance when they arrived. Plus he knew that Steven was still uncomfortable with his vampirism, and didn't want to put the man in an awkward position. "I think it would be best that we go to the hospital." They all headed off towards the luggage claim. "How is everyone taking it?" Anton asked softly. "Are the children aware..." Rubbing the back of his neck, Steven said, "Jolie is. She's very heartbroken. Can't seem to sleep and when she does, nightmares always wake her up right away. Carly's parents offered to take her home last night, but she doesn't want to leave her house. Meanwhile, Ted and Vanessa--they're Carly parents--have asked us to help with funeral arrangements. They want their daughter buried in the family mausoleum, but apparently John and Carly already made arrangements to be cremated." He shook his head. "It's all a big mess, and they're expecting us to talk John into changing his mind. They also said if Chris doesn't pull through, they'd like him to be placed there, too." Bryn winced at the emotion in his voice, the ache in her chest growing. "Chris is still unconscious?" Steven nodded, but wasn't able to elaborate. Glancing over at Anton, Bryn reached for his hand. They'd never even thought about what to do if she or Max died. She didn't think she could bear discussing it. Anton gently squeezed back. He didn't want to be thinking about what they eventually needed to discuss. What arrangements to make if he, Bryn or Max... Anton pushed away that thought. [It's not going to happen.] They continued on to baggage claim, waiting five minutes for the plane to be offloaded. After all the luggage was pulled off the turntable, they started towards Steven's car. Anton glanced at his watch. It was just after midnight, a good six hours until dawn. "I know it may not be a question you can answer, Steven, but is there anything we can do to help financially, or any other way?" Still bouncing Max, who was looking intently at his grandpa's fingers, Steven half-turned to look at Anton. "Gosh, you know, I wouldn't even know where to start. I think that would have to be a question for John. He's going to be out of work for a while, while he recovers and takes care of--well, he'll just be out. Not to mention his hospital bills and whatever cost for funeral arrangements, although I think the Warner's might be able to help with that. We may have to buy groceries and various things, depending on how long we need to stay. I guess we'll just have to see how things go." "That's very sweet of you to offer, Anton," Bryn said, hoping her father would get the hint. Steven cleared his throat. "Yes, thank you...very much." Looking around the parking lot, he noticed the American flag attached to his antenna and started in that direction. "Looks like we're right--ouch!" Bryn frowned, then noticed that Max had sunk his sharp vampire teeth into her father's thumb. She suddenly had to fight to keep from giggling. "I-I'm sorry, Dad...I guess he's hungry." Anton too, had to bite back a smile. "I'm sorry, Steven. Here, let me take him." Anton took Max back, cradling him in one arm and offering Max his finger. Max eagerly bit down and started sucking on his fingers. It was a small thing, but it comforted him, reminding Anton that life goes on, no matter what. He looked at Steven, watching Bryn's father carefully for his reaction to his son's obvious vampirism. "He didn't bite you to badly, did he?" Brow slightly furrowed, Steven held his thumb up for inspection, showing them the pinprick sized punctures that were slowly leaking blood. Wincing, Bryn set down Max's carrier and dug into her purse, opening a small package of tissues. "Here, Dad," she said, wrapping a couple of tissues around his thumb. "I don't think it will bleed to badly." Glancing back at Max, she said, "He fed on the plane. We didn't think he'd still be hungry." "It's all right," her father said absently, watching the baby suck voraciously at Anton's finger. "I didn't think he could do that. Bite, I mean." "Only when he needs to feed," Anton said. "It's the only time he shows his vampirism." Steven shook his head. "I know we've been told, and even seen, that you're a vampire--but I still have so much trouble believing it. You don't look--well, you look like any other guy. And then I think about what I know of vampires and I can't believe that my daughter married one. I certainly never would've dreamed that possible. Part of me is still waiting for you to turn into Nosferatu." Anton shook his head as well. "It's a convenient fiction that we keep alive - legends of the Nosferatu, Count Dracula, and so on. Make the monster so outrageous that people would consider us just to be things that go bump in the night. But most of us are just people, surviving the way we're forced to. We don't revel in evil, don't seek out perversion. We're just trying to exist as peacefully as our nature allows." Steven motioned for them to keep walking. Picking up the carrier, Bryn also grabbed a couple of the other bags and started walking, placing some on the cart her father was carrying. "How many vampires are there?" "Worldwide? Around a million. No one knows the exact number, because some choose to keep to themselves and refuse any association with others. For a while, especially in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, our numbers increased rapidly. There was very little order and because of poor communication methods, no one was able to enforce the rules that would keep us--and humans--safe. In the beginning of the last century, we began to unite, formed codes of conduct, and enforced severe penalties for breaking them." Stopping before his sedan, Steven unlocked the trunk and began loading the luggage inside. "And what is the code of conduct as far as changing a spouse into a vampire?" "The same as Transforming anyone else - by their consent only." Anton lifted Max a little higher in his arms. "I've seen what can happen when a person who doesn't want to be a vampire is made into one. I wouldn't inflict that on anyone." Unable to put his arm around Bryn, he stepped a little closer to her. "Bryn and I have discussed this before, and probably will before she is Transformed, for peace of mind. And if she changes her mind, I will honor her wishes." Steven nodded, taking Max's carrier from Bryn and opening the back door. Before he leaned inside to buckle the carrier in place, he said, "What about Max?" "What about him? He already is part vampire." "That's what I mean--what happens if he grows up and realizes he doesn't want to be a vampire. He won't have the choice of going back. Have you thought about what you will tell him when that time comes?" "We'll tell him he was born out of love," Bryn said, sounding annoyed. "Besides, none of us can change what we're *born as*...we just have to live with it. And I happen to believe that if a child is secure in their parents' love for him, and is raised in a safe and comforting environment, they won't want to be anyone else." Steven straightened, staring at her. Obviously he'd realized that was a jab at him and her own childhood. "Fair enough, Sabryn. Shall we go now?" Anton nodded. "Please." He opened the door for Bryn, intending to help her get settled. But to his surprise, she shifted over to the center seat. Understanding what she wanted, he settled in the back seat as well. After buckling themselves in, he placed his arm around Bryn's shoulder so he could lightly touch Max, his free hand resting lightly on her thigh. He wasn't happy that Steven had brought up Bryn's impending Transformation like this. Not now, with another family member dead, and two others near death. But then that might be why he was thinking about it. Bryn made sure Max was securely buckled in, gently tickling his cheek until he cooed and grinned. Despite having worried so much about seeing her father again, she felt surprisingly grounded. She was certain Max had a lot to do with that. Since his birth, she'd had more time to focus on him instead of herself. Her protective instincts were strong. But the little bit of her that was still feeling like an uncertain wreck was very glad Anton was here. Keeping one hand on Max's stomach, she threaded the fingers of her other hand with Anton's and smiled at him. Turning her head, she pressed her face against the curve of his neck and breathed in deeply, intoxicated by his cologne, soothed by the scent of his skin. Anton rested his head lightly on Bryn's, certain that Steven was watching them in the rear view mirror. Although he should have been angry about Steven's distrust of him, on some level, Anton couldn't blame the man. He did hope, however, that Steven was open minded enough to realize that he did love Bryn, and wouldn't be Transforming her if he wasn't positive she wanted it with all her heart and soul. And that Max wasn't a human or a vampire, but his grandson, first and foremost. But that would take time. And speaking of time... "How far away is the hospital?" "Depends on whether or not I get us lost," he said, pulling out of the parking garage. "Shouldn't be too long. If you two are tired, I can always wake you when we get there." Bryn snuggled closer to Anton. Although she'd barely slept during the day, and she was tired, she didn't think she'd be able to sleep yet. At least not until she saw John and Chris. Reaching up to touch the side of Anton's face, she turned his head towards hers and softly kissed him. Lingering a bit. Making sure her voice couldn't be heard over the radio up front, she whispered, "You are my hero and I love you so much. Thank you for not holding his ignorance against him. I think he's really trying. He just doesn't know you." Anton nodded, nuzzling her lightly. "I love you, Bryn. Why don't you try to get some sleep like your father suggested? We've got a long night still ahead of us, and you could use some rest." He knew she hadn't slept well during the day, between her worry about her family and taking care of Max. They could talk about her father, and his bigotry later on in private. "I don't think I'll be able to, but I'll try." She could easily tell, from his tone of voice, that he was feeling a bit hurt and threatened by her dad's questions. She'd almost forgotten how blunt he could be, and how easily his words could sting. Rubbing Anton's chest through his shirt, she leaned close and whispered, "I'm sorry, sugar. He should've hurt your feelings like that." He placed his hand over hers, trapping it against his heart. "Shhh, we'll talk about this later." When they were alone. "Right now we have to concentrate on John and Chris and Jolie." Bryn's focus should be on her brother, for the moment. There would be time enough to concentrate on his wounds later on. She held his gaze for a moment, knowing he was digging his heels in. He wasn't stubborn the way he used to be--at least not with her--but she knew when he wouldn't budge and this was one of those times. Even though he was hurting, which she could clearly see in his eyes, he wasn't saying another word. Slipping her hand out from under his, she grabbed his hand and held it over her heart instead. "You're always safe in here, my love. I'll be waiting, whenever you're ready." "I know, my dear. The only place I truly am." He pressed a kiss to Bryn's forehead. He may not be willing to discuss his hurt feelings and longing for acceptance in front of Bryn's father, but he would not stop showing his affection for her. Nothing would stop him from doing that. Slipping her arms under his coat, she hugged him tightly and closed her eyes in temporary bliss. She wanted to help him, but she was willing take what he could give her right now. The warmth of his embrace was very inviting and she pillowed her head on his shoulder. She still wished she could wake up and find that the past 24 hours had been a dream. If she were honest, she also would've wished that they'd gone home instead of taking their planned trip to Baltimore. Right now, all she wanted was to be warm and peaceful, lying in bed with Anton's arms around her, Max settled comfortably against her chest...and Petunia loudly snoring on her doggy bed. Keeping that very image in her head, she slowly relaxed her body and began to drift to sleep. Anton held perfectly still, sensing Bryn was finally getting some well needed rest. He gently stroked his thumb over the back of her hand, lulling her into relaxing further. He was too keyed up to sleep at the moment. Instead he kept an eye out of the side window, watching the buildings and road pass, and on the front driver's seat. They reached John Hopkins a short drive later, and Steven easily found a parking space close to the building. Gently shaking Bryn awake, Anton murmured, "We're here." She let out an annoyed moan, but sat up blinking. Looking around outside, she took in the unfamiliar terrain. "How did we get here so fast?" "Shortcut," Steven said, getting out of the car. As Anton opened his door to do the same, Bryn carefully unbuckled Max from his carrier. He'd fallen asleep too, and waved his arms and legs around in confusion before settling against her shoulder. Accepting Anton's hand, she got out of the car. None of them said a word on the way in to the hospital. Her father passed right by the receptionists desk and led them towards the elevators. The tension he carried was palpable. "I don't know if your mother will still be here. She probably took Jolie home. She's been sitting at Chris's bedside most of the time, while I took Jolie to see John. Hopefully you'll get a chance to see her before bedtime." Leaning against the elevator wall, Bryn kept a tight hold on Anton's hand while Max slept on her chest. She suddenly felt a little ill. [I hope I can do this. Please, God, don't let me fall apart now.] Anton squeezed her hand, silently offering her his strength. He was steeling himself for what condition that John would be in, how he might react to seeing a healthy Max when his own son was so badly wounded, and Bryn's reaction to her brother. The elevator dinged, indicating the doors were about to open, and they all stepped out into the hallway. The nurse at the nearby station looked up from the chart she was writing. "Visiting hours are over." Bryn listened absently while Anton explained to the nurse how he couldn't visit in daylight, because of his 'porphyria'. She knew the story well, as well as being able to anticipate the nurses questions and comments. Yet her mind drifted elsewhere, following her eyes as she scanned the surrounding rooms. When she saw her brother's profile, lit only by the pale fluorescent above his headboard, her breath caught. And before she knew it, she was standing beside his bed as he slept. She stared at the sight before her with a painful mixture of horror and disbelief. He looked so very pale. The bruises and lacerations on his face stood out like her colorful paintings. Even though the blankets covered his legs, she could see that there were casts on both of his legs. His upper body shuddered each breath, his movements tight and restricted. He looked like something she'd see in a movie, that if she reached out and touched him she'd find only make-up. But knew that wasn't the case at all. Stepping closer, she quietly slid her hand over his and squeezed. Once the nurse's questions had been answered, Anton looked around for Bryn. Steven pointed down to John's room. Silently both men walked down to the room. Anton came up behind Bryn, resting his hands on her shoulders. Although Steven had tried to prepare them, he was still shocked at John's condition. It was times like this that Anton was reminded that mortals were so fragile, that life was so fleeting. He looked over to Bryn's father. "How long do they think he'll be like this?" he asked in a quiet voice. "Be like what?" John asked from the bed, his eyes open, wincing as he pulled in another breath. "Handicapped?" "We thought you were unconscious," Bryn said, her voice a bit unsteady. "How are you feeling?" "Suffocated." "He has several broken ribs," Steven said, saving John the pain moving his chest. "Can't quite get enough air. They had him on some oxygen earlier." "Made me sick." John closed his eyes and licked his dry lips. "Now the pain killer can do that instead." Another tight breath, and he said, "Can't stay awake either." "Are you going to say hello, John?" Forcing his eyes back open, he looked first at Bryn, then the bundle in her arms, and then at Anton. "Hey. Just get here?" "Just about half an hour ago, John." Anton gave him a somewhat shaky smile. He wasn't sure if he should bring up Carly or Chris at this moment or not. When his previous wives had died, he didn't want to talk about them for about forty eight hours. It had been a time of intense, personal grieving for him. But each person reacted differently, and he wasn't sure how John would react, especially with how injured he was. John tried to cough but only managed to clear his throat without crying out in pain. "You're early." Bryn bit her lip. "I wish we didn't have a reason to be." "Me too." Other than swallowing heavily, and a slight flicker of moisture in his eyes, no emotion shown on his face. And it broke Bryn's heart. "I'm so sorry, John." His breath caught, before he let out a shuddering breath. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. "I keep expecting her to come walking through the door. This isn't real. It is to you, but not to me. She's alive to me...and she's just standing out in hallway. Or she's at home with Jolie. But she's not gone. I won't let myself believe that, not yet. Not while Chris is--" He squeezed his eyes shut. "Not when I need her so much. She can't leave me, I won't let her." Bryn hung her head, trying to discreetly wipe her wet face. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her father quietly leave the room. And she hated that, hated him for ignoring John's pain, rather than see his son cry--but Steven never showed emotion if he could help it, and he expected his son to be the same. Anton also noticed Steven leave, and couldn't help but be reminded of himself and Ivan. He reached out and placed his hand over Bryn's, his fingers brushing over hers and touching lightly his skin. "I know you won't believe me, John," he said quietly. "But the pain, it will lessen. I won't lie and say it ever goes away entirely, but it will get better. You'll find a way to continue, for your family's sake, because it would be what she would want you to do." John nodded. "I take it you've done this before a few times?" "Yes. Sabryn is my seventh wife. And my last." Struggling to take a deeper breath, John let out a small groan at the ache in his chest. It was obvious that he wanted to talk about something else when he said, "Have you seen Christopher yet?" "Not yet. I think we'll be doing that next." Bryn nodded, confirming it. "Hopefully they'll let us see him." "He's banged up. But hanging in there." Looking towards the baby, he said, "Is someone going to introduce me?" Lifting her hand, as well as Anton's, from John's, she carefully dislodged Max's grip on her shirt. He made a few grunting noises, but remained asleep as she lowered him to John's view. "He's not exactly sociable at the moment, but this is Max. Don't stick your fingers too close to his mouth, though, because he bit Dad on the way over here." "He *bit* him?" She nodded, smiling. "He was born with teeth...and vampire fangs." John glanced at Anton before saying to Max, "You bit your grandpa? Good for you, kid. You're learning early." Anton smiled a little bit. "He was a bit hungry, and he's used to feeding from me whenever he is. So when Steven was holding him, well...." He didn't sound particularly apologetic though. "I really wish we could be introducing him under different circumstances." "No time like the present I guess. Might've been nice if he was awake though. He looks a lot like you, both of you." Bryn smiled, then realized John's eyelids were starting to droop. "We should let you rest. We can always come back tomorrow." "Please do." She had a feeling he meant that as more than just literally. Leaning over, carefully, she gently kissed his cheek. And although she rarely said it out loud, she whispered, "I love you, John." His eyes grew misty. "I love you, too, Bryn." "We'll be back after sunset, John," Anton said softly. "Try to rest as you can." But he had a feeling John would get little rest in the coming days, between the physical and emotional pain. He had a long recovery ahead of him - physical therapy for his body, and emotional trauma to work through. "We'll go see Chris now, and we'll bring Max back tomorrow. Hopefully he'll actually be awake." "Thanks," John said, tightly, trying to find a comfortable position against his pillow. "Tell Chris I love him." "We will," Bryn said, squeezing his hand one more time. "Good night." "Good night," Anton and John said, almost simultaneously. Reluctantly letting go of his hand, Bryn lifted Max off of the bed and held him close. With just a slight hesitation, she turned and headed for the door. In the hallway, she saw her father sitting on a bench a few doors down. She managed to keep from glaring at him. When Anton placed his hand on her back, she started, letting out a soft sob, even though her eyes were dry, and allowed him to pull her to his side. "I'm okay," she whispered, more to herself than to him. "It's all right if you're not, Bryn," he said softly, gently rocking her. The reality hadn't set in for him yet, and he barely knew Bryn's brother. He could barely imagine how his wife must be feeling. No, he could. She was probably feeling the same way he felt when Nathaniel had been brought back to the keep, barely alive after his horse riding accident. Making sure Max wasn't squashed between them, he held her close. "Do you want to wait a few minutes before we go down and see Chris?" She shook her head, unable to stop the shaking of her body. More than anything, this was the part she dreaded. For three years, she'd practically helped raise Chris. While Caroline went back to work, Bryn stayed home with the children all day. She'd taught him to use the potty, to eat with a spoon and fork, how to dress himself...sort of. Last she'd seen him, he still needed a bit of help in the color department. He was a shy, sweet kid who liked to be cuddled, who tended to be very loud when at home with family, and worshipped his sister like a lost puppy. He would ask her to read to him, always the same books, until he had them memorized and could practically tell the story without her help. But what really brought tears to her eyes was the email she'd received a week after she moved, from John, telling her Chris was heartbroken and lonely with her gone. Seeing that boy all broken and nearly lifeless was going to kill her. "Let's go now. I want to get it over with." He kissed the top of her head. "Okay." He noticed that Steven was standing up, following behind them as they headed back to the elevator. After inquiring from the duty nurse which floor the Pediatrics ICU was on, he punched the down button. All well holding Bryn close to his side, reassuring her that he was there for her. He gave a heavy sigh as the door opened and they walked in. This was hard on Bryn, and they hadn't seen the rest of the family yet. When the nurses on duty in the PICU saw Steven heading their way, they smiled softly in recognition. The youngest of the two at the desk stepped forward. "Your grandson showed a bit of improvement this evening, Mr. Pruitt. When I went in to check on him a few hours ago, he was moving his finger." Steven gave her a tired smile. "Was he awake?" "No," she said, her demeanor becoming a bit more subdued. "But it's still a very good sigh. His chances of paralysis are becoming slimmer." Even as she said it, she sounded a bit disappointed. Bryn briefly closed her eyes. [He moved his finger and she's excited? He must be much worse than I thought.] "Uh, this is my daughter and her husband. They just flew in from Chicago...will they be allowed to see Chris?" "For a short while," she said, nodding. "Right this way." Swallowing heavily, Bryn passed Max over to her father as he was evidently remaining outside once again. She wasn't altogether certain that she could handle this with Max in her arms. She wasn't sure she wouldn't go limp and drop to the floor. Keeping his arm firmly around Bryn's waist as they followed the nurse back into the ward. They walked down a corridor, brightly painted with cartoon figures. The nurse opened the door to a private room, which seemed dominated by medical equipment and an oversized crib. Anton stared, stunned. The battered boy couldn't be the same blond, cheerful child he had seen before. He was painfully reminded of Bryn's time in the hospital. Chris had the same equipment hooked up to him - ventilator, heart monitor, IV, blood transfusion all hooked into him. His eyes were closed, cuts and bruises covering tender skin. Instinctively, he tightened his grip on Bryn. She sucked in a shuddering breath, stepping closer to the crib. Chris hadn't needed a crib for over a year. She didn't know why that disturbed her, but it did. Shaking uncontrollably, she lifted her hands to the railing even as the nurse lowered it. "Now, he can't be moved too much, so you can't remove him from the crib, but you can touch him and talk to him. Let him know you're here. And I'll be right outside if you need me." She wasn't sure if Anton nodded or not, but Bryn couldn't seem to move her head. She could only stare, her eyes burning and leaking, her mouth slack with shock. Still keeping his arm around Bryn, Anton gently reached out with his other and lightly touched Chris's hand. The boy felt cold, not surprisingly with the amount of blood that he had lost and the shock and trauma his body had been through. "Hi there, Chris," he said softly. His eyes started to tear over. He never could get over how fundamentally unfair it was that children were made to suffer so. With the side of the crib lowered, it was relatively easy for Bryn to settle her upper body next to Chris's, her head resting on the pillow next to him, and her arm resting carefully over his stomach. "H-Hi sweet-h-heart, I missed y-you." Tears leaked out of her eyes and she struggled to control her trembling. "Um...your daddy is h-here too and he loves you s-so much. We all love you so much. So you have to get better, so you can come h-home." Anton knelt as well. If Chris was aware that they were with him, he gave no sign. "We want you to get better so you can come home and play with your new cousin." He gently rubbed Bryn's back, his hand still lightly resting on Chris's. "We've missed you and love you and just want you to get better." She'd been hanging on by a tenuous thread, and it was Anton's words that finally broke Bryn's composure. Burying her face in her hands, she started to cry, frightened, heartbroken sobs. And when he reached for her, she grabbed him desperately, needing the strength he could give her and giving as much as she could in return. Only he seemed able to protect that gaping wound in her chest, able to heal her with his love. Clutching his coat, she let out all of her grief, trusting him to understand and knowing that he could do the same. He cradled her head against his chest, slowly rocking her back and forth. "Shhhh..." he whispered, tears rolling down his eyes as well. He gently pressed his lips to her forehead, eyes closed. "He's going to be okay, Bryn. He's going to get better. And so is your brother." He rested his forehead against hers. She struggled to catch her breath, trying to calm down. It took her several minutes and she was grateful the nurse hadn't come to check on them. Panting heavily and occasionally sniffling, she swiped at her nose. "I can't do this anymore," she said, pitifully. "I want to go home." Anton nodded. He turned back to Chris. "Let's say goodbye and then go tell your father that we're ready to go." When she nodded, he stood up and helped Bryn to her feet. "We have to go now, Chris," he said softly. "But we'll be back to see you tomorrow night. We love you so much. Get better, Chris. We can't wait to see you at home." Turning her gaze to Anton, she nodded and let him lead her outside. Her father stood up when he saw them, frowning at the sight of her face. But instead of saying anything, he handed Max over to Anton and handed Bryn her purse. "He--um, was probably glad to hear your voice. Are we okay to go home?" She wasn't sure if he was asking whether she had more she wanted to do at the hospital, or if going to John's house would be too much for her. Probably both. "Yes," she croaked, her arm around Anton, following her dad to the elevator." The ride in the elevator was silent, each lost in their own thoughts. As was the walk out to the car. And as was the ride to John's home. No one was really in the mood to talk after seeing John and Chris. Anton couldn't help but think about the last time he had been here. Then it had been a time of joy and hope. Right now joy and hope seemed years away. He noticed the lights were on in the home, and one of the curtains moved. It appeared that Bryn's mother was still awake, and waiting for their arrival. Suddenly feeling weary, he wished they could have opted to stay in a hotel instead. He didn't want to handle any friction between he and Bryn and her mother, as he had her father earlier. Luckily, he didn't have to. Bernadette was definitely subdued when they came in the door. She hugged Anton first, thanking him for coming, and gave him a genuine albeit sad smile. She also kissed Max on the cheek, careful not to wake him. Then she looked at Bryn and shook her head, saying, "You look exhausted," as she pulled her daughter into her arms. Bryn leaned into her embrace, managing not to cry again. She felt numb and tired, all cried out. "I wish you could see Jolie, but I just managed to get her to sleep so it will have to wait." Bryn nodded. "I can't do that now, anyway. I can't handle anything more today." Bernadette nodded. "It is overwhelming. Well...Anton, Bryn, are either of you hungry? Or would you rather just get settled and head for bed?" He wasn't particularly hungry, and he didn't think Bryn was either. Anton shook his head. "I think getting settled in for the day would be the best thing to do. We're both just tired." He looked around the house, remembering. "Are we set up in the media room like last time?" Bernadette made a face. "Oh, and have you squish in there together on one couch? Of course not. You have a couple of options...you could either sleep in John and Caroline's room," she said, her voice catching slightly on her daughter-in-law's name, "or you could use the motor home. We figured there might not be enough space here once John is home. Although, that may not be too soon." She wrung her hands together, as if nervous, but it was more stress than anything. "There are fresh sheets on both beds, and we have extra blankets if you need them. There is a metal privacy screen at the front of the bed in the motor home, so you'll only have to worry about covering the windows...am I forgetting anything?" "No, as long as the windows are covered, the motor home should be fine." He and Bryn started following Bernadette back through the kitchen and to the motor home, one that looked like it had been designed in the mid 70s. Although they would be in close quarters, and the small windows over the sink, table and door needed to be covered, it was a better alternative to sleeping in the bed John and Caroline had shared. "Do you have any thick fabric, denim or something like that, to cover the windows?" Bernadette shook her head, her gaze unfocused in thought. "No, I don't think so..." "John has some plywood in his garage," Steven said. "You could use that around the bed, sandwiching them between the mattress and the wall, and use some duct tape to hold them in place. And I think the tarps I use to cover the motor home would work on the other windows. I'll go have a look around in the garage and see what I can find." "Please," Anton said. Other than those areas he mentioned, the motorhome appeared to be light proof. "Worse comes to worst, we can use the duct tape to cover the windows." Bryn didn't seem fully convinced at first, though. "Are you sure this is okay, sugar?" "Yes, Bryn. This should be fine. I've had to spend the day in a lot worse places. Like the time my car broke down ten miles from town an hour before dawn. I had to hide in the trunk of a '57 Chevy. And despite appearances, they aren't the roomiest of things." She gave him an astonished look. "It probably wasn't very easy to breathe, either. How did you manage to get out once you were locked in?" "Well, I had been so worried about finding a sun-proof hiding place, I hadn't thought that far ahead. Fortunately, I was on my way to see a human friend who knew about me, and got worried when the sun came up and I still hadn't arrived. So he set out to find me, and found my car about two hours after sunrise." He chuckled slightly at the memory. "I can't tell you how surprised and frightened I was the trunk lid was lifted - after we were safely in his garage, I might add." She let out a sigh, shaking her head. "I'm glad you have a cell phone now. Although I'm not so sure it would carry a signal through the trunk of a car." Smiling benevolently, Bernadette turned and began heading towards the hall. "I'll go get those blankets." Bryn relaxed visibly when they were alone in the living room. Leaning against the back of the couch, she wiggled her nose, rubbing the outside, trying to relieve some of the dryness from blowing it so often. "I wish we could hurry this up. I just want to go to bed. Today sucked so much." "Me too, Bryn." He looked down at Max. "You know, if you want to go see John or Chris while the sun's up, feel free to go. I understand completely, especially if..." he let the thought trail off, as if not speaking it would mean it wouldn't come to pass. "I know. Thank you." Lowering her voice a bit, she said, "I don't know if I can stay here as long as...as we thought we would. I know we really should, and there's always a chance that I would really regret leaving, but it's just so painful seeing them like this." Wiping her hands over her face, she let out a deep sigh. One that felt as if it had come from her toes. "I'm sorry, I'm wimping out and I know it. Just--just forget I said anything. I'll stay however long they need me to. But I don't want you to feel like you have to stay too, if you really need to get back. I feel bad about leaving Petunia with Jess's family for so long." "I know, Bryn." He put an arm around her and lightly squeezed. "Let's stay for a while, and see how things are here. If they need our help, we'll stay. But if things are relatively stable, we can go home." He leaned down to whisper in her ear. "It sounds selfish to say this, but it's important that you take care of yourself. You won't do John, Chris, or Jolie any good if you are completely stressed out." A little shiver went through her as he leaned in close, at the heat of his breath and husky sound of his voice. She leaned into him, seeking his warmth and wanting his kiss, but she was startled as her mother came back into the room. "I think these should keep you warm enough--" Frowning, Bernadette looked out the front window and watched Steven crawl up a ladder and on to the top of the motor home. "That old fool. He's going to kill himself one of these days." Following her gaze, Bryn saw her dad tying an old oil drop cloth over the windshield of the vehicle. It boggled her mind. Her dad loved that motor home, was so prideful of it. And yet he was covering it with a dirty, oily, stinky old canvas. "That's one thing I never expected to see." Bernadette nodded. "If he uses this as an excuse to get a new beast on wheels, I'm moving out." Anton shook his head. He hadn't quite figured out what was going on with Bryn's father. He'd make a disapproving comment about his vampirism, and then would turn around and go above and beyond to help him. "I should go help him. Do you want to help me get the inside set up, Bryn?" She nodded, reaching for Max and letting out a sympathetic "aww" as he started to cry. "I'm sorry, sweet pea. We just won't let you sleep, will we?" Settling their son against her chest, she tucked his head under her chin. "It's okay, Max, you can sleep all day if you want to. In fact, it would be a miracle if you did." Watching her daughter and grandson, Bernadette smiled. "You look and sound as if you've been doing this much longer than a few months." Caught off guard by that comment, Bryn stared at her. "Um...thank you." "Shall we head outside? I'm a bit anxious to crawl into bed, myself." "Sounds good to me." They all went out to the mobile home, Bryn and her mother taking Max inside to get him settled, Anton helping Steven outside to make sure that no light would leak through the windows. After about an hours work within and out, they were set. After a few hugs goodnight, Bryn and Anton watched Bernadette and Steven head back into John's house. Anton let out a tired sigh. There was still an hour or so before dawn. "It doesn't seem like today will ever end." "I think I'll pass, Bryn." He settled down beside her putting his arm around her. "I don't know about you, my dear, but I'm ready to crawl into bed." He nuzzled her cheek. "And I don't think I'll be letting go of you all day, if I can help it." She nodded, then turned her head to meet his lips with hers. Although her kiss was less passionate than usual, she could feel her emotions building rapidly to match her need. Soon, she couldn't help but slide on to his lap, wrapping her arms firmly around him, and whimpering as he caught her in his embrace. "I need you so much," she murmured, pulling on his lower lip. "But I don't want you to freak out if I'm more emotional than usual. I don't know if I'll be able to hold it in." "Don't hold it in. Let it all out," he whispered as he nipped at her lip. "I'll always be here to catch you if you fall, Bryn." He softly kissed her lips, hands running over her back. He pressed his forehead to hers, looking into her eyes. "Why don't we move this to the bed. I want to be able to feel all of you against me." She nodded, standing up from his lap and reaching for his hand. The walkway in the motor home was fairly cramped, but she didn't mind. She liked that feeling when he stood up next to her--of being overwhelmed, reminded of how small she was compared to him. It felt a bit intimidating, even though he'd never use it against her, and definitely exciting, because he was so protective of her. Instead of taking his hand and walking back to the "bedroom", she placed her hands on his shoulders and waited for him to lift her up, so he could carry her to the bed, and settle down on top of her. And he did so, but not quite the way she expected. He did sweep her off her feet, encouraging her to wrap her legs around his waist. He rotated a bit, so he was sitting now on the bed, her firmly in his lap. First checking with a glance that Max was still sound asleep, Anton pulled her close into a deep kiss, continuing to turn so she was pressed to the bed and he was on top of her. One of his legs sliding between hers, he continued to kiss her, his hand sliding up her stomach to cup one breast lightly. She whimpered again, reaching up to remove the barrette holding her hair away from her face. As soon as she'd tossed it to the side, she slid her arms around his back, dragging his shirt up so she could touch his skin. Urging him along with her, she slowly scooted diagonally on the bed, never straying from his mouth, until his legs weren't hanging off the mattress. "I love you so much, Anton," she said, between kisses. "And I want...I need, for you to hold me so tightly, and get so far inside me, that we won't be able to let go. Ever." He made a pleased rumble at her request, like a cat purring. He started to unbuttoning the oversized shirt she was wearing, which was one of his actually. Lightly touching her skin with just the tips of his fingers, he traced along her cleavage and her bra. "So beautiful, Bryn. So gloriously beautiful." Trembling, she closed her eyes against an intense wave of emotion, a jumble of gratitude, love, sorrow, helplessness, desire, anger, and desperation so confusing it made her heart pound. She needed him to make her feel normal, to center her like he always could, and to take her somewhere else, anywhere, even if only for a few minutes. Hopefully much longer. Arching into his touch, she placed her hands against his neck and slid them down, stopping when she could no longer feel bare skin. Meeting his gaze, she murmured, "I need you to get me wet, Anton. I don't want it to hurt." "I will, Bryn," he whispered, nipping the soft flesh below her chin. "Don't I always?" He unbuttoned her blouse further, and pulled the shirt off of her shoulders. He started kissing down her neck as his hands slipped under her back to start undoing the catch on her bra. Pulling the fabric out of the way, he slowly started tracing the contours of her breast before closing his lips over the tip of her nipple. Legs moving restlessly against his, she tugged on the hem of his long-sleeved shirt, pulling it up until it caught under his arms, forcing him to lift up long enough to remove it. She watched through watery eyes as his chest and arms were exposed, and he was so handsome. So sexy...so very loving. And she was almost painfully reminded of how very lucky she was to have him. "I don't ever want to be apart from you again. No matter what. Even if you have a Council meeting in the middle of a war zone, I'm going with you...or you're not going at all." She felt hot tears spill across her temples to disappear into her hair. "I won't lose you." "You won't, Bryn." Sensing his kisses would do more good elsewhere, he climbed up her body, dragging his hips up the inside of her legs. He kissed her mouth, wiping away the tears with the pads of his thumbs. "I'm not going to let that happen, Bryn. I'm always going to be with you her." He lightly touched her forehead. "And here." He rested his palm on her heart for a moment. "And hopefully here," he added, lightly pushing his hips against hers, hoping it cheered her slightly. He resumed kissing her, rubbing his hand over her nipple lightly. He wanted to take this slow, make it last a long time so they could both forget. Slowly sucking on his tongue, she wrapped her arms and legs around him. There was a chill in the air, and she pressed herself tightly against his warm body, shivering slightly, although not entirely from the cold. Pushing her hand between them, palm up, she unbuttoned his jeans and lowered the zipper. Yet instead of groping him or pushing the denim down his legs, she slid her hands under the fabric and squeezed his ass through his boxers. She smiled shakily at the gasp he let out. "I love you." "I love you too, Bryn, my dear," he murmured against her lips. He let his fingers curl around the side of her breast, thumb resting on her nipple. Slowly he circled it as he again began kissing down the column of her throat. His tongue snaked along her collar bones, lapping at her skin. Anton groaned again when she tightened her hands on his ass again. "Love you so much. Never going to let you go," he whispered. She closed her eyes to better concentrate on the sensations he was producing. As he moved further down her body, her hands slipped out of his shorts and moved up to gently knead his shoulders. "Tell me about our anniversary," she said, needing something to banish any remaining thoughts of death. "Any anniversary, really. What have we done in the past? And what do you think we should do this year?" He moved slightly lower to lap at her breast. "We've done so many things, Bryn. We've traveled to far off places and stayed home. Spent the day teasing each other, barely touching, and made love from dusk until dawn." He reached up to stroke her cheek with the back of his finger. "How about we go back to Europe, go back to the places that we were to visit on our honeymoon? See what other memories you can regain of our time together." She nodded, giving him a bright smile. "It will be nice to go back to those houses and think of them as mine, instead of what I felt like last year. It's too bad I didn't have those memories sooner." Threading her fingers through his hair, she chewed briefly on her lip. "It might be nice to see how Owen reacts to me, this time, too. He'll probably have the shock of his life." "Yes he will," Anton agreed. He started planting random kisses over her torso. "I think we'll both have a much better trip this time." His hand wandered down to unbutton her jeans and slowly lowered the zipper. "And if you like, we can add one more destination." He slid his hand into her fly, finger stroking over the silk of her underwear. "Novgorod, if you'd like." "I would love to see it...but I'd be worried that it might be too painful for you." She was suddenly reminded of what had happened earlier that morning, just after arriving in Baltimore. "I know my dad hurt your feelings, Anton. I could see it on your face, in your voice, and in the tension of your body. If he can do that to, what effect is it going to have for you to go back and see the place that Ivan once ruled? I know the home isn't the same anymore, but I think the memories will be." "It won't be easy, Bryn," he whispered "But it's something I need to do." He gently stroked his fingers back and forth. "And as for your father..." He let out a soft sigh. "I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does." Lifting up on one elbow, he started pushing her jeans away from her hips. "But I'd rather not discuss that at this moment," he said, running his fingers along the inside of her thigh. "No, let me say something." She stilled his hand and then cupped his cheek, holding his gaze. "My father hurt me very badly when I was a child, and he still refuses to acknowledge that. But I learned as I grew older that things weren't always the way he said they were, or how he thought they should be. Most times, I wouldn't want them to be. I love you so much," she said, her eyes watery, "and my father's opinion means nothing to me. Whether he likes you or not, I don't care. I know you better than anyone, so I think I can make a pretty fair judgment where you're concerned...and you are a better man than he could ever dream of being. Ever." A tear rolled out of the corner of his eye. He scooted back up to take her mouth in a deep kiss, unable to express the feelings of love and gratitude he had in his heart for her. Repositioning his hand, he let his fingers dip under the waistband of her panties, creeping lower to stroke her pubic hair and test her wetness. Bryn squirmed, opening her legs for him and lifting her hips. She wanted his fingers inside her, and tilted her pelvis this way and that in an effort to draw him closer. Meanwhile, her hands were busy shoving his pants and boxers down as far as she could. She moaned as his fingers traveled lower, the middle digit circling the opening of her sex but not yet entering. Lifting her hips even more, she whimpered and tried to impale herself on his long finger. He continued to circle her, spreading her moisture around. He continued to kiss her, teasing her with his tongue, hinting at what he would do to her with his finger and later his cock. But he didn't anticipate a sudden surge of her hips, and his finger slid deep inside of her. Deciding to take advantage of the situation, he slowly started rubbing her clit with his thumb. Making her wetter. Letting out a quiet but high-pitched cry, she vibrated against him--almost as if having a tiny orgasm already. Squeezing his finger inside her, she continued shifting her hips to move him inside her. Pulling away from his lips, she panted to catch her breath, lifting her legs, and looked down to watch his hand moving. "Ohhh...mmm, how are you going to take me? I want you so deep it hurts." She shivered again, her lips curving. "So deep I can't catch my breath." He continued to stroke he clit, rubbing his cock against her thigh. "How about you roll over and get on your knees? I take you from behind?" His pace and breathing picked up just from thinking about making love to her that way. "Pull you against my groin so my hair tickles your ass?" She squeezed him hard abruptly, whimpering with excitement. Unwilling to lose their connection, she bent one knee towards her chest, guided her leg up and over his arm, and then careful rolled over...all the while pushing her hips against his hand. Lifting up on her hands and knees, she shimmied her hips and glanced at him over her shoulder. "I want you, sugar. I need your cock in me." He pumped his finger in and out of her for a few seconds, just to watch her squirm. Not willing to pull out either, he rotated himself around so he was resting on his hands and knees as well. He reared up behind her, pulled his finger out, and slid his cock into her all in one fluid motion. Pushing in as far as he could go, he let out a low groan at her heat surrounding him. "Bryn...." It did hurt, a bit. He had pushed himself deeper than usual, past the point of comfort, until she winced and dug her fingers into the blankets beneath her. And still she wanted more. She wanted as much of him as she could get, wanted to be soldered to his hips. Using her arms for leverage, she backed into him until she could not only feel his pubic hair but also the root of his thick cock. Her sex tried to tighten around him but felt almost too full to move. Whining softly, she dropped her head as she felt him gripping her hips. "So...good..." Anton let out another low moan. Adjusting his grip on her hips, he held her in place as he pulled out until only the head of his cock was in side of her. Then he pushed slowly into her. And pulled out. And pushed in. And he did it again, and again and again, agonizingly slow and steady. All the time breathing heavily. She hated the feeling of him pulling out of her. Tightening her muscles, she tried to keep him from moving and whimpered when she wasn't able. His hands felt wonderful, clutching her hips possessively. Although she wanted to touch him, perhaps to rub his balls or caress his perineum, she knew it was a better idea to draw it out, make him wait. Teasing them both until they were ready to explode. "Deeper, sugar, please?" "Don't know if I can," he whispered. He pulled her tight against his groin and leaned low over her back. "Already in so deep," he moaned. "So tight." He gave a slight twitch of his hips, making them both groan. He thought about stroking her clit, but was afraid that he'd bring them both off too quickly. Instead he continued to give small thrusts, making sure he stayed as deep in her as he could. "Ohh, Antonnn...it hurts." She moaned almost continuously, carefully balancing so she could slide a hand back and grab his ass. This was exactly what she'd wanted, to be covered and filled by him, stretched by his cock, and ridden until they both screamed. She secretly wondered if they'd be able to rock the motor home on its wheels. "God, I love your big cock, love it so much, and I want to fuck it all day long, until you can't move...and then I'm going to suck it, lick it, and kiss it until you can't take anymore." Anton groaned at her words. "I love the feeling of your sex, Bryn. How tight you are, how wet you get." He pushed into her and holding her tight, not wanting her to move. Afraid that he'd cum just from the feeling of her surrounding him. "I want to fuck you until you're dry, Bryn. And then I'm going to lick you until you're wet again. And when you are, we'll start over again and again." "Mmm!" She panted, her sex quivering around his cock. Every one of his words was like a finger-flick against her clit, making her thighs tremble and stomach tighten. Looking over her shoulder, she whispered, "Why did you stop?" "Just give me a minute." Spreading her legs a little wider, she slowly tilted her hips forward to feel his balls against her clit. It felt so good she couldn't help gently swiveling her pelvis, even just to move him a fraction of an inch. Sliding her hand off his ass, she pushed it between her legs and used her fingers to hold the lips of her sex open. Exposing her clit even more. "Oh God...even your balls feel fantastic." Groaning, Anton trembled above her. He bit his lip as she lightly rubbed the base of his cock, just in front of his perineum. Letting go of the death grip on her hips, he slid his hand down her side, sliding his fingers around to stroke the edge of her sex. Gently, he started rubbing her sex, finding her clit and toying with it. "Oh God," he whispered, so close to cumming. Bryn grunted, her mouth hanging open as he rubbed a slick finger over and around her clit with barely any pressure. She could feel her orgasm building and she shook in anticipation...the very second he pushed his finger down hard on her clit, she shrieked and clamped down on his cock, her sex rippling, and the waves of climax hit her just as she felt his hips give an extra jump against her ass. "Anton!" It was too much to bear. Anton threw his head back and gave a cry, biting his lip at the last minute to keep from waking Max.. Breathing heavily, he collapsed against Bryn, pressing her flat against the mattress. He nuzzled the back of her head, kissing her neck. His cock was softening, but it was still in her, and he didn't want to break that connection. You are amazing, Bryn." Snagging the blanket neatly folded at the end of the bed, he pulled it up over their bodies. She reached for his hand, lacing her fingers together with his. Despite breathing heavily, she felt wonderfully at peace, happy, and she was grateful he could do that for her. With her. His weight on top of her, along with the blanket, made her toasty warm, and she snuggled deeper into his embrace. "I feel like it's been weeks since I felt this good...but it was just last night when it happened last." She gave him a small smile over her shoulder. "If I don't remember to say it later, thank you for today, Anton. You always manage to make me smile, and I really needed you. I love you, very, very much." He gently stroked his thumb along her cheekbone. "I love you too, Bryn. So very much that you'll never completely know. Although I'm going to do my best to show you every day." He continued to lightly touch her. Softly, he began to sing. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, m'dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." His song brought tears to her eyes, as it almost always did. Her lips trembling, she pulled him even closer, her arm stretching behind her to grab the back of his thigh, and softly began weeping. Unlike before when her sobs had been full of anger, shocked grief, and sadness, this time her tears were heartbroken disappointment. It wasn't because of Anton at all, or rather it was because he left her free to be herself. Because she was so blessed and grateful for his love...and because she knew her brother had just lost that love of his own. She hurt for him, profoundly, because she knew precisely how much more she had. And would always have, with her husband and son. Anton held her tightly and let her cry. He rolled to his side so he could gently rock her. He didn't try to shush her, just pressed his lips to her forehead and let her tears take their course. He knew her emotions were running high right now. And his were too. He knew exactly what John had lost, and his heart ached for him. He prayed with all his heart that he would never know that pain firsthand again. Bryn wrapped her arms tightly around him and clasped his shoulders from behind, tangling her legs with his. Aside from a few residual tremors, her tears were beginning to slow. It was hard anymore to remain sad when in his embrace. She felt so safe here, so overwhelming loved...and happy. It was amazing to think that now, when she was grieving, but she was happy. Reassured and strengthened by his friendship, rewarded with his love, and completed by his soul. Breathing a bit quicker than usual, she looked up into his eyes and gave him a soft smile. And a soft kiss to follow. He kissed her back lightly and tucked her head under his chin, making sure she felt protected and loved. "Do you want to try to get some sleep, Bryn?" He knew it may be difficult for them both to sleep with how emotionally wound they were. But staying awake wouldn't do anyone any good. She nodded, looking over his shoulder at Max. "Will you pull him closer so he can sleep with us? I don't want him to get cold." "Of course." Anton rolled on to his back and reached for their son, carefully lifting him so he wouldn't wake up. As Bryn snuggled closer t his side, he settled Max on his chest and pulled the blankets up to cover him. "Is that better?" "Yeah." She rubbed her hand firmly over his stomach, enjoying the heat of his body as she settled her head on his shoulder. "Sugar, can I ask you a serious question?" He met her gaze, waiting for her to continue. "I know this is a lot for me to ask, and I would normally even...consider it, or ask you for it, but..." She closed her eyes briefly, swallowing heavily. "Um, what would you think about maybe getting a small apartment here or in Columbia, so that we could have some place of our own to stay when we're visiting? I know I feel a little overwhelmed and anxious right now, but I think I'm going to be a little upset when we leave...and I'd like to be able to visit more often, without worrying about displacing everyone. If it's going to be too much money, maybe we could just rent something, or, I don't know." She bit her lip, obvious having a trouble saying what she wanted. "I'm sorry, I don't like asking you for things like this." "It's okay, Bryn." Anton slipped his arms around her shoulders. "Remember what I told you the night we got Petunia? What's mine is yours? I mean that Bryn. My job, it's more to keep me from being bored than actually having to earn a living. I'm financially set for many lifetimes, Bryn, and we could live much more fancily than we do. It's not going to make me go bankrupt if we rent an apartment here. Or buy a home, or ten homes even." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I think it would be a wise idea for us to have our own place here, my dear. Because we will be out here more often to help your brother." He paused for a moment. "Do you know if your brother would be offended if I offered to help out with the medical bills? He'll be having enough adjustments to be making without worrying about how to pay off creditors." She was having a hard time shifting her focus off of her question and on to her brother. She felt so horribly guilty for asking him for something so large. "I think he would feel the same as I do...that it's not fair to you. Anton, when I married you, I swore to myself that I would never again spend your money without earning it. And I don't feel like I'm doing that. I don't want to seem like one of those girls who marry men for their money." She lowered her gaze, emotion making her voice thick. "And I know you said that your money is mine, but I don't feel that way...it's yours, you earned it. I know you're incredibly generous and you like helping people. But when I first moved in with my brother--actually, the whole time I lived there--money was really tight. Going out to dinner was a luxury we couldn't afford, and I didn't ask for anything unless I could afford to pay it back. It made me feel very guilty for asking for anything, because they were letting me live there for free. And I still feel that guilt every time I ask you for something." Bryn looked up at him, her eyes red and wet. "I went and did something really stupid when I bought my wedding dress without asking you. Suddenly we had all of this money and I went insane. And it still hurts me that I betrayed you like that. I still feel like I should sell the dress to pay you back. And that I should be working to pay my car back, and...everything. It breaks my heart to feel greedy and unappreciative--and I think John will feel exactly the same way, even though we both know that you'd be asking him out of the goodness of your heart." "Bryn, my dear, you are not greedy and unappreciative." He gently stroked her face with the back of his fingers, wiping away her tears. "You are not one of those girls who marry men for their money. You seem to forget that I have firsthand experience with that kind of harpy. I've never thought it of you. You've never betrayed me, not when you bought your beautiful wedding dress. And you have paid me back. By marrying me, by loving me, by just being you." He leaned his forehead against hers. "I don't want you to feel that you have to you have to pay me back when you want or need something, Bryn. Love doesn't work that way." She let him hold her, not trusting herself to say anything more. It was at times like this that she felt like a broken porcelain doll--too fragile, ugly, and hard to fix. More of a burden than the treasured valuable she'd been expected to be. She knew she wouldn't lose him because of her flaws, but she wouldn't exactly be something he could proudly show off, either. "I don't want to be this way," she murmured, barely audible. "All I've ever wanted for you is to be someone you could be proud of, someone strong and dependable--not someone who always has to depend on you. I wanted to be someone your friends would like, so much that they'd be envious of you. I never wanted to be your broken doll, Anton. But I'm afraid those cracks in me will never go away." "Yes they will, Bryn. We will work together until they are." He gently threaded his fingers through her hair. "And you don't give yourself nearly enough credit. You are so strong, Bryn. You wouldn't have survived your childhood if you weren't. You wouldn't have been able to make me face up to my past if you weren't. And you are dependable. I wouldn't hesitate a second to ask anything of you. I am so proud of you, my dear, that I can't begin to express it." Wiping hastily at her face, she looked at Max. She was proud of herself for him, his birth and every day since. She was proud for taking care of her home, keeping Anton and Max well-fed and happy, for grooming and caring for their animals, and for managing to go to bed at night and feel good about herself. But she didn't like the emotional outbursts, the insecurities and self-loathing that had followed her all the way from Columbia, Pennsylvania to the present. She hoped he was right, that they would be able to make those bad things go away. "I'm very lucky to have you, Anton. And I hope you know how much I love you, and always will." She sniffled, hoping to clear her sinuses. "Can we turn out the light now? I have a headache." "Okay, Bryn." He reached over and hit the switch, plunging the RV into darkness. His arm then firmly settled over her middle, drawing her close. "Do you want me to get you anything for the pain?" "No, I'll be fine." He kissed her lips unerringly in the darkness. "I love you so much, Bryn. And I always will." He knew it would take time to work with her, to help her overcome her feeling of unworthiness. And he would willingly invest that time, because the rewards were so great. "No matter what." End Chapter Ninety-Five <- Previous Chapter | Home | Next Chapter ->